Between the Pages
by Vera Cobb
Summary: A series of drabbles/behind the scenes type ficlets attempting to capture what might have been going through Jess and Rory's heads in each episode and things that happened that we never saw.
1. This Is Hell

**This Is Hell**

He hadn't really believed that places like this existed: maybe in TV Land in the sixties or seventies, (though be aware: Jess Mariano is not admitting to watching _The Brady Bunch_) but never real life. Everyone here was so damn smiley, when they weren't running you over with their children in matching outfits. Shudder.

Finding a bench in the town square, he was glad he'd brought his own book with him. He knew people were watching him, surveying him. He took a drag of his cigarette and opened his book to read. They didn't approve. No one ever does.

Lorelai - another one of the Damn Smiley crowd. And what drugs were the squeaky-voiced redhead and the deranged veggie guy on? He'd thought his Mom was the only one that could talk that incessantly, but even then, it was only if she had a guy to rant about.

When he idly looked into the bedroom he was surprised by the dark haired girl: Rory. She seemed sane. Quiet. Admittedly, she smiled as well, but it was so unassuming and unguarded that for a second he found himself caught off guard. And in that moment he saw her books; and a moment after, her eyes. And then Jess Mariano started to fall.


	2. Make 'Em Laugh

**Make 'em Laugh  
**

Surprise. Metallica t-shirts are not appropriate attire for the Diner. He knew the Gilmores were watching him do battle with Luke, so he enjoyed making a scene. He wanted Rory to notice him.

They hadn't spoken since he returned the copy of _Howl _he'd 'borrowed' from her. She'd called him Dodger. _Oliver Twist _wasn't exactly a favourite of his, but he figured of all the characters in it, Dodger was the coolest. Personally he would have cast himself more as Holden Caulfield. He wondered which character she would be in an alternate novel universe. He didn't really know her well enough yet to give her any part...but he would.

In the meantime, he figured he'd just have to settle for making her laugh. He was upstairs in the bathroom when he saw her and her mother coming back from some fancy shindig and so made a stop at Luke's closet before he went back downstairs. No eye contact. He knew she was looking at him again, but he reluctantly admitted that he might struggle to keep a straight face if he looked back. Just let her enjoy looking...

At least until Luke flips out again and then he cockily plays up his Holden Caufield persona. He knew she was loving it.


	3. I'm the Man Who Murdered Love

**I'm the Man Who Murdered Love  
**

He was surprised at just how much the townspeople reacted. Anyone would have thought they'd found a real body. He'd known she would find it funny. She likes to laugh. That much he'd figured out.

Lettuce losses? Really? She was mad at him though. He hadn't planned on that. He found himself observing that she was cute when angry. He imagined he could almost see her brain working to come up with better insults and retorts. But his amusement was short lived as he discovered that she had her very own freakishly tall Bag Boy. He had to keep his cool mask on. He could not let on how his stomach churned at the thought.

Jeez, he's playing Doctor to a damn toaster for her. He hoped she knew he didn't really do it for Luke.


	4. Quiet Please, There's A Lady On Stage

**Quiet Please, There's A Lady On Stage  
**

Boys were stupid. Tristin wouldn't leave her alone and Dean couldn't take no for an answer. Rory's mind startedto vent...Why does he have to watch the stupid play? Why does he think he has a right? It's nothing to do with him. It's just school!

But then she knew that Tristin had probably sought him out on purpose, to goad him, so maybe that made it okay for Dean to be jealous? No it's not! He should trust her enough to know that there was nothing going on. She never had any intention of kissing Tristin again for fun...but right at that moment she didn't have much desire to kiss Dean either.

It all made her head hurt too much. During a break in rehearsal she slipped away from Miss Patty's studio, to stand in the darkness of the town square. She could see a crazy haired figure wiping the tables down in Luke's and for a second she forgot about Crazy-Possesive Dean and Give-Me A-Bigger-Spoon-To-Stir-Up-Trouble Tristin. She began wondering what it would be like to kiss someone else entirely....just for a second... Some seconds can last longer than others. She went back inside when she realised her face was getting uncomfortably warm.


	5. Silent Night

_A/N: Thanks to those who have reviewed. I appreciate it. I'm writing this to get back into the habit of writing prose since the last couple of years I've been writing scripts, which has messed with my head. Please let me know how you feel about where this is going. To be honest I'm not sure how far over the line I should take them..._

_Thank you again, and enjoy. _

_~VC_**  
**

**Silent Night**

She had to play angry when he leapt into her sleigh. They bickered back and forth and she was comfortable playing her part of disapproving acquaintance.

Quickly though, the conversation got more involved and she found herself feeling bad for him as he told her about his mom. But before she could find the right words to respond he'd moved the conversation on to her snow-_ Björk_ and then to her boyfriend. She told him Dean was exactly her kind of guy...She told herself Dean was exactly her kind of guy.

They fell into a strange silence. Every now and again their legs would brush as the sleigh rolled along, and she hoped that its rattling was enough to hide the trembling of her hands. He shifted and stretched an arm casually along the back of the seat. He wasn't touching her, so hadn't really invaded her space, which meant she could just ignore it.

But it was harder to ignore the warmth she felt prickling up her neck. Her body had tensed and she was certain he had to know. She wanted to speak to break the spell but her mind wouldn't communicate with her mouth. She wasn't even sure she could open her mouth right now. It was a world first - a Gilmore girl silenced. By the time she felt his hand ever so gently start to play with her hair, she was completely powerless. They both just sat in silence, both knowing the line that was being crossed, but not acknowledging it to each other. If Jess could pretend he wasn't doing anything, then Rory could pretend not to notice that he was. For now, that would be their relationship.


	6. Let's Get Away From It All

_A/N: Okay so now I'm trying a bit of dialogue. I hadn't planned to, but I thought this chapter needed it, since this scene doesn't exist at all in the show. In case you're wondering, its set during Secrets and Loans, when Rory has been fighting with Lorelai._**  
**

**Let's Get Away From It All**

Even before he looked up he knew that there was something wrong - her stomping gave her away. He didn't stop to question how he knew the stomps were hers. She hesitated when she saw him and that made him smirk, but he refused to look away. Her face flushed a little as she contemplated her next move.

She stayed. Without speaking she sat next to him and dangled her legs over the edge of the bridge like him, sighing heavily.

'Wanna talk about it?' His tone was casual, almost nonchalant. She glanced at him sideways, but then looked away without speaking.

He leaned back on his hands a little. 'Yeah, me neither.'

'Were you reading?' Her voice is surprisingly steady.

In response he held up his copy of _The Killer Angels_. She took it and flipped idly through the pages.

'Civil war? That's uplifting.' Skeptical. Sarcastic.

He didn't answer; just shrugged lazily.

Her legs kciked back and forth -she was obviously still agitated about something. 'Read to me?'

An eyebrow arched in surprise, but he obediently took the book back and did as she asked, picking up from where he'd left off.

As she got caught up in the story he could see her demeanor change. She was no longer stewing about her own world, but was instead getting indignant about the soldiers in the story and their attitudes towards an escaped slave. She shifted her position to sit cross legged facing his side. Her head shook in disbelief at the characters' ignorance and her cheeks flushed with anger at their cruelty.

He fought to ignore her sweet, soapy scent and the gentle tickle of her breath as it passed him.

Some time later he stopped reading and looked at her, eyebrows raised questioningly. It took her a moment, but eventually she blinked herself back to the real world, stunning blue eyes gazing at him almost surprised for a moment, as if she'd forgotten where she was.

Before he could say anything she was on her feet, pulling down the hem of her shirt. 'Thanks. That helped.'

And then she was gone, leaving him to stare after her retreating back, wanting the words to make her stay. He tried to call her name but his voice caught in his throat. He sighed, looking at the cover of his book again. Great. Now she seemed to think he was some damn story time librarian. Although...he smirked suddenly as he thought of Rory as the librarian. Somewhere inside his brain cried, 'Dirty!' Geez, now he could even hear her voice in his head.


	7. I Won't Dance

_A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. It never really occurred to me before just how exciting reviews can be (and scary!), but now I can definitely see myself developing a reliance on them. And though I'll never be one of those that holds off on posting another chapter until I have x number of reviews, I will just say that getting reviews, does motivate me to write more. Hint hint. And criticism is welcomed._

_Cheers,_

_VC_

**I Won't Dance**

'You owe me an egg role!'

The smile on her face was gorgeous and it took all his self control to turn around and amble casually away. On the inside he was dancing. Of course it was manly, Jess Mariano style dancing in a leather jacket and with a scowl, but dancing nonetheless.

Switching the tapes had been easy. A soft 'Hello, Kirk,' and an almost pleasant smile had emptied the video store long enough for him to do his work, and by the time Kirk had returned, red faced and panting with Taylor in tow, he'd left the store and was idling in the gazebo. He almost felt like it should have been harder for him, to be worthy of the look on her face.

He didn't know that Bag Boy had had to build her a car to earn a smile not half as brilliant. But maybe that was for the best. If he had known it's entirely possible that he wouldn't have kept his dancing on the inside. He'd be tap dancing his way up and down the streets of the Hollow in tails and a top hat, so stylish that Miss Patty would be casting him in her next show.

For the sake of maintaining Jess's hard earned, hoodlum reputation, it was probably better that he didn't know.


	8. Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon

**Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon  
**

He'd always known he made her nervous, but as she joked with him over pizza and they debated about whether the cheese was claggy or cloggy, he could see she was getting more and more comfortable around him. When she leaned over and punched him playfully it was all he could do not to grab her hand and kiss her. But that would definitely be crossing a line: a bulky, Bag Boy shaped line that was liable to jump up and punch him. He tried not to think of the bracelet in his pocket.

Later in the book store he could feel her eyes on him as he pored over a copy of _The Gun Seller_. She was supposed to be reading the blurb of _To Have And Have Not_, but right then he figured he'd rather have her eyes on him than not, and so he refrained from telling her off. He tried to focus on his book and not her lips or her eyes or...ahem. Eventually, he knew, he would wear her down enough to read Hemingway and he was willing to wait.

After they'd bought out the bookstore, they snuck upstairs to Luke's apartment and began to evaluate each others' selections, criticizing, mocking or begging to borrow them. When they were worn out from the post-shopping review they sat on the couch, reading together in companionable silence. Unbeknownst to Rory, Jess had picked up her newly acquired copy of _The Killer Angels _and was discretely putting his notes in the margins. At one point she glanced up from her reading and smiled at him. He wasn't sure why, but he found himself smiling back.

'This isn't doing it for me,' she declared, holding up her book.

'Oh?' he responded, trying to hide his pencil.

'I'm not in the mood for it. I need to switch books. Give me my _Killer Angels_,' she grinned at him knowingly, holding out her hand.

He rolled his eyes, wondering when he got so careless, and handed over the book.

'Fine, but I want yours.'

She gave him _The Mystery of Edwin Drood_. He smirked – it was one of the shorter of Charles Dickens' novels.

'You know what's really wrong don't you?'

'What?'

'This Dick's too small. You should try a bigger one.'

Her hand slaps his arm before he can dodge. 'Jess! Dirty!'

They both giggled. Well – she giggled, he chuckled. It was more manly.

He was about to start reading again when she looked at him with narrowed eyes and said quietly, 'Well, everyone knows that's the Dick that never got finished.'

He didn't laugh, but arched his eyebrows at her as his lips curled in an appreciative smile.

They held each others' gaze for a moment, before Rory smirked, satisfied with her joke, and then settled back into the couch, stretching her legs along its length and leaning her back against his side.

He could feel her hair brushing his arm and her warm weight settling comfortably against him. Jess opened _Edwin Drood _but he wasn't reading at all. The only thought he could process right then was: Best. Day. Ever.


	9. Tourist Attraction

_A/N: I love my reviewers! You rock. Thanks to MissGoalie75 for pointing out my lack of italics. I thought about doing that when I started uploading documents and then promptly forgot. Should be fixed now. I have a few more chapters already written, but I seem to be deviating from the original plan. These scenes are definitely getting longer...oops!  
_

**Tourist Attraction  
**

Rory really wasn't sure what to make of Sherry. She could certainly shop, but this was shopping at speeds even Lorelai would struggle with. And in Sherry's case, Speed Shopping didn't really make for Quality Shopping.

Her feet were starting to drag as she followed Cyclone Sherry out of their seventh Unicorn Supply store. Said Cyclone was chattering like Minnie Mouse on speed and hadn't noticed Rory's silence.

They were passing by Andrew's book store when suddenly Jess was in front of them, a bag of books under his arm. He stopped when he saw Rory.

'Jess!' The relief in her voice was evident.

'Hey.' His head nodded briefly before his gaze flicked across to Sherry, who had finally paused a sentence just long enough to take a breath. It was a short breath…

'Hi! I'm Sherry, Rory's new friend. We're just hanging out. I can't believe how many cute little stores you have in this town! I wish we had places like this back in Boston. Have you ever been to the city? It's nothing like this -'

Jess arched a questioning eyebrow at Rory, who shook her head almost imperceptibly and rolled her eyes upwards before she cut Sherry off.

'Actually Sherry, Jess only moved here recently. He's from New York.'

'Oh, of course, you're Rory's boyfriend! Christopher told me some out-of-towner was trying to steal his baby girl away from him – not that you're a baby anymore of course Rory, quite the opposite now. I mean, I couldn't believe how grown up you were when I saw you, but that's Christopher for you – he really does see you as his little girl. So, Jess was it? You'd better look after her, I'd hate to see what Christopher would do if you broke her heart. Oh, but look how cute you both are – '

Rory's face was turning red now as she tried to find words to cut Sherry off, but Jess just looked at her, smirking.

'No. No. No,' she finally found her voice. 'He's not. It's Dean. Dean is. Dean is my boyfriend. He's from -' Shit. Where was Dean from? 'Chicago. Dean is my boyfriend and he's from Chicago. Jess isn't. He's from New York.' Rory knew she sounded like an idiot, but at least it had stopped Sherry.

'Oh.' She sounded surprised.

Rory struggled to regain her cool. 'Jess is my friend. He reads. We read. Together.'

Jess's smirk had turned into a smile by now. Rory wasn't sure why he looked so happy, but she didn't have the brain power to figure it out .

'Oh, well sorry to hold you up Jess, but I guess Rory and I should be getting on. There are still more stores to hit and I think this one wants a new book.'

'Right.' Jess nods his head as he starts to back across the road. 'Nice to meet you.'

Rory can hear the sarcasm in his voice, but Sherry doesn't catch on. 'See you later Rory.'

'Bye Jess.' There was something sad in her tone. As much as she was glad that this would save her from any further embarrassment, she somehow couldn't help but feel sorry to see him walk away.

'Oh, Rory?' He called to her from the other side of the street.

'Yeah?'

'I bought _Dombey and Son_. I'll let you borrow it if you want.' Before she could respond he was gone, a wicked smirk on his face as he rounded the corner. Confused, Rory trailed after Sherry, trying to figure out what Jess meant. As the realisation hit her she had to cough to cover up the squeal that was bubbling in her throat.

Sherry didn't appear to notice. 'You two really would have made a cute couple. What's _Dombey and Son_?'

Rory fought to keep a straight face as she answered, 'It's just the longest Charles Dickens' novel.'


	10. I Could Hurt You Now

_A/N: I was trying to get back to shorter chapters and almost managed with this one, but have failed miserably with the next one. Review if you want to read it!_

**I Could Hurt You Now**

Jess wondered if this egg role was one of the same ones Rory tried to bribe him with that night outside the video store. It can't be: that was three weeks ago. The Gilmores definitely had weird eating habits but even they wouldn't eat a three week old…would they? No…surely not. He grimaced as he felt it slide down his throat.

Rory was upset. He felt sorry now. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He was annoyed with himself though, for being upset that she was upset. He didn't want her to care so much. What did she see in that freak? Ten foot tall with stupid hair...and from what Jess has witnessed so far, a crazily needy and possessive attitude. Why was she with him?

But for some reason he found himself in Rory's room, slipping the bracelet under her bed. He told himself he didn't know why. Maybe it was just to stop her running around town like she was strung out on meth, or because it was getting really heavy to carry around in his pocket all the time; but the voice inside his head hummed in self satisfaction; Jess doesn't like to see Rory upset. Do dah, do dah.

As he was about to leave the room he noticed a book open on her bedside table. It was a copy of _Slaughterhouse Five_ that she'd bought in the bookstore, the day of the Great Basket Debacle. He'd asked to borrow it from her when she'd done with it, but she'd told him he'd have to wait. He picked up the book, thinking he'll just 'borrow' it, and give her some more margin notes to read, but on closer inspection he found that there were no margins left. Her tiny scrawl had already filled them. The uneasiness he'd been feeling started to slip away. Seemed he was getting to her after all.

Before she found the bracelet again he tried to comfort her, reassure her. And as he watched her distress he started to wonder: was she really sorry that she lost the bracelet? Or was she just sorry that Dean might find out? He let the voices in his head choose the last option. It made him smugly happy.


	11. Where Is My Mind?

**Where Is My Mind?  
**

She wasn't sure how to react when she realised that Luke didn't send the care package. Okay, admittedly, on the inside she was spinning giddily, but she couldn't let that show.

But hang on, why was she spinning giddily? She shouldn't care. Come on Rory, Jess is a friend. Friends bring friends food when they're home alone. If Lane wasn't still being held prisoner by Mrs. Kim she would have done the same. Probably. Friends bring food. Boyfriends bring ice cream. Dean hadn't brought cones though. Ice cream is only good when it's in cones. But hang on. If the food was just a friend thing, why lie about it?

Great: now her brain was starting to pick apart its own reasoning.

Well Jess lies about everything. That's true. He lied about needing to get away from the noise of the construction. Luke said Taylor and the boys left the diner at five yesterday. But why lie about that? So he could stay. Why would he want to stay? For me? Yes. No! That's crazy. Is it?

Rory lets out a shaky breath as the voices in her head continue to argue about the Jess situation. Suddenly she was aware of something squeezing her hand and looked down in surprise. A large brown hand was holding her pale one.

'Are you okay?'

Dean. She'd forgotten he was with her. She realised they'd been walking for more than twenty minutes now, hand in hand. She plastered on a smile and looked up at him. Way, way up at him. Damn, was he still growing?

'Hey Dean have you been eating Alice's mushrooms?'

'Rory?' He obviously had no idea what she meant.

'Sorry. You're tall.'

'Most days, yeah…' He spoke slowly, and Rory could see his confusion. 'Rory?'

'It's okay. I was just…thinking.'

His eyes got bigger and his eyebrows went up, just like they always did when he got nervous. 'You wanna fill me in? We've walked around the town three times now and you've barely said a word.' His voice was getting tight. She'd seen this reaction before.

'It was nothing. Just, school. You know. Paris.'

'Paris?' He wasn't exactly using a trusting tone.

'Yeah, you know. And Jess,' she tried to babble her way out of this. 'Her crazy crush. Man that girl has issues. I mean, last year it was all about Tristan, who spent most of his time picking on her, and now she likes Jess who has actually been really nice to her but he's pretty much a jerk to everyone else, to you and Luke and oh my god, my Mom, you know what he said to her, right?' She began to pace back and forth. hands cutting through the air in wide sweeping gestures.

'Kirk is so terrified of him he actually asked Fran to walk him home one night after the non-murder at the market. Fran! But she was too scared, not sure if she was scared of Jess though or of Kirk. I mean Kirk is...unsettling. But so is Jess. So anyway Miss Patty had to walk him home. And then he's always doing things to piss off Taylor - not Kirk, Jess; although that's kind of good. Maybe he should get an award for that. The murder was funny.' Rory paused in her steps and seemed to finally notice Dean again. 'I laughed….Didn't you?' These last words were said slowly and uncertainly as her brain finally caught up to what her mouth was saying.

Damn! Had she really just said all that?

Dean was facing her but his eyes didn't seem focused. His voice was detached and quiet. 'Jess is just a jerk.'

It was as if by trying to stay detached, he could avoid listening to his own doubts about his perfect girlfriend and The Creature from New York.

The rant may have started out about Paris but it had taken a rather noticeable detour.

Rory could see the hurt Dean was trying to hide. She felt awful. But in the back of her mind she could also picture Jess leaning over the counter at the diner, smirking at her. Imaginary Jess knew as well as Dean and Rory that the rant hadn't ever been about Paris.

_A/N: Sorry about the Dean focus. As annoying as he is, I still felt that I needed achance for Rory to realise what her relationship with Jess is doing to him. Dead Uncles and Vegetables coming soon. I appreciate reviews!_


	12. Jean Genie

**Jean Genie  
**

Jeannie was flittering about across the screen, but Jess wasn't really paying attention. His mind had wondered to a happy place, where he had his very own bottle with a Rory inside. This Rory didn't have a Dean. This Rory was all his. This Rory only cared about him.

But what would she wear? Somehow the idea of Rory in Jeannie's outfit didn't seem to fit. School uniform? That wouldn't be different enough. And jeans were out. He'd seen her in jeans plenty of times. Leather? No, that would be out of character. Would be hot though…That was stupid. She was Rory! Anything she wore would be hot.

He was still musing on a wardrobe for his Rory In A Bottle when the real thing burst into the room. Damn she was cute when she was mad. He tried to protest as she forced him down the stairs.. He was sure Jeannie wouldn't dare to treat Captain Nelson this way. But it seemed that in this reality Rory wore the pants. He sighed as he picked up the coffee pot and started to work. Yep – pathetic but true. Stick him in a turban and give him a robe. Rory could put him in her bottle whenever she liked.

_A/N: Again, I'd like to thank all my kind reviewers and anyone else who is bothering to read this. It started off as an exercise for me, but I'm really enjoying it. (That explains the very frequent updates). I'm definitely feeling more confident about writing prose again - one day I'm going to go back and rewrite the earlier chapters, coz' I know I was switching tenses a little when I started. I'm planning to go at least up to the end of season 2, but I don't know if I want to go into the mess that was season 3... Maybe I'll start something new. Please share your opinions/thoughts/ favourite ice cream flavours/criticisms. _

_Cheers, _

_VC_


	13. You Don't Know What Love Is

**You Don't Know What Love Is**

'I love you.' Rory hung up the phone viciously after listening to Dean's message. Gah! It was so pathetic. Wasn't it? The fourteen messages yesterday definitely were. But today he'd only left the one. That was okay. Normal. So why did it still make her want to scream? And run? Maybe even run while screaming and beating herself over the head with a very large book... Hey, she was a Gilmore! She could multitask.

She just hated the way he was always saying that he loved her, like he expected her to say it back every single time. It felt like emotional blackmail. So why couldn't she just say it? She did love him.

'Did,' she muttered under her breath as she marched to Lane's house. 'Things change.' Really? The voice in her head was surprised at her admission. She halted abruptly, just outside Lane's gate. Did she not love Dean anymore? Kind, gentle, loving Dean, who'd built her a car, read Jane Austen for her, braved dinner with her grandparents and understood her freakish relationship with her mother? She had to love him. Of course she did. How could she not love someone who would do all that for her?

The front door opened and her friend bounced down the steps. 'Rory! Godot is not coming. How long were you planning on waiting for him this time?'

'Lane!' Rory shook herself out of her thoughts and went into Happy-Friend mode. 'You want to go to Luke's? It's scrambled tofu night at the Kim house isn't it?'

As Lane went to fetch her coat Rory thought about her game plan. She would hang out with her friend. They would go to Luke's and eat Bad Food, talk to…other friends. It would be a nice night. And Dean, well…

Rory shook her head, and channeling her best Scarlet O'Hara voice, said softly, 'I won't think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow.'

Lane reappeared, shrugging on her coat. 'I hope you're not expecting Godot to show up at Luke's. He never struck me as a cheeseburger and chili fries kind of guy.'

Rory smiled at her friend. No, she thought, it wasn't Godot she was going to Luke's to see.


	14. Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen

_A/N: Found it incredibly hard to find comedy in this. In the end, I stopped looking. Apparently I'm not in a funny mood today. Apologies if this is a bit over dramatic._

**Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen From Mars**

It had been a good night. Messing with Rory's head was fun. She'd try to cajole him into working; he'd mess around until she forgot what she was supposed to be doing. They'd developed a nice rhythm.

The clock on the wall had been moving too quickly, and he'd made a mental note to set the time back before she came next time. For this night though, he had to come up with another plan to make her stay.

Ice cream: simple, yet incredibly effective. They discussed his future plans and hers. He thought it might be the most honest conversation they ever had. For once they were both being up front; no hiding behind books or music. He'd meant it when he told her he'd drive at her, screaming in a foreign language, but he doesn't expect he'll need to. So long as they start installing coffee machines in fox holes, he can't imagine anything will stop her achieving everything she wants.

When she'd told him to turn right, away from Luke's, he'd thought this was going to be it. Tonight they'd break through the last of the barriers between them. She hadn't read him any Shakespeare. They'd talked. They'd laughed easily with one another. She'd pushed his leg in jest at one stage, leaving her hand there moments longer than she'd needed. His heart had pounded so hard he thought he might have a coronary at the wheel. He'd pulled over for awhile, so they could just talk – no driving necessary. Her eyes had grown wider as he'd pulled into the slip lane. What had she been thinking? He's sure he could guess.

But really, it had all been very PG 13. True, there had been a lot more eye contact than normal. She'd curled up in the seat with her back against the door so she could face him easier. He'd reclined his seat back, facing her on his side. They'd discussed everything from the genius of The Clash to the sappiness of Charles Dickens, the failings of his mother and then the fact that fathers in Disney movies are almost always short old men.

Looking back now, he couldn't believe how much he had opened up to her. He gazed at his hand, remembering how softly she'd squeezed it when the conversation got a bit…emotional. That's when she'd changed the subject to Disney dads.

The bus starts to tremble as the engine comes to life and the rest of the night comes back to him. Rory's face as her arm crunched into the dashboard, the tears she'd fought to hold back. The terror. He'd never been so scared in all his life. He hadn't said much. Hadn't said anything in fact. All he wanted to do was take her pain away, but he wasn't a superhero so it wasn't an option. He wasn't even sure that there was a superhero that could do that.

He'd just held her. She'd leaned against his chest holding her arm and he'd kept his arms around her waist, his head buried in her hair, not trusting his voice to speak. He hadn't even been able to tell her how sorry he was, but in the end it hadn't mattered.

'Jess, it wasn't your fault. I'll be okay.' She'd squeezed his arm again as she was ushered toward the ambulance. She wasn't angry. She really didn't blame him. 'And Jess, I'm sorry but…watch out for my mom.' He almost found it funny. He'd broken her, yet she'd been the one that was sorry; no doubt afraid of what her Mom would do to him.

But it didn't matter what exciting tortures Lorelai was cooking up. No matter is she wanted to bake him into a pie, feed him to sharks, decapitate him with her monkey lamp or practice any of her Kathy Bates impressions. He wouldn't be there to take them. And that was the worst part of all.

'Goodbye Rory,' he murmured softly against the glass as the bus pulled him away from Stars Hollow.


	15. All They Ever Do Is Talk

**All They Ever Do Is Talk  
**

She'd had to write the story down for Dean. Telling it out loud would have given too much away. She may as well have dressed up like an ice cream cone and strapped a billboard to her chest proclaiming that hanging out with Jess that night had been one of the best nights of her life. She could have probably worked in some pom poms and high kicks as well. Writing it down was safer. She could choose her words carefully and edit until they gave the right impression: that she was sorry anything had ever happened. True, she was sorry about destroying the car that Dean had built her. But mostly, she was sorry that Jess was gone.

She stood in front of Taylor as he ranted about Tornado Jess, desperately wanting to throw a peach at his head for being so thick. Oh, of course she would never be involved in something as awful as a car accident. Except for the part where she had been!! Moron. She was surprised when he offered her one of the very peaches she'd been staring at. For a moment she felt like it had been given to her for the exact purpose she'd been imagining, but reason set in and she quickly realised, probably not.

For a second she'd thought Babette knew what was in her head. 'The eyes, the chin…' but Babette seemed to have a slightly different perspective on her relationship with Jess than Rory had imagined. Ew! Carpet the dining room with chest hair? Rory had never even imagined Jess having chest hair. Strange thought. Leave it alone.

But even Babette still blamed Jess for 'leading her astray.' Why could no one consider for a second the fact that Jess was not at fault? She knew they would have had the same accident if she'd been behind the wheel. Her Mother, Dean, Taylor – any one of them would have swerved the same way Jess had. But no one wanted to consider that possibility.

Her Mom was upsetting her the most. She was supposed to listen to her. They were supposed to trust each other about everything, but on this she was just being completely pig-headed and horrible.

Luke. Big, safe, kind Luke. He knew. Out of everyone in the town, he was the one that understood. And when she heard him tell her that, she felt tears pricking at her eyes. Luke could sense something was wrong and quickly pulled out a cloth to wipe the already clean counter behind him. Glad of the privacy, Rory wrapped her hands around her coffee mug.

'I miss him,' she said softly.

'Me too.'


	16. New York State of Mind

**New York State Of Mind**

She'd never realised just how much a voice could affect her. The second she heard him speak on the phone she felt like her whole body was on fire. He'd called her! From New York. Long distance, as he pointed out. Of course, seeing as how she had been over-heating from hearing him speak, she hadn't exactly been a witty conversationalist. She should have been able to say something significant. Something to let him know…let him know what?

That she missed him? Was worried about him? Wanted him? She hadn't been prepared. She still wasn't, she realised, as she approached his bench in Washington Square Park. Shit. Maybe she should have thought this through.

It's surprisingly not awkward though. He doesn't even seem that surprised to see her. He buys her a hot dog. They walk. They talk. They shop. They could have been back in Stars Hollow, save for the fact that there were a gazillion more people here and ten gazillion more shops. And a subway. Stars Hollow definitely didn't have one of those. She looked around at the faces in their carriage; a gazillion people, but no one that knew her; no one that knew them. She felt Jess shift in surprise as she settled closer to him in their seats, resting her head on his shoulder. Here, it didn't matter who saw them together. She was no angel and he wasn't the hoodlum. Here they could just be Rory and Jess.

The thought apparently had occurred to him as well. He took her hand as he led her out of the subway and kept hold of it even once they'd emerged back on the sidewalk. Rory decided, then, that she absolutely loved New York

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews. They always make me happy. I'm glad folks seem to be enjoying this. I've finished writing the rest of season 2 and am now certain that I'm going to have to keep going into season 3, coz' the story just doesn't seem to be over. I am getting kind of restless though, trying to come up with an angle for a new story. I need something else to work on when I get stuck with this one. If anyone has any suggestions for stories you'd like to see, let me know. _

_~VC_


	17. As The World Falls Down

**As the World Falls Down  
**

It should have been strange. It was strange. Wasn't it? She saw him, just standing there, oh so casually, watching her as if it was a completely normal activity for a Saturday afternoon. Of course it was. Everything he did always seemed so easy, so natural. This wasn't strange. It was perfect.

He'd come back! She tried to keep her face neutral…tried to keep the bats in her stomach from escaping.

Damn he looked so good, standing there, hands behind his back. For once there was no smirk on his face. And those eyes that were usually so guarded, just stared at her openly. No more games. He'd come back_ for her_. No questions.

Rory didn't need to think about her next move. It required no lengthy discussion with her Mom, or heart to heart with Lane. No pro/con list could tell her anything she didn't already know. She launched herself at Jess willingly, gladly, kissing him with more passion than she'd known she could feel. Her lips fiercely plied at his, her tongue slipped into his mouth and Rory Gilmore felt her toes curl. She felt Jess's hands, one cupping her face, making her skin buzz at the contact, while his other rested on her waist. Kissing Dean had never felt like this.

Oh God. Dean! She pulled away from him, quickly, as her brain started to process what she was doing. Couldn't look at him. Looking at him would make it real and if it was real, her whole world would fall down around her.

Rory Gilmore liked her world; it was safe and happy. Sure, she liked visiting other worlds in the books she read, but her life wasn't a book. It was real. If she destroyed it, she'd be lost and Rory Gilmore was afraid of being lost in a world she didn't know. So she ran.


	18. Tired of Waiting For You

**Tired of Waiting For You  
**

For a few days over Summer Jess Mariano had been the happiest guy in Stars Hollow. No one had known of course. He scowled at Luke's customers just like always, was mono-syllabic when spoken to and he still preferred the company of his books to anyone else.

But when Jess was alone, stretched out on his bed, or sitting on the bridge, face in a book that he wasn't actually reading, there was something about the slope in his shoulders, the far off look in his eye. He was relaxed. In those moments of solitude he didn't look like he was at war with the world anymore. He was the hero, relaxing after the battle.

But the hero was still waiting to claim his prize. His eyes would dart to the door of the diner whenever the bell rang. He was acutely aware of his surroundings while sat at the bridge, waiting to hear her footsteps. He hadn't expected to hear from her straight away, but he thought she'd come sometime.

Four days. That's how long it took. Four days from the time she'd brought down the barriers of his world, pushed her lips to his, slipped her tongue into _his_ mouth…that's how long it took before he learnt that Rory Gilmore was gone. Luke and Lorelai were in some sort of fight, so there had been no gossip over coffee. Eventually he pieced it together from a conversation between Miss Patty and East Side Tilly.

'…school government. Brilliant girl. She's gone off to Washington to hob-nob with the high and mighty. I told her to grope some political butts for me while she was there.'

'What about her boyfriend? Dashing Dean?'

'Oh, well he's going out of town for the Summer anyway, but he did look awful sad at the market yesterday. Poor thing misses her terribly. I offered him a lap dance, thought it might make him laugh. He got so scared…'

Miss Patty's shrieking laughter hid the sound of Jess's hand as it slammed down on the counter. It hurts, but it still feels better than what he feels inside.

She left town and said nothing to him; and she's still with Dean.

Four weeks he waits. She doesn't call. She doesn't write. He starts to wonder if he dreamt Sookie's wedding. Did he only imagine the taste of her in his mouth? The softness of her face in his hand? No. It was real. It had been real. He'd let his guard down for her that day, something he'd never done for anyone else. And she'd responded. She'd crossed into his world. For a second, they'd been together in their own world. But she hadn't had the guts to stay.

He'd wondered once what character she would be if they lived in a novel. He knew now that she was Scarlett O'Hara. He'd never really imagined himself as Rhett Butler, but like Rhett, he knew where to find cheap solace; three days before Rory came back from Washington, Jess met Shane. And if he knew Scarlett, once she though she couldn't have something, she'd realise how much she wanted it.


	19. The Sound of Silence

**The Sound of Silence  
**

She had to fight to keep her attention focused on her mom as she complained about her cold. He was hovering behind the counter in Luke's and she wished furiously that he would just go away. How could he? How could he take up with that skanky, blonde, vacuous tramp and just stop talking to her?

Maybe he hadn't. She chewed her lip as she contemplated the idea that maybe it was her that had stopped talking to him. She felt so humiliated. All the way back from Washington, Jess had been all she'd thought about. Well, Jess and Luke's coffee…and her mom. (A little bit.) But the she saw him up against the tree, having his face devoured by Skanky McBimbo and all she wanted to do was curl up and cry.

As she sat in the diner, absent-mindedly placating Lorelai, she started to wonder if it had all been a misunderstanding. Maybe he never thought of her in that way. Supposing she'd imagined it all? Sure they were friends; at least, she thought they'd been friends. Maybe that's all it was. So what if he was making out with Blondie the Skank? There was no reason the two of them couldn't still talk. Or be friendly at least.

She casually shifted in her seat, her head rolling to the side as she watched him pick up his book. Damn he looks so good. No! Stop! She quickly averted her eyes, trying desperately to chase thoughts of Jess from her mind. Luke's appearance at their table almost created a distraction as he stood right in Rory's line of sight. Good - out of sigh, out of mind, she thought to herself, despite knowing deep down inside that it wasn't true. Her trip to Washington had more than proved that.

Damn it, she didn't want to be friendly with him! She just wanted to be with him. The bell over the door jangled but Rory didn't notice until she heard Jess's voice and looked around in surprise. But then she realised he was talking (Talking? Growling?) to Super Skank, who promptly launched herself at him for a second helping of his face. Look away, look away! The voices in Rory's head screamed at her in various tones, accents and languages, but her eyes were playing deaf and refused to follow orders.

Oh god he saw me! She whipped her head back to face her table, but she knew she'd been caught. She lifted up her coffee cup, as if she thought she could hide her face behind it. Coz' the problem was, that not only had he seen her staring at him, but that he'd stared back at her. And she knew in that moment, that she hadn't imagined anything between them. It was all real. And it was still there.


	20. I Don't Want You

**I Don't Want You  
**

College? That was still a year away! Rory wasn't even sure what she wanted now, never mind in a year! She was still thinking about Dean's question as she walked towards the bridge. Why was he already asking about college?

'Because he's in a relationship with you, idiot! He wants to know how your lives are going to fit together.' She kicked at a stone as she muttered to herself and shoved her hands in her pockets

'A year is a really long time! 12 months! 52 weeks. 365 days! Is he so certain that we'll still be together?' Of course he is, she thought.

'He loves me.' She said the words under her breath, but was surprised to hear how much they sounded like a groan.

She tried to imagine the two of them in college. Would he visit her at Harvard? Would he want to stay the night? Her steps faltered as she contemplated that thought. Sex. Sex with Dean. She hadn't considered it before. But in 12 months time it would almost certainly be on the cards. College girls sleep with their long term boyfriends. So why couldn't Rory picture it? Dean wasn't sex. Dean was kind words and rocky road cookies. He was dry, chaste kisses and hand holding. Dean wasn't skin-tingling, face-burning, toe curling…Her mind flashed back to the day of Sookie's wedding. To a shady glen beside the Independents' Inn. To a stolen moment. No. Dean definitely wasn't that.

Almost at the bridge she closed her eyes for a moment and leaned against a tree as she tried to clear her head. She couldn't fool herself; se knew what she wanted and Dean did not fit in the picture. A face flashed in her mind; dark eyed, smirking and completely perfect. She opened her eyes quickly, forcing the vision away and bringing her attention back to the world she had, as she set off again for the bridge.

She perched on the edge, dangling her feet above the water and refusing to acknowledge the tears burning in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She sniffed, but insisted it was only because she wanted to; it most certainly wasn't an involuntary reflex relating to the needs of her nose! Nor was there a lump in her throat, stopping her voice from talking to herself. And she absolutely, definitely, swear to God, did not miss him.

But of course, Rory Gilmore didn't believe in God.


	21. Going Through the Motions

**Going Through the Motions**

Why does she think Rory's a freak? What did Rory do? Jess couldn't get Rory of his mind, despite the fact that Shane had just run her fingers down his sides and hooked her hands into the sides of his jeans. He absentmindedly slid his hand into the back pocket of her jeans, trying to keep up the pretense that he was actively participating.

How would they even know each other? Did they talk? He felt Shane's teeth nipping at his neck and dismissed the idea; Shane wasn't the chatty type. Well maybe Rory spoke to her. About what? Him? Nah, Shane would have told him. Wouldn't she? So what had Rory done to Shane to make her call her a freak? He remembered the look on Rory's face and the anger that had flashed in her eyes when she'd passed him and Shane in the street.

He pulled out of Shane's grasp suddenly, clearing his throat and smoothing his fingers through his hair. Shane looked annoyed.

'What are you doing?'

'Just give me a sec,' he snapped back as he stepped away from her car. They had driven out to a park, a few miles out of Stars Hollow. Jess was wary of hanging around in the apartment, after Luke had lectured him on how he should treat his 'girlfriend.' Why did Luke care if Shane liked to hide in closets? Geez.

'Jess?' Shane's voice was petulant. Whiney. She leaned against the car and eyed him coldly. 'Are we doing this or what?'

In his mind, he could hear himself sigh. He couldn't afford to piss Shane off too much; if something had happened between Shane and Miss Scarlett O'Hara then great. But he still needed to keep her around or Rory might lose interest again. And he knew what Shane was expecting – what she was hanging around for. But would she care that his mind was only really ever on Rory?

'Jess! I don't have all night.'

Well she obviously doesn't care about me, he thought, so it shouldn't matter that I don't care about her. He opened the back door of the car and pulled Shane inside. Apparently satisfied by this arrangement, Shane straddled him and resumed her ministrations to his neck.

Jess closed his eyes and wondered if Rory had ever found herself a copy of_ Please Kill Me._


	22. It's Raining Men

**It's Raining Men  
**

He was being nice to her. Why was he being nice to her? They weren't friends anymore. He was supposed to hate her.

She stood shivering in Dwight's front yard and watched as Jess broke the spigot again. No arguments. No snarky comments. He just broke it. For her; so Dean wouldn't know that Jess had been the one to save the day. He smiled at her as he walked casually away, hands in his pockets.

Say something you idiot! Say thanks! But the words wouldn't come. She didn't want to talk to him. She wanted to kiss him again, like she had at Sookie's wedding. But she wasn't allowed to do that. He had Skanky McShane now. She was the only one with the rights to kiss Jess; to run her hands through his dripping wet hair and press herself against his damp t-shirt…

'Gah!' Rory snapped herself out of her thoughts, realising at the same time that she was still standing under the water fountain that had become Dwight's yard. Hurrying backwards, eyes still fixed on Jess as he headed for the corner, she made it to the safety of the porch.

'Rory what's wrong?'

She hadn't noticed Dean arriving. She pointed to the spigot and feigned helplessness. For some reason though, she could still hear Jess's voice in her head. _You just have to press down and give it a good twist._ She smiled involuntarily. Dirty!

Dean thought the smile was for him.

'All fixed. You wanna go get a coffee?'

Rory just gestured to her wet clothes.

'Oh. Yeah. Well, I guess I'll see you later?'

'Okay. Bye Dean. And thanks.'

'No problem.'

He threw her one last curious look as he left. She didn't watch him walk away.

_A/N: Random question - whose perspective do you want to see in the next episode, Take The Devilled Eggs...? I'm asking, coz' I'm really not sure about it and I'm struggling to find an angle that I like. So if you have an opinion, please let me know. It'll be much appreciated!_

_Cheers,_

_~VC_


	23. Kick My Ass

**Kick My Ass  
**

Note to self; angry Koreans are scary - even short ones. He kicked himself as he turned the key in the ignition. Should've kept his cool - Rory wasn't mad at him until he'd snapped at Lane. In future, be nicer to the friend. Okay.

He hated the fact that she'd seen Shane's bra in the back seat. He hated the fact that Shane's bra was in the back seat. He hated the fact that Shane had been in the back seat. The fact that Shane had…But it was too late to change that now. The thought crossed his mind though that maybe Lane hadn't been the only reason that Rory had switched gears. He tried to think back, to figure out at what moment she'd seen the bra.

Oh for fucks sake! Get over it Mariano. Suck it up. He was about to pull away from the curb when the passenger side door was wrenched open. Damn it, he'd told Shane about making sure the damn thing was locked. But he wasn't thinking about Shane when he realised it was Rory that had thrown herself into the passenger seat.

He looked at her, surprised and confused. She just stared straight ahead, breathing heavily.

'I don't know why I'm here. I shouldn't be here.' He got the feeling she was talking to herself more than to him.

'I hate the fact that it's her bra in the back seat.' Okay, that was definitely meant for him.

She was gone before he could respond. He watched her hurry back up the street to where a mildly confused Lane was waiting for her. Jess felt his hands clench tighter around the steering wheel. What the hell had she meant by that?

Oh fuck. She had to know what she was doing to him. He shifted awkwardly in his seat. Work was definitely going to be uncomfortable today.

_A/N: Almost time for the Dance Marathon. Hurrah! And just to answer the question that many people have asked, I do plan on sticking to the shows plot as much as possible, although, as I have with this chapter, occasionally I might slightly cross a line._

_Hope you enjoy it. Reviews make me dance._

_~VC_


	24. I Got The Girl

**I Got the Girl  
**

He gave her five minutes alone before he went after her. He didn't have to wonder about where she would have gone.

He hated the fact that Dean had blasted her like that in front of everyone. Okay, admittedly most people had been asleep and Kirk had probably been lost in a Fred Astaire fantasy, but it was still cruel.

She didn't look up as he approached the bridge. He stood next to her, awkwardly, thrusting his hands into his jeans. He wanted so much to hold her, comfort her and tell her everything would be alright, but he needed to know first. He needed to know if they really were at last on the same page. She rambled to him, her gaze fixed on the water, confessing things he'd been waiting to hear for months. He realised then they weren't just on the same page. They were on the same sentence.

Don't grin don't grin don't grin! He was so caught up, cartwheeling inside that it took him a moment to realise she was expecting a response. Shit! She didn't know. She couldn't see what he was thinking. He saw the panic cross her face.

'He was right. About,' he exhaled slowly, 'all of it.' Damn, since when did his hands start to shake?! He shoved them deeper in his pockets and tried to stay level headed. She was definitely broken up with Dean.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was a moment to celebrate. He'd won. Rory could be his now. But all he could currently comprehend was how small and sad she looked. This wasn't the way it should have gone down. From now on, he would have to start making it up to her. But for now, he knew she still had some crying to do.

And he had to deal with Shane…

'I wanna break up.'

'Oh. Okay.'

Huh. That was easy. He didn't expect Shane would be shedding any tears soon.

It was almost dawn, but he couldn't think of sleeping. He knew Rory wouldn't come to the diner that day. A Gilmore that had been awake for more than 24 hours would be a very dangerous creature, unless left alone to sleep.

He spent the day on the bridge, occasionally napping, in between making notes in a copy of _Catch 22_. As the light finally disappeared he made his way back to Luke's to grab coffees, and then walked on to Rory's.

The front door made him strangely nervous – he knew Lorelai wouldn't be overly enthused about her daughter's latest romantic escapades. He chose to slip around to her window instead. She sat cross-legged on her bed, head bent over a book and her hair loose over her shoulders. She looked up and smiled when he tapped on the window.

'Hey,' he smirked as she lifted it open. Her grin grew when she saw the coffee cups in his hands.

'Jess, what are you doing here?' He knew she didn't really need an answer.

'Hunting terrorists.' He handed her a coffee and she sipped it eagerly.

'You find any?'

He rested the second cup of coffee on the window still and craned his head in to the room, peering around casually. 'Got a tip there might be some hanging around this room.'

'So you thought you'd bring them coffee?'

He looked back at her, steadying his breath. 'No. I brought the coffee for this amazing girl that lives here. She's cool. I kind of like her.'

A blush crept across Rory's cheek and she dropped her eyes to her coffee. 'Oh really? You kind of like her?'

He crossed his arms behind his back, leaning closer to her and whispering conspiratorially , 'Kind of a lot actually. I killed a snowman for her once.'

Her head lifted again. 'Ha! I knew-' She stopped short and seemed to change her mind about whatever she was going to say. She whispered, matching his tone. 'Was he one of the terrorists?'

'Nah, he was just a nuisance.' They were still whispering, heads bowed close together. 'Rory?' His voice was like gravel and he was only half aware now that he was holding his breath.

'Mmm?' She seemed frozen on the spot, her eyes unfocused. He was glad to see that he wasn't the only one affected by their closeness.

'I'm gonna kiss you now.' He leaned forward, gently cupping her cheek with his hand.

'What about the terrorists?'

'They'll have to wait their turn.'

'Good.'

This was it. Their moment. Finally a kiss that would be theirs, as opposed to one stolen when she had been with someone else.

But of course, the universe couldn't be that obliging. Rory's bedroom door opened and Guardian Lorelai seemed to loom in the doorway. How did she manage to look so tall? Rory and Jess separated quickly.

'Mom!'

'Jess.'

He nodded to Lorelai. 'Hey.'

There was a tense silence in the room as Lorelai looked backwards and forwards between the two of them. Jess figured it was time to depart. He wasn't prepared for Lorelai to come at him with a chainsaw. 'So, I'm gonna,' he gestured over his shoulder. Rory nodded at him, smiling slightly.

'Night Jess.'

He held the second coffee cup out to Rory. 'This one's for you as well. And check under your bed before you go to sleep.' She smiled and took the coffee. He hovered awkwardly for a second, eying Lorelai warily. 'Bye.'

As he padded his way to what he considered relative safety, he could hear Rory's voice through the window.

'Hey Mom? Want some coffee?'

He smiled. Yeah, they'd be okay.


	25. Shut Up and Kiss Me

**Shut Up and Kiss Me**

Nervous. It was an accurate word, but she was sure there had to be better ways of expressing what she felt. She just couldn't think of any. Every where she looked, nervousness seemed to be the theme. Certainly her Mom was nervous (though for different reasons than her, obviously). Okay, focus Rory. Be specific. Her Mom was anxious. Yeah, that's better. Maybe she was even concerned. Rory didn't want her Mom to feel that way. She wanted her to accept this relationship, but she couldn't delude herself into thinking it was going to be easy.

Jess was nervous. She assumed so, anyway. He'd participated in the ridiculous 'Hi,' routine at breakfast hadn't he?

Time for take two. Oh boy, even Luke was nervous. Damn it. That word was stupid. Well maybe she could say Luke was jumpy. Edgy? Yeah, that was more accurate. For a moment she considered the fact that he reminded her of someone hopped up on methamphetamines, until she remembered that she'd never seen anyone on drugs of any kind.

She sat awkwardly on the stool at the counter, looking around for Jess. Not knowing where he was, was even more nerve wracking than if he had been standing right in front of her.

In front of her...Oh! That's where he was. She blinked, trying to cover her nerves as he stumbled out from behind the curtain. If she hadn't been dealing with the pterodactyls in her own stomach she would have laughed at the complete shock registering on his face as he saw her. It reassured her though. He was undoubtedly nervous. (She had to admit it: nervous was the only word for him.)

She felt like a complete idiot, standing in the apartment. It was only a few months back that she had launched herself at him, kissing him (illegally) at Sookie's wedding. Now they were officially together and she could barely look at him. Gilmore, you need your head examined!

When he finally took her hands in his, she knew he had to be able to feel them trembling. He squeezed them gently and she started to relax.

Damn he smelt good. Damn his voice was sexy. Damn his lips were – Damn! Damn! Damn!

As Rory fled the apartment and the diner she was certain that she had never hated anyone as much as she hated Luke right then. Suddenly the words _coitus interruptus _seemed to be running through her mind on a continuous reel and she kept her head down to hide the blush on her cheeks.

Third time lucky; outside, against a gas pump. It was dark and they were alone. No prying eyes. Nothing could go wrong. It seemed the apartment incident had worked out the majority of their nerves. Most of what remained was tension. He moved towards her first. She was glad. It made it easier.

The kiss was soft and gentle. She wrapped her hand into his hair as his dropped to her waist. This felt right; all soft lips and warm breath. As they pulled away, she saw a smile on his face that she didn't remember seeing before. Not a smirk. A smile, with teeth and laughing eyes. He was beautiful and she wanted more!

The second time he kissed her his arms wrapped tight around her body and she felt her feet lift momentarily as he pulled her snug against him. If they'd been a part of a jigsaw, she knew that this was where they'd belong, locked together perfectly. His tongue grazed her lip and she turned her head, mouth opening to invite him in. She relaxed against him, into him, breathing him in and feeling completely content. The tension was gone.

And she no longer needed the word nervous.

.


	26. Sooner or Later

**Sooner or Later  
**

Jess could see how it would play out. Big Dumb Deano (Dumbo?) would throw a punch, he'd dodge and probably charge straight for Dean's midsection. He wasn't afraid of a fight; despite Dumbo's ridiculous height advantage he was sure he could hold his own. But he knew that his reputation in the town would mean that no matter the outcome, the fight would be his fault and the idea of Rory's reaction terrified him.

Damn. When did he become so whipped?

Walking back towards Luke's he paused as he saw her leaving with her mom. Great. Now he wouldn't even get a chance to talk to her. He assumed the rules about 'kissing in secret' had changed, if her earlier actions were anything to go by. He smirked, remembering the playful look in her eyes as she'd pulled away from him and promised 'Later.'

Jess had waited twelve months for Rory. He'd been patient for too long. 'Later,' he decided, just wouldn't do. He wanted 'sooner.'

He kept close to the bushes as he skulked outside the Gilmores' house. He watched as the lights went on and off in various rooms. Eventually a light went on upstairs and he decided it was time.

She spun around in surprise as he tapped on her window. She was smiling as she opened it.

'We have got to stop meeting like this!' The playful tone was still there.

He shoved his hands into his jacket and gestured behind him with his head. 'Come with me.'

He expected her to argue or at least hesitate, but instead she grinned at him and slipped straight through the window.

'Hey!' Her voice was soft. In response he leaned down to kiss her softly. He felt her hands moving to grip his jacket but he pulled away and grabbed her hand in his.

She tried to whisper as he pulled her off the verandah and away from the house, but her voice was still too loud in his opinion. 'Where are we going?'

He shook his head, putting his finger to his lips. Note to self – do not allow Rory to become a cat burglar. She seemed to catch on and instead of asking more questions, she increased her pace and just allowed him to pull her through the shadows of the town.

'You really do like the bridge, don't you?' she asked as they reached their destination.

He shrugged, pulling her into his chest and resting his hands on her hips. 'It's one of the few places in town I've never seen Miss Patty or Babette. Seems safe.'

Her hand reached up and trailed fingers down his cheek. 'I'm glad you came and got me.'

He didn't try to hide his smirk, 'Yeah?'

'Yep.' She was confident now and he could almost hear a giggle in her voice.

'Well, you kind of surprised me before, outside the diner. I thought I was being attacked for a second…I was scared!' His eyes widened and he let his voice take on a higher pitch.

This time she did giggle. 'Aw, really? You want me to buy you a rape whistle?'

He leaned his head in closer to hers so that his nose was nuzzling the hair on her temple as he spoke softly into her ear. 'So long as it's you doing the attacking, I think I'll live without.'

'It better be me. If anyone else tries anything I'd have to go all Kung Fu on their ass.'

Remembering Dumbo's threats from earlier he takes a brief moment to imagine _that_ scenario and chuckles softly. 'Sounds like a plan.'

He knew he was smiling as Rory pulled back a little, studying him thoughtfully. As a grin split her face, he reveled in the knowledge that he put it there. After a few seconds of intense stare-age on both their parts, her eyebrows raised and she looked up at him coyly. 'Are you gonna kiss me now or what?'

She didn't have to ask twice.

He was glad he didn't wait for 'later.'

*******************

_A/N: Thanks for everyones kind reviews. I'm now getting into the episodes where Dean is an ass (scratch that - the episodes where Dean is an even bigger ass), and mostly, rewatching them, I just want to go Kung Fu on Rory's ass for being so damn nice to him and so incredibly naive. It's fun trying to find the nice lit moments in all the mess though. Hope you're all enjoying it._

_~VC_


	27. The Man With All the Toys

**The Man With All the Toys**

He wanted to hate her for being so stupid. Maybe grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her sweet, naïve head; but he knows it'd never work. Rory's nice. The fact that she let Jess into her world alone is proof of that. It's just her. And if he's honest with himself, he wouldn't really want her to be any other way. He just wished she didn't have to be nice to Dumbo.

They strolled through the insane Winter Carnival, weaving between stalls, chuckling at the exhibits and especially avoiding Kirk. In yet another attempt to make himself the most pathetic Stars Hollow inhabitant he had dressed up as an elf and was asking anyone and everyone if they were satisfied with their Christmas gifts. For anyone who wasn't, he was offering to take the unwanted gifts off their hands in return for a photo opportunity. Seems Kirk himself had had a less than successful Christmas harvest.

'I'm starting to feel sorry for him,' Rory said, as they watched him harangue a small group of teenage girls. 'Maybe I should give him my bear?'

Jess smirked as he pressed a kiss to the side of Rory's head. There she was being nice again. 'Don't. It's not worth it Rory.'

She looked up at him in mock surprise. 'Really? You don't want a picture of us with Kirk in his tights?'

'I'm going to have to put bleach in my eyes tonight just to get rid of the mental image.'

'But he looks so sad,' she pointed out, as the group of girls hurried quickly away from Kirk, leaving him to scan the crowd for another victim.

'Move, quick!' Jess darted quickly, pulling Rory behind the SnowCorn booth and out of Kirk's eye line. He leaned in to kiss her lips softly. 'If you give him the bear he'll attach himself to us. It starts at a bear, it'll end with your soul.'

Rory seemed to consider this. Shrugging in defeat she said, 'You're probably right.'

'I am,' he said firmly, sliding his hand down to Rory's and prying the bear from her grip as he caught her lips for another kiss. There was quiet between them for awhile as the kiss intensified. He shoved the bear into his pocket and felt Rory's tongue sliding along his lower lip. His arms wrapped around her tightly and he couldn't help but smirk as he heard her appreciative murmur as he deepened the kiss. He could get used to this.

Suddenly he didn't care anymore if Rory wanted to be nice to the whole world, so long as he was the one that got to hold her in his arms and taste her kisses and grope her – He froze for a moment, realising what he was doing. His hand had slid into the back pocket of her jeans seemingly of its own accord. He felt Rory tense as well, processing this new intimacy. Before he could pull his hand out though, she had relaxed again into his torso and he felt her arms wrap tighter around him. Oh yeah; he could definitely get used to this.

He lay on his bed later, trying to remember that feeling. The one of total contentment that came from holding Rory in his arms…he was struggling to ignore the knot of…nerves? Anger?....fear? that his recent conversation with Dean had put there. It was insane. Rory would never go back to Dean after everything she'd gone through to get together with him. Would she?

Honestly, he was terrified by the idea that Dean might worm his way back in. He'd been so happy when he finally got the girl that he hadn't considered losing her – especially not to him. He sighed tiredly as he stood up to change out of his clothes. Noticing the bulge in the pocket of his jacket he pulled out the bear she had won and smirked a little.

Jess Mariano did _not_ sleep with teddy bears. If anyone were to ask, the story would be that the bear tripped and fell into his bed. Yep. That's the story.


	28. If You Could Read My Mind

**If You Could Read My Mind  
**

Rory was smirking as she slipped into the apartment and found Jess sprawled on the couch watching the television. 'So you forgot to order the food?'

Jess looked up, rolling his eyes. 'I didn't forget. I did the orders but the guy writes like a serial killer. Or a doctor.'

She cocked her head, staring at Jess suspiciously.

He sighed. 'I got the numbers wrong.'

Rory smirked in satisfaction and watched as Jess lifted his legs to make room for her on the couch. She took her seat next to him and smiled as he draped his arm over her shoulders.

'What are you watching?'

'I had planned to watch Almost Famous, but for a small town this place never gives you any peace.'

'Oh. You want me to go?'

'Don't you dare.' Rory felt her skin shiver and a warmth spread through her stomach as Jess placed small kisses along her cheek and then turned her head to catch her mouth. She closed her eyes, tracing her fingers along his jawline. 'I missed you this morning.' There was a frankness, an honesty in his tone that surprised her. She blushed and tried to cover it.

'You missed me? Aw!' For a moment it occurred to Rory just how much happier it made her feel to hear that from Jess as opposed to Dean, but Jess quickly moved his mouth to her neck and it wasn't long before her brain stopped processing thoughts.

'Hey, I remembered something today.'

It took a moment for her brain to reboot. When it did she found Jess smirking at her.

'You remembered…oh. What?'

'I read _The Fountainhead_ for you.'

'I know that,' Rory responded impatiently, wishing he'd get to the point and start the kissing again.

'And it was awful. Do you know how long Toohey's speech went for?'

'But it was a good speech! Okay, an evil speech but-'

'It was painful; like listening to Britney Spears while having your fingernails pulled out.'

'Oh it is not that bad! Nothing is _that_ bad,' she paused before adding thoughtfully, 'Except maybe listening to Britney while also watching her dance.' She still wasn't sure what point Jess was making and so stretched her neck to the side, trying to get his attention back where she wanted it.

For a second she thought her plan had worked as he placed a soft kiss on the side of her throat. It didn't last.

'You promised me that if I committed to it and it was still awful, you'd make it up to me.'

A smile played on Rory's lips. She remembered that conversation; a secret phone call with Jess, nearly a year ago. 'I did, didn't I?'

'Yep.'

'So…what's your price?' For some reason her brain instantly played a series of trashy porn scenarios through her head: (Of course, Rory Gilmore had never watched porn, but these days her mind wasn't as pure as it had once been, and she had a good imagination.)

Jess would ask her to start by taking off his clothes, kissing his chest. He'd ask her to -

'Read to me.'

'You…what?' She jumped out of her Porn Thoughts with a start, blinking furiously at Jess.

'Read to me.'

Well that wasn't what she'd been expecting. Oh, but sure, you were really expecting him to ask for sexual favours, she thought mockingly.

'What are we reading?' her voice sounded as confused as she felt, and she hoped like hell that he couldn't read her mind.

He was looking at her with that goddamn half smirk thing he did and his eyes were…well just look at them! Damn him. He's too beautiful for his own good.

He pointed to the coffee table. 'Read that.'

She leaned forward to pick up the book and rolled her eyes when she saw it.

'Are you trying to kill me?'

He grinned, that rare, magical grin she only saw when they were alone, and kissed her cheek softly. 'I'm just trying to educate you.'

She sighed and settled back into his arms as she opened the book and began to read _A Farewell to Arms_. 'In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains…' At least his fingers were still stroking her arm...


	29. Touch Me

_A/N: The rating has changed, folks. Not sure if it's too high now, but I wanted to play it safe. And I honestly meant for these chapters to be a hundred, maybe two hundred words each! When did that stop? Over 1600 words in this one. Jeez. Anyways, hope you enjoy it and please review if you can spare the time. _

_~VC_

_************************************************  
_

**Touch Me**

'So where are we going?' Rory asked as she climbed into Jess's car.

'I was thinking we could go out to Woodbridge, pillage their library.'

She grinned. 'I do love a good pillage.' He felt the corner of his mouth curl up at this and Rory frowned. 'That sounded dirty didn't it?'

He shrugged one shoulder. 'I wouldn't complain if you said it again.'

Rory shook her head and stared out the window. He could see she was blushing and knew she was trying to hide it. He chuckled softly and turned his gaze to the road.

A moment later he felt her hand taking hold of his as it rested on the gear stick and knew that she was testing herself. He moved his own had a little so that he could squeeze hers gently.

Later, in the library, he found her crouched on her hands and knees, a pile of large books at her side as she scanned a bottom shelf. He slid down the wall next to her and she straightened up to look at him.

'Find anything?' He held up a copy of _The Princess Bride._ Rory's brow furrowed. 'Don't you already have that?'

'Yep, but this one has the first chapter of the 'sequel' in it as well.' He made air quotes with his fingers.

'There was a sequel?'

'An imaginary sequel: _Buttercup's Baby_.'

She nodded in understanding. 'Another piece of William Goldman trickery.'

'Yep.' Jess scanned the shelves that Rory was in front of and realised where they were. 'You wanna explain to me why we're in the fishing section?'

Rory turned her back to the shelves so that she was sitting next to him. He wrapped his arm across her shoulders and she leaned against him. 'My Mom's going on a fishing date,' she explained.

He was about to question her further but then thought better of it and shook his head. 'I think it's better if I don't ask.'

'I like this,' she said, reaching up and fingering the sleeve of his white button down shirt.

'My shirt?'

'It's pretty,' she stated as if it was completely obvious. He scowled at that. Pretty? He wasn't going for pretty!

'If you say stuff like that again I'm taking the shirt off.'

He saw her eyes widen at this and she grinned as she leaned up, kissing him softly, only barely allowing her tongue to brush against his lips. He felt his skin quiver. You are such a tease Gilmore, he silently berated. Once the kiss was finished felt her warm breath tickling his ear and this time he couldn't stop himself from shivering. 'Jess? You look really pretty in that shirt…'

Was she doing this on purpose?! He tried to play it cool and smirked at her as she pulled back. 'Gilmore! You're getting dangerous!' For once he actually felt like he was the one that wanted to avoid her gaze. Keeping one's cool was infinitely harder when he could see those laughing, dancing eyes…

But there she was, staring at him, eyebrows raised, exactly as if she was waiting for him to take his shirt off. Really? She means it?

'You know I have another shirt on under this, right?'

She shrugged and smiled just a little and when she spoke her voice seemed loaded with meaning. 'I was just planning on taking it one layer at a time.'

This brought his gaze straight to her face, to her eyes. When he saw how dark they had become he realised just how much Rory was testing both of them and felt his heart, flip, jump and possibly can-can in his chest, while his stomach clenched and a rush of warmth surged through him. He took a breath, trying to keep his head on straight and looked around, focusing on the shelves. The feelings didn't go away.

Finally he stood, grabbing her hand and hauling her to her feet. 'We're not doing this in the fishing and agriculture section. You got the books you need?'

She grabbed her books and nodded, looking suddenly uncertain. He smirked, glad to be feeling like he was back in control.

'Come on then.'

They checked out their books and were back in the car two minutes later. She was watching him curiously. 'Where are we going?'

'You'll see.' Honestly, he had no idea. He just knew that he wasn't letting Rory take his shirts off in a library.

Pulling back into Stars Hollow he finally made up his mind and turned the car towards the High School, taking a detour onto an old dirt road. He stopped as his headlights hit the bank of the lake and the bridge.

Rory was giggling next to him. 'I should have guessed.'

He turned to her, smiling only slightly. Suddenly he was nervous, unsure of what to do. Jeez, when was Jess Mariano ever unsure of what to do?

As it turned out, it didn't matter though. Once again, Rory took charge, leaning across the car and placing her hands to the side of his head as she kissed him, tentatively at first, but more confidently as she felt him leaning closer. He shivered as he felt her breath against his mouth. 'That shirt is really pretty.'

Jess Mariano did _not_ get nervous and his hand was _not_ trembling as he raised it to the button at the top of his shirt…Yeah, sure. And Rory Gilmore is not the most amazing girl in the world and Stars Hollow is not a borderline mental institution. You keep lying to yourself, punk, if it makes you feel more manly.

It didn't take long for Rory to start working at his buttons as well and even less time for her hands to reach for the hem of his black shirt, once the white one had been pushed off his shoulders.

Only half conscious now, he slid his seat back as far as he could, pulling Rory across so that her knees were bent and she straddled his lap. He slid his hands into the back pockets of her jeans, telling himself it was because he liked them there, but knowing secretly it was only a way of stopping him from removing Rory's own shirt.

Her mouth was fused to his and she moaned when he squeezed his hands inside her pockets. She had managed to push his shirt halfway up his chest now and his moan echoed hers as her fingers trailed along his abs.

Suddenly she pulled back with a grunt of frustration. He opened his eyes and laughed to realise what had stopped her. With his hands shoved in her pockets, he had effectively foiled her plan of removing his shirt.

He felt her tense for a moment, as if she was realising just what she'd been doing and he moved one of his hands to grip her arm, softly.

'Hey?' He ran his hand gently up and down her forearm. 'Are you okay?'

She took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to look at him shyly. He just looked back, using his Never-Before-Seen, Once-in-A-Lifetime tender stare and he felt her relaxing again

She smiled and nodded, moving her hand to grip his. 'Yeah I'm…' her voice trailed off, and he knew she was scanning her mental thesaurus for the right words, but coming up blank.

He smiled and let her off the hook, 'Yeah, me too.'

She smiled back and leaned in to his chest, resting her head against his bunched up shirt. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest and had to assume that she could feel his in the same way. He stroked her hair, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. Suddenly she tensed again and grabbed at his wrist.

'Shit!'

'What?'

She was turning his wrist to see his watch. 'I'm late! I was supposed to meet my mom at the diner half an hour ago!'

'Shit!'

He pulled his shirt down quickly as she practically launched herself backwards into the passenger seat.

He kissed her a sweet goodbye outside the diner. 'You're not coming in?'

He shook his head. 'I don't think your mom needs to be reminded of who made you late. And I could do with a nice, cold walk right now.' He winked at her and smirked to see her blush again.

'Well I really enjoyed my pillaging expedition,' she murmured, and he knew she was smiling even though she was staring down at her shoes.

As he watched her enter the diner, Jess sighed and leaned back against the car. There was a career possibility: Jess Mariano, Pirate. He was pretty sure that didn't require a college degree.


	30. The Word of Your Body

**The Word of Your Body**

'Gigi? Really?'

Rory was surprised by Jess's strong reaction. 'Yeah. Why?'

Jess shrugged. 'It makes me think of a courtesan.'

Ew! What?! 'Jess! She's my little sister!'

He smirked. 'You've never read _Gigi_? Or seen the movie, at least?'

'Oh,' her mouth fell open in realisation. 'I hadn't thought about it like that.' She scrunched up her nose and grimaced in distaste. Now she was going to be associating all kinds of icky things to her new sister.

Jess reached out his hand and used it to pull her along the bridge towards him. 'Then I'm sorry I've tainted it for you.'

She relaxed into his embrace and smiled as she felt him place a soft kiss on her temple. 'You know, that movie always creeped me out.'

'Why?' His voice was warm and gruff and she liked feeling it rumble in his chest. She buried her head against him closer.

'A million year old French man singing "Thank heaven for little girls?"...it was a bit unsettling; always made me feel dirty.'

He chuckled softly. 'I don't think Maurice Chevalier was a million years old. And what about when Bing Crosby sang to the little girl in _High Society_, pretty much asking her when she was going to marry him? Did _that _make you feel dirty?'

Rory leaned back in his arms, studying him in amusement.

'What?'

She smirked a little, shaking her head. 'You're discussing _Gigi_ and _High Society _like it's regular teenage boy viewing.'

Jess shifted his gaze to look out at the water and Rory was pleased to see he actually looked embarrassed. 'My mom had a thing for those movies.'

His mom? Rory frowned suddenly, uncertain what to say now. Jess hardly ever mentioned his mother. She turned over on the bridge so that she was on her back, laying her head in Jess's lap as she chewed her lip uncertainly. Finally she asked, 'Which was your favourite?'

He quirked an eyebrow at her, obviously not expecting that question. 'My favourite?' he squeezed a breath out through his closed lips, as if considering. There was a pause before he spoke, 'I refuse to answer that on the grounds that it may embarrass me.'

She giggled, staring up at him as she poked his chest with a finger. 'That's a cop out.'

He just gazed back down at her, a sexy smirk on his lips as he caught her hand and started tracing circles on her wrist. Suddenly she found her breathing changing as her skin tingled and she wanted to yell at herself for letting him distract her. She saw his eyes darken as they fixed on her chest and she wanted to scold him but the words choked in her throat. She let him lift her hand up and press it against his cheek, rough stubble rubbing her fingers as he finally shifted to look her in the eyes.

'You're beautiful,' the words whispered around her so gently that for a moment she thought perhaps she'd imagined them, but the expression on Jess's face convinced her otherwise.

Rory felt the blush spreading over her face and neck like wildfire. She had no idea how to respond to that; partly because she couldn't think of words right now, but also because she was sure that her voice wouldn't work.

It didn't matter. Moments later Jess had pulled her up in his arms and was gently covering her mouth with his lips. She lightly kissed him back, struck by how different this moment felt compared to others they'd shared...Somehow it felt honest...

The kiss was tender and gentle. Not something you often got from Jess. And yet, Rory was surprised at how it still made her stomach flip and her skin burn. When they finally broke away, she was still stuck for words. Jess pressed his forehead against hers and his thumb traced across her cheek, softly. She let her eyes close, enjoying the sensations his touch created and feeling the shivers run down her spine, while trying to regain control of her brain.

'Jess...' she finally managed to breath out his name, causing him to pull back slowly.

'Yeah?'

The loss of contact and the sound of his voice finally drew her out of her stupor. A slight giggle escaped her throat and she shook her head, blushing again. 'You make my head crazy.'

He smirked. Of course he did. He's always smirking, damn him! 'I thought your head was always crazy, Gilmore?'

His teasing tone got her back on her game. She pointed her finger at him again. 'You were distracting me! I was trying to interrogate you and then you go all...crazy...' her finger waved in the air, as if to emphasise her point, 'with your words and your kisses and the shiverying and the goosebumps and you're just a fiend!' She let out a small puff of breath as she finished her rant and crossing her arms over her chest, flopped back down in his lap, staring at the sky.

Above her, Jess was smiling, looking mightily amused. 'I make you shiver?' he asked, his voice light but still so damn warm and sexy. Rory tried to keep a stony face. Jess trailed his fingers along her folded arms.

'I give you goosebumps?'

She tried to scowl. 'The cold gives me goosebumps.'

He shook his head, seriously. 'That's not what you said before.'

'I told you: I was crazy before.'

His fingers had now trailed down her side and were gently brushing at the exposed skin below her shirt. 'So I make you crazy?...Rory?'

She couldn't answer him. The feeling of his fingertips shivering across her stomach had again shut down her brain and her body had tensed. She was vaguely aware of the smirk leaving his face as he looked down and saw her expression. He held her gaze as he continued his caresses, only looking away occasionally to follow the path of his fingers. If she'd been slightly more coherent she might have realised that he was as transfixed as her, but Rory was anything other than coherent at that time.

The rude honking of a swan eventually shattered the moment, causing Rory and Jess to hurry from the bridge quickly, both laughing out loud, though inwardly cursing said swan. It was only when they'd kissed each other goodbye and Jess was headed back to the diner that Rory remembered, she still hadn't found out which old movie was Jess's favourite.


	31. James Dean

_A/N: Wow, finally, a much shorter chapter. I've been dreading writing this one for ages (and quite a few of the ones to follow), because mostly, I hate the way Rory treats Jess in these episodes. Sigh. I don't always understand how her mind works, which makes it hard to get in her head. Hopefully you're satisfied with what I've finally come up with. Reviews as always, are appreciated._

_Cheers, _

_VC  
_

**James Dean**

This hadn't been the plan. Jess was supposed to drive her home. She was supposed to tell him something...something possibly momentous and life altering. He would have kissed her passionately (she hadn't dared believe that he would echo her sentiments), and then they would have fallen into her house, a tangle of limbs and hormones and disappearing clothing.

She wasn't supposed to be lying alone in this double bed in her grandparents' house on starched cotton sheets, trying to repress her sobs.

Why wouldn't he tell her what had happened? Why did it seem that this relationship revolved around Dean as much as it did the two of them?

She burrowed deeper into the ridiculously soft mattress, almost ashamed to admit to herself how much she'd lied to her mom. Of course she'd been thinking about sex! Every time she thought about Jess her senses screamed for him. To see him, to touch him, smell him, to hear his voice, taste his skin…but after what had happened tonight she was suddenly wondering: had everyone's warning been right? Was he just a no good James Dean wannabe? A lowdown rebel without a cause, getting into fights, breaking all the rules? She knew without a doubt she would have let him break her tonight…but not anymore. She hated to think that her mother had been right.

Twenty four hours later, all was forgotten. He hadn't fought with Dean. She couldn't ignore the snooty voice inside her that scolded her for not believing Jess in the first place and for not at least giving him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, Dean was becoming a part of their relationship, but only because she let him. That has to stop, she decided, seeing Jess before her, dismissing the incident as trivial and trying not to show the hurt on his face.

'It's okay. I would have doubted me too.' She couldn't believe how cool he was being about all of this and wondered if he could he see the guilt that she was certain was in her face.

She didn't believe him for a second about the football, but somehow she knew that it didn't matter now. She didn't care. She kissed him tenderly, delighting in the smile that she could see on his face. Tasting the passion in his kiss, smelling the smoke in his clothes and feeling his hands pulling her in tighter she moaned softly and instantly felt Jess's body react. That was new; she liked it.

But she couldn't continue this right now. 'Keep thinking what you're thinking,' she murmured, gathering up her bags.

It was time to go talk to her mom. James Dean might have been a rebel without a cause, too fast to live, too young to die, but Rory was certain that buried somewhere beneath his hard exterior there had been a secret part of him that a girl like her could have fallen in love with…


	32. Guys and Dolls

_A/N: I know this took forever. I have been procrastinating, 'cos I wasn't sure how to handle this episode. Mostly I think Rory is just annoyingly high maintenance in it. Anyways, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I feel like I've fixed something that shouldn't have been broken in the first place.  
_

_VC  
_

**Guys and Dolls**

Jess didn't get it. Why was Rory freezing him out? Of course, Lorelai was only too happy to fill him in on the details…repeatedly. It made him uncomfortable to wonder how much of their relationship Rory discussed with her mom.

It wasn't like he didn't want to hang out with her, but she wasn't the only thing in his life. Frustrated he marched back to his car, fingering The Distillers tickets in his pocket. Was she really at the hockey game?

Lorelai had asked if he really expected Rory to be home at seven thirty on a Saturday night. Honestly, he did. Wasn't she that kind of girl? Unless there was some crazy town event (non-sporting related), he would imagine her spending most nights curled up with a book or watching some obscure TV show.

Leaning on his car he watched as the crowd (or rather, the Doose clan and a half dozen other people) spilled out of the hockey rink but he couldn't see Rory among them. Frowning he wondered if Lorelai had gone completely evil and was now purposely sabotaging his relationship with her daughter. He wouldn't put it past her.

Hoisting himself up onto the car bonnet he was beginning to figure out his next step when he heard Rory's voice inside the rink. For a second it freaked him out – it sounded like she was having a conversation with him, but unless he was having some freaky out of body experience he was pretty sure he wasn't with her. Maybe Rory's gone nuts? I mean, Lorelai is her mother after all…wouldn't put it past them to talk to imaginary people.

Of course, for all of his apparent faults, Jess was a smart boy. She's talking to the answering machine. Oh Luke's gonna' love hearing this. He could feel the frustration coming back as she yelled at Answering Machine Jess for not calling or making proper plans, and he wondered what the hell was wrong with her that she couldn't have picked up the phone and called him. It wasn't like she had to work two jobs to get her money. She was the one that wanted to go on dates and yet when it came time to pay for the date, it was always his money that covered the bill. Acknowledging his own feelings of annoyance he was about to plan his own fighting words for when she came out, but then he heard her final words to the machine.

'And if that doesn't sound like something that you can or want to do, then fine. I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you'll call, but it's not going to be me.'

A sudden panic rose up in his chest. Was she breaking up with him? Was that a break up message? He tried to remember what she'd said before that but his brain seemed to be irritatingly stupid all of a sudden.

Seeing her finally walk out of the building he tried to ignore the terror that was clawing at his insides. All feelings of anger were promptly forgotten. He'd be anything she wanted. He just couldn't lose her.

He had to play it cool. Pretend that he hadn't heard anything. She seemed to accept his explanation for showing up late and she was going with him to the concert, right? She wasn't breaking up with him…not now at least. When she told him to delete the messages on the machine without listening he finally let himself breathe normally. Okay. Whatever issues she had with him, she was going to deal with them herself.

She was quiet on the drive to the concert. He knew that they should talk about this…whatever it was…Every time the song on his car stereo changed he opened his mouth to say something, but for some reason, the words weren't coming out. He couldn't do it. To talk about his failings would mean pointing out hers, and he was too damn terrified to do that. Ugh. Jess Mariano terrified that a girl might break up with him. He wondered if this was a sign of an impending apocalypse.

He watched her walk away from him as he dropped her home and punched his fist into the dashboard of his car. He knew she was still upset. How did things get so messed up so quickly? How had he been so oblivious to it?

He left his car at Luke's and wandered over to the school and his bridge. He laid face down, pressing his face into the gaps between the planks and just listened to the water lapping at the bank, ruminating on the meaning of life, the universe and everything. Well, in actual fact, it was mostly the question 'why is life so damn complicated?' He might have fallen asleep there if he hadn't heard a foot fall against the bridge.

'Hey,' he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world for her to be out on the bridge at one in the morning. Hell, for them, it kind of was. He sat up, eying her uncertainly.

'Hey.' She kept her arms wrapped around herself and her shoulders slightly hunched as she walked slowly towards him.

Break the silence. Make things normal. 'Do you have the answer?'

She paused, gazing down at him. 'What?'

'To life, the universe and everything?'

He saw her crack a small smile as she sank down next to him. 'Forty two. You should know that.'

He smirked back at her. 'I did. I was testing you.'

'Oh,' she nodded and Jess used the moment to wrap his arm around her back, pulling her in close to him.

'You got any plans for tomorrow?'

The question seemed to surprise her, but she shook her head. 'Nope.' There was a pause before she continued. 'You?'

'I'm working at the diner for a few hours but if you want we could hang out afterwards? They were advertising a classics film festival at the cinema in Hartford.'

She grinned then. A proper, real, Rory Gilmore grin. If Jess hadn't been Jess, he might have done a jig. She was nodding. 'Yeah, I saw. We could do that.'

'Meet me at Luke's at twelve?'

'Okay. But I get to pick the movie.' Her grin had turned slightly evil.

He groaned dramatically. 'Dare I ask?'

'Guys and Dolls.'

He was remembering the conversation a few weeks earlier when he'd let slip the fact that he'd grown up watching old musicals with Liz. He knew what she was doing and tried to scowl, but her grinning at him didn't make it easy.

Finally he just shook his head and turning his eyes away from her, sang under his breath, 'Call it sad, call it funny, but it's better than even money, that the guys only doing it for some doll.'

Her laugh was loud and raucous and he found the only way he could get her to stop was by applying his mouth to hers.

Problems solved.

*************************

_You know how we all feel about reviews. They're good things. Very good things._


	33. Temptation Waits

**Temptation Waits**

'How much do you wish the Vorgons would come and wipe out Earth right about now?'

She laughed, though it sounded hollow and squeaky, a tell tale sign of her embarrassment. 'That might be nice. Or if they could at least just take out Paris.'

Jess chuckled as he dropped down on the bridge next to Rory. 'I have to say I was impressed. You kept your cool. Your head didn't explode...'

Rory dropped her head down so her hair fell in front of her face. Even in the dark, he knew her cheeks were burning. 'It's so embarrassing.'

He nudged her lightly with his shoulder. 'No it's not.'

She lifted her head and peered at his face through her curtain of hair. 'It's not? Paris just announced the details of my non-existent sex life on national television!'

'Yeah, but she said a whole lot of other things about herself. And there's nothing wrong or embarrassing about being a virgin.' He reached a hand out and gently pushed Rory's hair back behind her ear, trailing a finger down her neck as he did so, then leaned in, positioning his mouth by her ear and whispering quietly, 'And from my point of view, it's kind of a turn on.' He felt her body shiver in response and smirked.

His hand wound itself into her hair, turning her head gently to face him as his lips dropped and began plying softly at hers. Her mouth opened and he knew she wanted more, but he held off and distracted her instead by running his free hand down her side.

'Jess?!' He wasn't entirely sure if she'd breathed his name or moaned it, but either way, her voice had affected him. Momentarily thrown, he unwittingly allowed Rory to lean back on the hard planks of the bridge and pull him with her, so that he was almost on top of her. She shifted underneath him and he breathed in sharply, trying to regain control. This girl had no idea how powerful she was.

Her tongue finally forced its way passed his lips and he gave in, allowing himself to abandon control for a few minutes and just enjoy the moment. When he felt her hands working their way under his shirt, however, he forced himself to pull back from his Rory-induced bliss. The feeling of her fingers skimming over his skin could send him out of his mind.

'Rory,' he said, as he dragged himself back to a sitting position.

'What? Why'd you stop?'

He chuckled dryly. 'Well, I've heard that you need your chastity belt in tact if you wanna go to Harvard...Not that we're gonna...you know...right now, but I don't want to make too many chinks-'

'Jess?' Her voice was soft and warm and gentle and god damn it why did it make his stomach flop?

He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak.

'I got three big envelopes tonight.'

'You...what?'

She was pushing herself up on her hands so her face was level with his. 'Harvard, Princeton and Yale. I got into all of them.' A self conscious grin split her face and without his consent, Jess felt his own face grinning back at her.

'All three?'

She nodded, but her grin turned into something more like his own smirk as her hands gripped the lapels of his jacket and pulled him back down with her onto the bridge. 'And you know what? I don't think they check for chinks once they've said yes.'

Even if Jess had been able to formulate a half decent response to that, there was no way he'd have been able to get it out...Rory had already caught his mouth with hers. He was in no position to object.

**A/N: Wow, it's dangerously easy to write these two in smutty situations. But hey, what is fan fiction if not wish fulfillment? Hope this passes muster. I'm not planning to cross the proverbial line, but I'm certainly seem to be getting as close to it as I can. Feedback makes me happy, 'cos I'm a narcissist. **

**Cheers,**

**~VC**


	34. Welcome To My Paradise

**Welcome To My Paradise**

Rory smirked to herself as she climbed back into her temporary bed at Lane's house. The look on Jess's face as he'd been confronted by Mrs. Kim and her cricket bat had been slightly hilarious and incredibly adorable. Suddenly it occurred to her that she hadn't had the chance to kiss him goodnight.

'Where are you going?' Lane's voice was nervous as she watched Rory clamber back out of bed and slip on her socks and sneakers.

'Don't worry. I'll come back. I just have to…' she nodded her head towards the window and Lane sighed in resigned understanding.

'Mama will kill you.'

Rory hesitated as she straddled the window ledge, then shrugged helplessly at Lane. 'It'll be worth it.'

'But first, Mama will kill me,' Lane muttered to herself, well aware of the fact that Rory was already gone and couldn't hear her.

Rory ran on quiet feet, keeping hunched over until she was a safe distance from the Kims' house. She could see her boyfriend's figure strolling towards the diner and called out softly. 'Jess!'

He seemed surprised as he turned to face her, but the expression on his face quickly turned into one of pleasure. 'You escaped,' he observed, his trademark smirk making an appearance.

'I'm a regular Steve McQueen,' she panted, pulling up to a stop next to him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist. 'Nah. You're prettier than him.'

She kissed him lightly on the lips before leaning back in his embrace. 'Really? You'd choose me over him?'

Jess pretended to consider this for a moment before responding. 'Over anybody,' he said, turning them to start walking away from the town square.

Rory was slightly taken aback by the implications behind that statement, but before she could comment on it, Jess had already moved on.

'So the Inn is really going to be okay?'

She tried to focus on his new topic and filed his admission away in her mind for later analysis. 'I hope so. It's crazy how something like that can just happen. Yesterday it was a fully functional Inn and everything was fine and now…well now I'm not sure what it is. It's slightly scary.' As Rory spoke, she realised that this was the first time she'd admitted to herself the enormity of the situation. She thought of the Inn as she'd known it growing up, and how for so many years it had been a huge part of her life. Her voice cracked a little as she spoke again. 'I hope it's okay…'

In answer, Jess just wrapped his arm tighter around her waist and pulled her in closer as they walked. Rory felt comforted.

After a short silence she began to speak again. 'I grew up there you know.'

'At the Inn?'

'Yeah. Well, no. In the potting shed out back. Mia let Mom live in it after she ran away from home.'

Jess seemed amused. 'You grew up in a shed?'

'Yep. For nine years,' she said, with an unmistakable hint of pride in her voice.

'That's kind of cool.'

Rory paused suddenly, looking up at Jess. 'Do you want to see it?'

'The potting shed?'

She nodded, a grin on her face. Jess smiled back and held out his hand. 'Show me the way.'

Fifteen minutes later, Rory was giving Jess the grand tour of her childhood home. 'And there was a curtain around the bath. And Mom's bed was over there.' She pointed to the corner where a small single bed now lived.

'Whose bed is that then?'

'Rune's,' Rory screwed up her nose in distaste as she answered. 'Jackson's cousin. He lived here for a while last year.'

Jess just nodded and moved to sit on the bed. Seeing him there, bundled inside his blue jacket, his crazy hair starting to ignore the gel he'd styled it with so many hours earlier and his dark eyes glinting, Rory's brain immediately started to shut down. She quickly scrambled for something else to say. 'And over there…tools. Well, we didn't have as many. Any. One. We just kept a shovel. Mom called it Daisy. She was there so we could hit bad guys, if we needed to.'

Jess laughed lazily and Rory started to relax. 'Daisy the shovel? Why is it that that doesn't surprise me as much as it should?'

''Cos you've already figured out that Gilmores are slightly unhinged?' she grinned at him.

He nodded in agreement and held a hand out to her. She took it, collapsing clumsily next to him on the bed. 'You loved it here, didn't you?'

Rory sighed softly as she relaxed into his arms. 'Yeah. It was my first home. And maybe it sounds weird and crappy to some people – I mean, my Grandma completely freaked when she found out about it – but for us it was…it was us. You know? It was ours.'

'I get it,' Jess murmured softly, his lips in her hair. 'Honestly, I'm kind of jealous.'

'Really? Jealous?'

'There's nowhere in New York that I would ever call home. Not in the way you do.'

Again, Rory realised that this was a big admission for Jess. She couldn't say anything, but just snuggled closer to his side, enjoying the feeling of his fingers playing with her hair.

It was hours later when she woke up to Jess's gentle snoring. It took her a moment to realise where she was. For a second she was ready to start panicking, but seeing Jess look so comfortable, his arms wrapped around her, she somehow didn't feel the need. This wasn't a panicky moment. This was a nice one.

She lay on her side, watching his face as he slept and musing over his earlier admissions. He'd choose her above anyone. That made her all kinds of happy.

But he'd never had a place to call home. That was sad. His life before Stars Hollow was rarely mentioned, and as much as she wanted to know all about his past, she was slightly afraid of what he might have to tell her. She knew she'd feel sorry for him, yet instinctively she knew that he wouldn't want that. He wouldn't want her pity. Slowly, she reached up and traced her hand along his cheek. He looked so perfect now. Straining her neck forward she tenderly kissed his lips, then started in surprise as she felt him kiss her back.

'Hey,' he murmured, voice soft and heavy with sleep. 'Am I Snow White now? You come to wake me up?'

'No. I don't think Snow White snores,' she teased lightly, amused at the flush that covered his cheeks.

He chuckled, trying to cover his embarrassment as he sat up, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. 'Sorry.'

Rory shrugged it off. 'It's actually a good thing. I wouldn't have woken up otherwise, and then Mrs. Kim would have killed me and you and probably Luke and my mom for corrupting her daughter and then she would have killed her daughter, in an attempt to cleanse her soul.'

'That woman scares me.'

She stood up from the bed and held her hand out to Jess, pulling him up after her. 'That woman scares everyone.'

'So I better get you back to your real bed, so we can avoid carnage.'

'That's probably a good idea.' Rory didn't voice the fact that she didn't want to go back. Somehow she got the impression that Jess already knew. She wanted to stay in the potting shed, wrapped up with Jess and listen to him snoring.

'G'night Rory,' Jess kissed her goodbye outside the Kim house.

'Night Jess,' she was about to let him walk away before she remembered something. 'Oh. Be careful sneaking in. I think my mom might be crashing with Luke tonight.'

He raised his eyebrows in amusement and then nodded, before slinking away.

The next morning in the diner, Rory had to fight really hard to get the right amount of horror on her face as her mother announced smugly, 'By the way; your boyfriend snores.'

On the inside, she was dancing as she watched him walking away. I know Mom. Believe me: I know!

**A/N: Even though she doesn't approve of the content in this story, ****Mrs. Kim still believes it's only polite to review...**


	35. Speak To Me

**Speak To Me**

'Hey!'

'You're here,' Rory grinned at Jess as he entered the house, bags of Thai food in his arms.

'Said I would be.'

She frowned, immediately noticing the edge in Jess's voice, but deciding to ignore it. 'Let the disco fever begin!'

They settled on the couch and divvyed up the food, Rory giggling and mocking John Travolta as Saturday Night Fever began. She couldn't help but notice though that Jess still seemed withdrawn.

Twenty minutes and barely ten words from Jess later, Rory decided she'd had enough and leaned over to pause the film. She'd had plans for tonight and Jess being in a mood was going to make things harder.

'Okay. Spill.'

'Spill?'

'No one would ever mistake you for a talkative person, but this is a bit crazy.'

Jess didn't meet her gaze, instead just staring at the television. 'I thought we were watching the movie?'

'We will, once you tell me what's wrong.'

Jess glanced across at her quickly, but still avoided her eyes. 'Well, John Travolta's outfit is pretty terrifying, but apart from that...'

Rory sighed heavily. 'You're not going to answer me are you?'

As Jess just stared at his hands in his lap, Rory stood abruptly and started gathering the remains of their dinner.

'Fine.' She didn't like dealing with terse, moody Jess. She wanted the Jess she'd had yesterday who had admitted to knowing the exact distance between Stars Hollow and Yale. That Jess had made her skin shiver and her heart flutter. This one just made her nervous and uncomfortable.

She could feel his eyes on her as she carried the containers into the kitchen. Moments later she heard him grumble something softly before his footsteps followed after her.

'Need help?'

He was leaning in the doorway, watching as she combined the leftovers into one container and threw out the rest. She fought to keep her voice cool. 'Nope. I'm fine.'

This time he sighed. Out the corner of her eye she could see him running his hand through his hair.

'Rory-'

'Hmm?' She kept her attention on the task in front of her, not trusting herself to face Jess.

'Look at me?'

She paused her actions, willing her hands to remain steady before she finally turned. The expression on his face surprised her. Apparently it was his turn to feel nervous and uncomfortable.

There was silence for awhile as they just held each others gaze. Finally Rory gave in and spoke. 'What is it Jess?'

'Sorry.'

Rory's face froze, mouth half open. She hadn't been expecting that. Seconds later she reclaimed her wits and reminded herself that he still hadn't told her what was wrong.

'Are you going to tell me why you're miserable?' she asked, tentatively.

His eyes seemed to soften as he looked at her. 'I'm not miserable.'

'Really? 'Cos you were doing a good impersonation of a miserable person in there...' she gestured back to the lounge room.

He shrugged. 'I was just distracted... Long day. Work. Luke.'

Rory chewed her lip, not entirely convinced that she should accept this explanation. 'Luke?'

'He wants me to quit Wal-Mart.'

'Really? I thought he liked you working there?'

Again Rory was answered with a shrug. 'Apparently he thinks I'm doing too much.'

'Are you?'

'I've got it under control.'

Rory hummed sceptically. 'That's what you keep saying.'

Jess's eyes turned pleading and he held his arms out towards her. 'Can we please just leave this for now? Let's go watch the movie.'

'Are you still going to be distracted?'

And as if a switch had been flipped, Miserable Jess suddenly turned into Cheeky Jess. One eyebrow arched up, his lips quirked into a smirk and he said, 'That depends on you...'

She allowed him to take her hand and pull her back to the living room. She knew things still weren't perfect, but for now she'd let it slide.

'I still prefer Grease,' she decided as the credits rolled. Jess had finally relaxed and she was now curled into his side as he idly played with her hair.

'I don't know why you think you have to choose between them. They're totally different movies.'

'No they're not. They both have John Travolta, they both have music and they both have dancing.'

Jess snorted, apparently not impressed with Rory's simplistic comparisons. 'You're going to tell me this works the same as The Princess Bride and Robin Hood: Men in Tights aren't you?'

'Exactly. 'Cos, see, again, same things in both movies: Cary Elwes, action, adventure and comedy.'

'Yeah, yeah, I remember,' Jess sighed and then added with a smirk, 'We had that debate last week.'

Rory blushed, remembering the night a week earlier when they'd had that argument and just how it had been resolved. She noticed Jess smirking at her and knew he was thinking of the same thing. She leaned forward and grabbed her drink, taking a large gulp as she struggled to regain her composure. Jess chuckled lightly and she knew he wasn't fooled. Once she'd put her glass back on the table she settled back on the couch and allowed him to pull her into his arms.

'So,' he began, his voice low and his breath tickling her ear, 'This is the third night in a row, your mom's left us alone in the house.'

Rory smiled and snuggled further into his embrace. 'I know.'

'How'd you manage that?'

'Jedi mind control.'

'Really? Didn't know you could do that.' Jess was nuzzling her neck now and Rory shivered with pleasure.

There was a short pause before she could form her next words. 'Well I have lots of secrets.'

Jess lifted his head at this and looked at her, his tone disbelieving. 'Oh yeah?'

She turned in her seat so that she could face him properly. 'Yeah...'

As their lips met, the kiss started out tender and warm, but Rory could feel it quickly picking up intensity as Jess started to lower her on to her back, leaning over her. She suddenly remembered her original mission for the night.

'Wait! Wait!' She pushed him back and both sat quiet for a moment slightly breathless.

'What's wrong?'

'I need to ask you something.'

'Okay...' Jess waited curiously for her to continue.

'Prom.'

'Prom?' Jess echoed.

'I want to go.'

He scowled, nose curling in distaste. 'Chilton?'

Rory shook her head. 'Stars Hollow.' She watched his face nervously and was surprised to see him almost smile.

She thought she might pass out when she heard him chuckle. 'You don't go to Stars Hollow.'

'No. But you do...'

'Are you asking me to my own prom?'

'Um...yes.'

There was another long silence as she let Jess process the idea. 'Why?'

She hesitated before answering. 'Because I want to go to prom with Lane.'

He laughed for real at that. 'I didn't know you felt like that.'

Rory slapped his arm lightly. 'You know what I mean. I want to go to the same prom as Lane, but I want you to be my date.'

'I'm flattered,' Jess smirked, dryly. He was joking around, but Rory relaxed, confident now that he'd say yes.

'You should be,' Rory smiled as she curled herself back into his side. 'I wouldn't go to prom with just anybody.'

'But you'll go with me?'

'Well you're the prettiest.'

He sniggered. 'Prettier than Lane?'

He was nuzzling the side of her neck again. Rory was distracted by the goose bumps breaking out on her arms and the shivers shooting across her skin. She turned slowly to face him, straddling his lap and draping her arms around his neck as she brought her lips to his. 'Much prettier than Lane,' she managed to mumble before she traced her tongue over his lips.

His mouth opened and she quickly lost herself in the feelings of the kiss and the sensation of his hands as they slid up the back of her shirt. His lips moved to trail kisses along her jaw line and somewhere in her fuzzy brain she heard Jess's husky voice as he whispered in her ear, 'Then I guess we're going to prom.'

This time when he lowered her down onto the couch she didn't stop him.

_A/N: Keg! Max! episode coming up next. Review if you want me to take the chapter in a semi-happy angle... (Blackmail is fun!)_


	36. Joe Strummer

_A/N: The episode that makes everyone want to look the other way. Sigh. So I did write about an earlier scene from this ep, rather than rehashing the dreaded Bedroom scene. This takes place just before we see Rory and Jess watching Lane's band rehearse. After this one, future chapters are going to have to deal with the yucky stuff, but please stick around, 'cos I do plan on eventually getting to a happy ending. And I actually have some fun ideas for dealing with the yucky stuff. Oh, and I keep meaning to pimp MissGoalie75's incredible R/J one shots. 'Cos they are amazing. And they make me happy. If you haven't already, go read and review them (after you're finished here)._

_Enjoy,_

_VC_

**Joe Strummer**

Rory looked like she was ready to explode as she burst out of her front door and grabbed his hand. 'Quick, quick, quick!' She tugged him up the porch steps so roughly that he almost tripped.

'Jeez Rory! Is there another fire?'

'Nope. This is better than a fire.'

'Funnily enough, that doesn't comfort me.'

'Trust me! This is awesome.'

He smiled as they made it into the house in one piece. 'Does it involve making out?'

She scoffed at him as she pushed him forcibly onto the couch. 'No. Now sit there and don't move.'

Intrigued and slightly turned on by Rory's behaviour, Jess did as he was told. His girlfriend disappeared up the stairs and he could not for the life of him figure out what she was up to. Sure, he could fantasise, but somehow he didn't think any of his fantasies were exactly realistic.

'Okay, close you eyes!' Rory's voice floated down from the upstairs landing and again, Jess did as he was told, trying to ignore the fact that forty percent of his fantasies started something like this.

Footsteps clomped ungracefully back down the staircase and he knew Rory was standing in front of him again. 'Are you done? Can I look?' he asked, trying to keep his voice cool.

'Yes you may,' Rory answered primly.

Jess opened his eyes slowly, having no idea what to expect. Rory stood in front of him, fighting back a grin. Nothing appeared to have changed except for the fact that she was now wearing a black leather jacket- Maybe wearing was the wrong word. She really looked like she was drowning in it.

'Huh,' Jess blinked, trying to work out what this was about. 'I think it's too big for you.'

Rory raised her arms, shaking them awkwardly until her hands appeared from the edge of the sleeves. 'That's because it's not mine, it's my mom's. It kind of fits her. But…' she paused, Jess guessed for dramatic effect, 'It fit Joe Strummer perfectly.'

Jess's mind usually worked at warp speeds, picking up details and observations, analysing, contemplating and so on much quicker than the average Tom, Dick or Taylor.

He was ashamed to admit therefore, that he sat in stunned silence trying to process this particular comment for ten long seconds.

He thought he'd just about made sense of everything when Rory pulled a piece of paper from a pocket and thrust it into his hand. It was a certificate of authenticity, declaring that this was Joe Strummer's leather jacket, as worn during the 1979 Pearl Harbor tour.

He launched himself off the couch, staring wide eyed at the jacket. 'No way!'

Rory was now smirking smugly. 'Yup.'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'Really?'

Rory laughed. 'Do you want to try it on?'

'Really?'

Shrugging her shoulders out of the jacket Rory snickered. 'Your vocabulary is getting worse.'

He knew that warranted some smart ass comment but at the moment, he was too distracted by the jacket that Rory was handing him.

'Wow. It almost fits you.' Rory sounded jealous. Jess smirked as he shifted around inside the jacket. It did fit. Jess Mariano fit into Joe Strummer's jacket. And it felt good!

'This is insane!' he murmured, eyes wide as he looked at Rory.

'I told you it was.'

'How the hell did your mom get this?'

'Birthday present from a crazed sycophant.'

'Wow. I wish I knew a crazed sycophant.'

Rory grinned and stood on her tiptoes to peck him on the lips. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, Jess couldn't help but notice how easy and comfortable he was with these gestures. It felt right. Normal. Wonderful… His hands rested automatically on her hips as if that was their rightful place and it occurred to him how amazing it was that this incredible, small town girl understood how awesome Joe Strummer was. He loved the fact that she understood the significance of this jacket. He loved that she knew him well enough to know without asking, how much he would appreciate it. He loved that she genuinely was as excited by it as he was. He loved…everything. All of it. All of her.

Rory spoke. 'Well if you behave, maybe for your birthday, I'll be a crazed sycophant.'

Jess eyed her in amusement. 'What? You gonna track down the rest of Strummer's wardrobe?'

She glanced up at the ceiling nonchalantly and shrugged. 'I really can't say. It wouldn't be appropriate to tell you.'

He wondered exactly what that meant. He got the feeling she was planning something. Of course, the only response he could come up with was, 'Huh.'

She kissed him again, quickly, chastely, but he moved his hands, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back into his body before she could move away. They both shared a cheeky grin at that moment and Jess was sure that they were both on the same page.

But Rory's face changed suddenly and she shifted uncomfortably. Jess felt his whole body tense. Had he screwed something up again? 'Rory?'

She shook her head and offered him a small smile as if to assure him that things were okay. 'The band,' she explained. 'They're going to be here in a minute.'

Straight away he relaxed; an easy grin on his face. 'Rory; we're talking about Dave, Lane, Zack and Brian… They might get here in two minutes but it's going to take them half an hour minimum to decide what song to play first.'

He watched her bite her lip, processing this and he quickly attempted to strengthen his argument. 'Then you know they'll have to figure out if Brian is going to stand on the left or the right side of the garage and then he'll have a panic attack while Zack storms off and Dave and Lane will be too busy flirting to fix anything and they're not going to need us for an hour at least.'

When he finally stopped, Rory was grinning and he swore if there really was such a thing as 'laughing eyes,' he had the prime example right in front of him. 'You talk too much,' she stated softly, grabbing his hand in hers and pulling him towards her bedroom.

'Never thought I'd hear anyone say that,' he mused, allowing himself to be manhandled on to her bed.

'Shut up,' she ordered, grin still in place as she lay down next to him and gripped the lapels of Joe Strummer's jacket to pull him in closer.

'Yes m'am,' he smirked. A heated silence fell on the room for some time, until Rory pulled back and giggled suddenly.

'What? Since when was making out a joke?' Jess asked in confusion.

Rory was still giggling. 'I was just thinking…since you're wearing the jacket…'

He wasn't sure he wanted to know where this was going, but he had to ask anyway. 'Yeah?'

'Could you hum London Calling while we make out?'

Of course, Jess was vehemently opposed to the idea, but the thing about dating Rory Gilmore was that she had incredible powers of persuasion; and it seemed, these days, she wasn't afraid to use them. It took all of thirty seconds for Jess to cave, though as it turned out, he barely made it to the first chorus before all thoughts of The Clash and Joe Strummer had left both their minds.

Neither were aware of Lane and her band mates arriving outside. Jess had no idea that Brian couldn't figure out which side of the garage he should be standing on. It didn't matter to them that Zach had stormed off in annoyance or that Lane and Dave were too wrapped up in each other to wonder where Rory and Jess were.

Ignorance, on this occasion, really was bliss.


	37. Stay

**Stay**

It was only as the bus started to pull away that Rory really allowed herself to think about the situation. About the fact that neither of them had brought up the incidents at the party; not the scene in the bedroom or the fight with Dean. The bedroom scene she could get over. Sure, she'd been confused and hurt at the time, but logically she knew Jess wasn't trying to push her into something. He'd just been in a strange head space while she'd been trying to bring him out of his funk.

It was his fight with Dean that had been haunting her for days. She wanted to apologise to him. To reassure him that she hadn't meant to run to her ex-boyfriend like that and to tell him that Dean's high-handed attempt to defend her honour was absolutely not what she'd intended. She wanted to tell him that it was him that she wanted. It had always been him.

But none of that had come up during their thirty second conversation on the bus. They'd skirted the issues, discussing Fran's funeral instead. And prom. He wasn't taking her to prom. He'd said he couldn't get tickets. She wasn't sure what that meant, but she filed her disappointment away to be dealt with later.

She remembered the way he'd shifted in his seat as he'd said he'd call her. The promise had been hollow, she was sure. It reminded her of the time a couple of months back that he hadn't called one weekend and she'd cleaned her keyboard and catalogued her homework while pining away, before resorting to going to a hockey game (_a hockey game!_). Eventually he'd shown up with tickets to The Distillers, but not until she'd questioned everything she wanted to believe about him. She didn't want to go through that again. This time she was resolved not to wait for his call. This time, she'd go to him.

She was still standing on the sidewalk. The bus was long gone and students were milling around her, some murmuring to each other about the strange girl staring at nothing. What exactly was she supposed to be doing?

And that was when Rory finally allowed herself to wonder, exactly what was Jess doing? Why was he on a bus, heading out of town in the middle of the day? Why had he been so put out when he'd seen her there? Without warning, she felt tears suddenly stinging her eyes and her throat tightened. All she could see was that plea that had been in his eyes, after his fight with Dean, that she hadn't had the wits to respond to and the look of absolute defeat in his face that had followed it. She knew now. He couldn't take her to prom and he wasn't going to call.

She remembered all the times he'd held her hand, wrapped his arm over her shoulder and made her feel safe and loved (even if the words were never said). The times that he'd known exactly what to say, or what not to say, when she'd been upset about something. The hours they'd spent together just reading or listening to music. She thought of how he'd smelt, wearing Joe Strummer's leather jacket and how excited he'd been by it. How he'd tasted that last time she'd kissed him. And then all she could think of was all the moments that she hadn't told him she loved him. All the moments that she'd wanted to, but held back. And now she knew it was too late.

She looked back out at the street, as if she was still watching the bus. But Jess was gone.

_A/N: Damn it, now I'm all weepy. I hate these episodes. Sigh. For anyone interested, the song that I've used as the title of this chapter is by Michelle Featherstone. It might not be a Rory/Jess type song, but it seemed to fit in this instance. And it adds to the weepy factor._

_Now cheer me up with a happy review!_

_Cheers,_

_~VC_


	38. I'll Be Your Mirror

**I'll Be Your Mirror**

As he'd done most nights since his arrival in California, Jess slipped away from the dinner table and went back into Jimmy's study.

There was something bizarre about this room. Jess felt like he was looking at a place that should be his. The books were his kind of books (no Dan Brown novels here). There was a collection of vinyl and CD's that seemed to cover all of his favourite eras and styles of music from the past sixty years. Jess knew the track listings on a lot of them off by heart. He couldn't help but wonder how Lane would react to seeing this.

He quelled that thought quickly though. Thoughts of Lane could only lead to one thing and Jess wasn't ready to deal with that - her - yet.

No. Better to stay focused on what was in front of him. It seemed there was proof in this room that genetics was responsible for more than just aesthetic details. It had to be. This man should have had no more influence on Jess's upbringing other than leaving him fatherless. It would be different if he'd read him bed time stories from _Grimm's Fairy Tales_, or given him a copy of _Catcher in the Rye_ for his twelfth birthday; if he'd wandered around the house singing _I Wanna Be Sedated _or blasted music from The Clash during dinner times; maybe even driven his kid mad with endless hours of flicking the radio playing 'Who sings this?' and showing off his musical knowledge. But Jimmy hadn't done any of that for Jess. He'd abandoned him. Full stop. The end.

So it had to be genetics, because how else could one explain the freakish similarities between the contents of these shelves and the contents of Jess's duffel bag? The well worn copy of _Howl_ that had been left on the desk…

…Rory. Damn it! No! He wasn't going to think about her. Not yet.

But no matter where he looked in the room, _Howl_ still sat there, mocking him. And thinking about Rory was no longer a matter of choice.

By the time they'd met his passions and interests were well cemented. He didn't need influencing. And yet he remembered her curled up on the sofa with him at Luke's one night, reading _A Farewell to Arms_ to him, because she'd lost a bet. He remembered her buying him a copy of _Titans of Venus_, because he'd admitted that he'd never read it. She'd made him sing _London Calling_ to her, while they made out, because it amused her that he was wearing Joe Strummer's leather jacket. One afternoon they'd driven out to the middle of nowhere and just played with the car radio for hours, trying to outdo each other on who could name the song and the singer first. Eventually she'd lost and his chest clenched now as he remembered how she'd blushed when he claimed his 'prize.'

And just like that, his argument that DNA had to responsible for the contents of his duffel bag was forgotten. There was no DNA shared between him and Rory (save the kind that transfers while kissing and other such activities), and yet she had shared as much with him as Jimmy might. Possibly more, Jess mused, noticing for the first time the distinct lack of Russian authors on the shelves. There were no novels from Gogol or Dostoyevsky here…no Rand either. He smirked suddenly. Rory would likely kick Jimmy's butt if she heard about the missing sections of his collection.

'Once she's finished kicking mine,' he mumbled, reminding himself that he'd taken off, deserted her, without so much as a phone call. He'd let her down, he knew. She'd been the only person in that damn town that had really gotten to know him and seen who he was. He always felt like she saw more in him than he did in himself. But he'd let her down. He'd proved everyone else right.

He placed an album on Jimmy's turntable and closed his eyes for a moment as Nico's ethereal voice filled the room, before grabbing _Gone With the Wind _from the shelf and sinking into the old, leather recliner. He'd once thought of Rory as Scarlett O'Hara. He liked that idea. Not that Rory should go around using any guy that was available to get what she wanted, but the idea that, like Scarlett, Rory was strong and capable. She'd get by and do what needed doing. She'd forget him. She had to.

Because Scarlett O'Hara had never loved Rhett Butler the way that he'd loved her.

_A/N: Wasn't sure what to do with this chapter, or how to do it so in the end I just babbled. Hopefully it comes out making some sort of sense!_


	39. I Just Called To Say I Love You

**I Just Called To Say I Love You**

He'd been pacing back and forth along the boardwalk for an hour now. The guy selling sunglasses and the woman hawking novelty t-shirts were sharing nervous glances. There was something unsettling about the young man's demeanor.

Normally Jess would be aware of the eyes on him; of the disapproving glances coming his way. Normally he expected them. Not today though. Today he'd caught sight of the date on Sasha's calendar and for once it had actually meant something to him. It was two days before Rory's Chilton graduation.

He was sure she hated him by now. He hated himself. Leaving town without a word to his girlfriend – who does that?! He wanted to know if she was still going to Yale; wanted to know if she'd finally beaten Paris from top spot and made valedictorian. He wanted to be there, to see her graduate and to mock her in her cap and gown that he was sure she'd look beautiful in.

But he didn't have the right. Because he'd abandoned her with no explanation. He'd left her in that dinky little town to hear 'I told you so,' from a hundred different people. He'd given up the most important relationship of his life.

When he finally psyched himself up to use the payphone (dialing the number that he wished he'd used more when it had been his right), he suddenly felt like a thirteen year old girl. As soon as he heard her voice on the other end his mind went blank. He actually felt his skin flush in embarrassment as he clunked the phone back down.

'Jerk,' he breathed to himself, angrily.

The woman with the t-shirts relaxed as Jess strode away.

The next day he came back. This time he stood in front of the phone, body nervous and taught. He was looking at it as if it might suddenly morph into a ferocious beast and attack him. It didn't. After he'd repeated the same action from yesterday though, the man plying his knock off sunglasses to gullible tourists started to suspect that maybe the kid was involved in some mysterious drug deal.

That night, Jess retreated to his usual place in Jimmy's study. He didn't read or turn on the stereo. He just sat in his chair, eyes closed, trying to rationalise his actions. Trying to explain to himself, why he'd acted the way he had, in order that he could explain it to Rory. But there really was no satisfying explanation. Not one that would satisfy Rory at least.

He'd almost given up on the idea, when he set out the next day. He took a different route away from Jimmy's place, book in his back pocket and with every intention to disappear for the day. His back was hunched as he ambled along and he kept his gaze on the ground before him, having no interest in the world outside his head.

Rory had been the most amazing, frustrating, incredible thing to ever happen to him. He knew that now.

A familiar clunking sound brought his attention suddenly up to a phone booth. A woman had just slammed down the receiver and was now striding away, muttering obscenities under her breath. Without thinking, Jess smirked. It was somehow comforting to know that he wasn't the only one without a perfect life.

This time when he picked up the phone he'd figured it out. He couldn't give her explanations, but there were still things he could say. He wouldn't hang up until he got them out.

But this time she was speaking- no, _ranting_ at him. He heard the pain in her voice and felt the shame take hold of him again. He opened his mouth to speak, to cut her off, but the words kept catching in his throat, turning to metaphorical ash in his mouth. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. Are you okay? I miss you. Do you hate me? I love you. That's all...I love you.

As he choked a breath out, gasping through the ash, the dial tone sounded in his ear.


	40. Put the Book Back on the Shelf

_A/N: This chapter is set during Ballrooms and Biscotti, when Rory gets back from Europe. For those that have been asking, I plan on continuing these chapters, but just to cover episodes that I feel would have some significant impact on the R/J relationship (or what is left of it!) And yes - I do plan on giving you a happy ending, but for now, I'm sticking to the plot line of the show. Please review!_

**Put the Book Back on the Shelf**

Rory groaned as her mom left the house to go pick up the Chinese. She couldn't believe she had to be at Yale in two days. She _so_ wasn't ready! She was supposed to have another week at least, sleeping in her own comfy bed.

She stood up from the couch and dropped the rest of the mail back on the side table, then paused as she noticed a small box. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw the address label on it. She knew what it was.

She'd spent two months trying not to think about Jess. Admittedly, it hadn't been easy- hell, it had been downright impossible some times, (_Wembley Stadium_ _– Look Jess! How many bands played there during Live Aid?!_) and those had been the times that she'd gone quiet and had to walk away from her mom for a bit. (_Hey, Jess? Is it weird that I keep expecting Quasimodo to drop out of the bell tower?_) Though Lorelai had never said 'I told you so,' Rory couldn't help but hear the words…She knew her mom was thinking them. (_How awesome would it be to sneak away in the Opera House and go hunt for the Phantom in the catacombs underneath? Come with me?_)

Rory picked up the box gingerly, as if she wasn't really sure that she wanted to touch it. Maybe she should just send it back? If she opened it, she'd be opening another reminder of what she no longer had. (_Do you think I'm sick and twisted, 'cos I'm actually disappointed that there are no bodies piled on the streets and no barricades, like we imagined when we read Les Mis together?_) She took the box into her bedroom and sat on her bed, staring at it nervously. She hugged Colonel Clucker to her chest and tried to relax, breathing steadily. This was ridiculous. She knew what the box was. She knew what was in it.

'Detach,' she muttered to herself. 'Just breath and detach. And then get rid of it.'

Without stopping to second guess herself she jumped over to her desk, grabbed a pair of scissors and stabbed them quickly into the tape that held the box closed. (_Tottenham Court Road - Eliza Dolittle was supposed to sell flowers here. I can actually picture it; London still looks old._)She swallowed hard as she reached into the box, determined not to let the tears fall.

Once she had the album in her hands she was able to forget Jess for a moment as she let her inner fan girl squeal about what she was holding. But as her gaze fell on the autographs that covered the front, everything rushed back. She felt that stupid tingle in her nose and the burning in her eyes. (_Well if you behave, maybe for your birthday, I'll be a crazed sycophant…What? You gonna track down the rest of Strummer's wardrobe?_) That had been real. It wasn't just a conversation in her mind. Her fingers traced over the autographs of The Clash and a sob hiccupped from her throat without her knowing it. She hugged the album to her chest as more and more followed. She was so angry at him (and angry at herself.) Things had gotten messed up between them and she knew that they were both to blame. They'd both hurt each other…But right now, she didn't care about any of that. Right now all she wanted was to be able to see him and give him his birthday present.

'Rory? I come bearing food!'

Leaping quickly from her bed, Rory tried to rub the tears from her eyes. 'I'm coming,' she called out to her mom, throwing the empty box in her closet. She was about to leave the room when she realised she was still holding the album. Apparently detaching was harder than she'd anticipated. Lifting it to her lips, she kissed it gently before standing on tip toe and placing it on the top shelf of her wardrobe. She wasn't ready to give up on it yet.

(_221b Baker street - Jess; some woman just asked the lady on the desk if Sherlock Holmes really did live here. I wish I could call and tell you, so we could mock her together._)

_______________


	41. The Stranger

_A/N: I apologise for the lack of Lit in this chapter - it's still there, just not really the focus of the scene. I figured I had to deal with California though before I could move on to Jess's return etc. I imagine this chapter to be set sometime during The Hobbit, The Sofa and Digger Stiles. _

**The Stranger**

This bus was unnervingly familiar. Almost certainly it wasn't the same bus that had taken him from Connecticut, but then, there wasn't a lot of variety with busses.

Of course, when he'd climbed on that stupid bus to leave Stars Hollow he thought he was running towards answers (or running away from failure). Now he was wiser (though not by much); but wise enough to know that there were no answers in California. And after nearly three months spent working in the Los Angeles branch of Wal-Mart and saving up his cash, he figured it was time to move on; time to head back East.

Jimmy was just some random guy who'd donated half his DNA. The fact that they had shared interests was irrelevant, because Jess was certain now that the man had no real interest in _him, _beyond maybe a basic concern for his Great Mistake.

The night before, the teenager had finally found the words to ask Jimmy why he'd come to Connecticut. Why had he hunted him down and then left without speaking to him?

The answers Jimmy had offered hadn't satisfied Jess as much as he expected them to. The story was that Sasha had asked about Jess one day and pointed out to Jimmy that he'd be about to graduate high school now. Cue a humourless laugh from the high school dropout. As Jimmy babbled something else (probably irrelevant – the elder Mariano had a surprising propensity for rambling), Jess was distracted by the heavy weight in his stomach and his mind toyed with memories of Rory and Luke – the only people who had _really_ cared about him getting an education. Forcing his attention back to Jimmy, Jess realised that the only real answer the man could offer him was curiosity; Jimmy had gotten curious about his Great Mistake.

Neither brought up the subject of Jimmy's original abandonment. Jess couldn't imagine that there was a justifiable reason for it, and given his own recent act of desertion, he didn't feel the need to hear Jimmy's excuses. He had enough of his own.

The conversation quickly ran out and after a few more words, Jimmy had slunk off to bed.

Which was why, nearly twelve hours later, Jess had stood on the boardwalk, watching Jimmy flip hot dogs as he wondered how to say goodbye. Was even expected that he should? Didn't his DNA give him the excuse of just walking away? Probably. But Jess had made up his mind not to be ruled by his past or his genetics. He wasn't going to be the token Bad Boy for a small town. He wasn't going to be the Long Lost Son, come to complete Jimmy's little family and fulfil Lily's request for a brother.

He was just going to be Jess, whoever that was. And he was going to be Jess on his own terms.

'Jimmy?' The man's eyebrows had raised when he'd seen the rucksack on Jess's back.

'You going somewhere?'

'Yep.'

Moving out from his hotdog stand, Jimmy had wiped his hands awkwardly on his jeans. 'Oh…why? Did something happen?'

Jess hadn't been able to fathom the man in front of him. He didn't seem _bad_. He wasn't really the villain in this story, no matter how much Jess thought he should be. How could that be? 'Nothing happened,' Jess had answered his question. 'Not yet.'

Jimmy's face twisted in confusion. 'Where are you going?'

'Anywhere. Somewhere. I've got money.'

'Oh.' There was a slow nod from Jimmy. 'Well...okay. Take care.'

The two men had eyed each other for a moment. Getting the feeling that Jimmy was contemplating a hug, Jess quickly gave a sharp nod of his head and then turned in the direction of the bus station.

The bus wasn't even half full as it pulled out, starting its journey to Colorado. Jess leaned his head against the window pane, remembering the rest of last night's conversation.

'How old is Lily?'

'She'll be ten in December.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah. I thought I'd get her a bookcase of her own. So she can keep it in her room. Maybe give her some of my books to start her off.'

'Okay.'

Jimmy awkwardly rubbed his head and stood up from the couch. 'Well…night.'

Jess had just nodded as the man who claimed to be his father walked out of the room. Once Jimmy's bedroom door clicked closed, he'd leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes. His thoughts had gone, as they so often did, back to Stars Hollow. To Luke. To Rory.

'Happy birthday Jess,' he mumbled wearily, before drifting off to sleep.

*********

_Please review! It's a great motivational tool ;)_


	42. Remember the Time

_A/N: Many thanks to all who read and reviewed the last chapter. I'm very pleased that people are sticking with this, despite the fact that there's very little Lit at the moment._

_This chapter is set during The Fundamental Things Apply. _

_~VC_

**Remember the Time**

She wasn't sure at what point she'd convinced herself it was a good idea to use her old copy of _The Sun Also Rises._ Well, to be honest, it hadn't really occurred to her at first that the book was no longer just a boring Hemingway novel...And by the time she'd remembered the significance of it (and particularly of that copy), she felt too silly to swap it. She was a strong, independent woman. The fact that her ex-boyfriend's writing was scrawled in all the margins shouldn't send her into an emotional melt down. Ergo, it was perfectly fine to use this copy during her American Literature class.

A shudder ran down her spine as she pulled it out. She knew she was being stupid, crazy and illogical, but in certain situations that was just the Rory Gilmore Way. The girl sitting next to Rory had an immaculate, brand new copy with crisp white pages. Rory's was worn. The cover had that smooth feeling that books get after they've been read many times. Aside from being covered in Jess's thoughts and observations, the pages were also yellowed, crinkly and puffed up – the signs of a short dip it had taken in the lake one afternoon.

_'Rory, give it back!'_

_'I can't. I'm saving you. This book will rot your brain. Destroy your soul!'_

_'Haven't you heard? I'm already rotten.'_

_Rory frowned, momentarily distracted from her mission to keep Jess away from his book. 'No you're not.'_

_Jess raised an eyebrow at her, and there was very little humor in his smirk. 'You sure about that?'_

_It saddened her to think how little Jess thought of himself some times. Adopting her stern face, her mouth settled into a firm line and she nodded resolutely. 'Positive.'_

_Something lighter seemed to spark in Jess's eyes, but he turned to stare across the water before she could properly assess and identify it. 'Oh…'_

_She could see a happier smirk now, playing at the corner of his mouth, but before she could react to it, his arm suddenly flung at her, reaching for his novel. Instinctively she flung her arm and the book wide._

_Plop._

Rory smiled to herself as she remembered the subsequent jibes and accusations and the apologies and giggles that had ensued. They hadn't even been dating then, but she'd always had so much fun with him. And once they started dating, she'd bought him a replacement copy for Valentine's Day, inciting him to offer her the slightly ruined copy that she was now caressing, like it could offer her some god damn connection to him.

But it couldn't. Not really.

The professor entered the room, and began making his key points for the lesson. Rory flipped open the novel, trying to find the points that the professor was referring to, but was distracted when she saw Jess's notes in the margins. Her eyes were automatically drawn to them. Before she knew it, class was almost over and she'd made very few notes of her own about the points raised.

But as Heather once again started forcing her opinions on everyone, Rory's eyes went back to her second hand copy and she smirked. She looked up and made eye contact with the professor.

'I don't know. I mean, isn't Jake's impotence more about that generations loss of faith in love?'

The man beamed, impressed by her observation. Sure, Jess was gone; he had deserted her…but now he was absolutely going to help her ace the Hemingway portion of this course.


	43. Hate Me

_A/N: So, obviously this one is set during A Family Matter. Not much else to say, other than please review and help feed my narcissism..._

**Hate Me**

This hadn't been part of the plan.

Jess thought he'd been home free. He'd managed to get all the way into and out of the town without being spotted. (Though he still wasn't sure how he'd managed it). But then the god damn car had died on him, two miles down the expressway

So now he was stuck sleeping (or not sleeping, more accurately) in the back seat, slowly freezing to death on the streets of Stars Hollow. He wondered how Taylor would react the next morning, when they found the frozen corpse of Stars Hollow's most notorious hoodlum. He'd always thought the man might throw a celebration (a somber one, but a celebration nonetheless), should anything untoward ever happen to his nemesis. But then, a death like that would be sure to affect the town's perfect, wholesome reputation that Taylor worked so hard to maintain and promote, so it wouldn't all be sunshine and lollipops.

Shivering violently, Jess tried to pull his jacket tighter around his torso and consoled himself with the idea that at least his death would give Taylor some grief, no matter what the logic behind it. He could picture it now; a purple faced cardigan bursting into Luke's. 'How dare you let this happen? How irresponsible! It's an outrage! Do you know how this will affect our tourist trade?!'

'I don't believe this.'

Believe it, Taylor. Jess Mariano could never just go quietly. Well – except when it suited him. (Slipping onto a bus, without saying goodbye...so long...I'm sorry...I love you.)

'Um, is that- ?'

'Yes.'

'Oh.'

Jess suddenly realised that the voices he was hearing were no longer in his head, and they definitely didn't belong to Taylor or Luke.

'I don't believe this.' That was Rory's.

'What is he doing here?' And Lorelai's.

'What is he doing - there?' Even with his brain half frozen and his senses numbed, he could tell that Rory was upset.

'Asleep in his car - is he living in it?' Dying actually, he mentally corrected Lorelai.

'I don't see stuff.' Rory was trying to think logically. Find reason where there was none. He'd always loved that about her.

'Does Luke know he's here?' It occurred to him that he should just sit up and answer their questions, but he was certain that if they knew he was awake, the questions wouldn't be nearly as innocuous as they had been so far.

'Well, I know what you know.' He could tell she hated that. Hated being caught off guard in front of her mother. Keep still, he told himself. Facing Rory is one thing, but facing her mother as well… Keep still.

'He may not know.'

'Well, it's right in front of his place. How could he not know?' She'd always been the sensible Gilmore – everyone thought so; except when it came to him. Jess Mariano was the one black mark on Rory's otherwise perfect record.

'Well, it's freezing out here. He could die! He must not know.' Was Lorelai actually concerned for his safety? No. She was probably just trying to protect Luke from Taylor's impending wrath.

'Or doesn't care,' Rory suggested to her mother. The words were bitter. Do you care, Rory? He wanted her to care. He wanted so much from her, though he knew he didn't have the right.

'Do you think David Blaine put him up to this?' No Lorelai. David Blaine was crazy. I'm just desperate.

'Why is he here? I mean, why did he come back?' Now Rory sounded desperate for answers. And there was something else in her voice. He knew she wanted him gone. She wanted to be left alone… Not for you Rory: I didn't come back to hurt you.

'Light's still on in there, Luke's in there somewhere. Should we go talk to him?'

'No. It's too weird. And it's - weird.'

'Definitely weird.'

'Well, I'll just see you at home. I'm -… Cause I don't want to deal with this. I'll see you at home.' She sounded tired. He wished he could fix things – create a world where she was tired because she'd just run a marathon - not because of him.

As the Gilmores walked away from his car he thought about her words. She didn't want to deal with this…With him. She wants me gone. She doesn't need to see me again. Because she doesn't care about me anymore? No. She has to care. If she didn't, she wouldn't have sounded as upset as she did. He hates that he made her feel like that. Whatever exactly that was.

I'm sorry Rory. I'm sorry. I'll stay away. I'll try…


	44. The Maddest Kind of Love

**Maddest Kind of Love**

She sat up in bed, flinging the covers back in frustration. Stalking quickly to the cupboard she dug around until she found her Jess box. There was no thoughtful contemplation of what it contained or reverent caressing of its sides. This time, Rory was all brisk movements and deft actions.

She dropped the box unceremoniously onto the floor of her room and then delivered a quick kick to the side of it. And then another. In her mind every kick was for him. If only he could feel them.

Because after spending so much time running from her life, he'd just waltzed back in (chased after her), and said it. Those three words that she'd wanted to hear from him for so long. The three words that she'd dreamt of saying to him, so many months earlier. Three words that she'd wanted to yell at him, slap him with, stab into his heart, burn into his skin and burden him with…

Fuck you Jess!

…I love you too.

But he hadn't given her a chance. He'd burdened _her_ with the words and then taken off before she'd been able to process or retaliate (or confess).

She was grunting now, short, high squeals of annoyance that sounded incredibly loud as they shook around in her head, but were quieted by the time they squeezed past her tightly clenched lips.

Still not satisfied, she took a pillow from the bed and pummeled it against the box a few times with little effect. Disappointed with the results, she threw the pillow in frustration. Much to her satisfaction it collided with the open water bottle on her bedside table, which fell noisily and started to spill its contents over the box.

The satisfaction was short lived. Hurriedly pulling the sodden, beaten box away from the water and to safety, Rory sank back onto her bed and began to weep; broken, heaving sobs that tore from her chest. He loved her. Jess Mariano loved her, but once again he'd left.

It was time to let go.

_A/N: Okay, so maybe this wasn't the story you were expecting, but I just figured Jess's pov on this one has been done to death, where as I don't recall reading much of anything about Rory's thoughts after Jess's ill-planned declaration of love. Hope you approve! Please review and give me a happy!_

~VC


	45. When I Grow Up

**When I Grow Up **

Once Luke was gone, Jess kicked the door. It didn't fix anything, but it was better than beating his head against the wall. The boss would probably disapprove if he came to work with a gaping head wound. Todd groaned from somewhere under his blanket, but didn't move. Whatever - he wasn't Jess's responsibility. He had his own job to get to.

Work. Right. He was about to head out the door when he realised the sole of his sneaker was falling away. Crap.

He found some superglue in amongst the unidentified crap in his apartment and sat on his mattress to fix it. As he worked, he couldn't help but be angry about Luke's words. Not that Luke had said them, but the fact that Luke was right…had always been right. But it didn't matter. He couldn't go back to Stars Hollow. Not while _she_ still lived there.

But was this it? Was this really what his life was going to be from now on? Being a messenger boy didn't exactly lend itself to great career prospects.

_'But don't you have any plans?' They were driving the deserted streets of Stars Hollow and he was trying not to notice how cute she was as she ate her ice cream._

_'Yes, I plan to get out of Stars Hollow.' He wouldn't acknowledge the voice in his head that was pointing out that leaving the Hollow meant leaving her._

_'And go where?'_

_'Wherever.' _

_'And do what?'_

_'Whatever.' He honestly didn't know. He tried not to think about the future too much. It rarely pleased him when it happened – no point in getting his hopes up about anything._

_'Wherever, whatever.' She was frustrated with him, he could tell. One could almost imagine that maybe she actually cared what happened to him. But he couldn't bring himself to care. Things would happen and he would just deal with it. That's how things always went – Jess Mariano had never been the master of his own destiny._

Jess hated to be wrong. He'd cling to his position in a fight until he was cold in his grave, rather than admit he'd been wrong about something. He knew it was probably one of his less appealing qualities, but that was how he was, damn it. Lorelai had seen that side of him a lot. Any fault she'd notice in him, he'd deny, defend or just ignore until she backed off.

He knew he'd screwed up a lot during his last year in Stars Hollow. He'd skipped school, lied to Luke, lied to Rory… But actually admitting that, even to himself… It wasn't easy.

Jess Mariano did not apologise. It didn't matter that this might be a turning point in Liz's life. That this guy _might_ be different. He did not acquiesce to others' demands…And he couldn't bear to see Rory again, after what he'd done the last time he saw her.

He scowled as a cockroach scurried across the floor by his mattress, but before he could launch his broken shoe at it he found himself wondering if the cockroach had a purpose. Where was it going in such a hurry? Out to work? Off to scrounge food? Back to its nest and its family? Somehow he couldn't imagine that it was shirking its chores and responsibilities in order to listen to its new Pavement album.

Suddenly all Jess could think of were all the times he'd avoided chores, avoided school and anything related to it. All the times he'd lied to Luke. Luke, who had probably never shirked anything in his life…Luke, the one person who'd always been there for him, no matter what, just because he was family. God damn it!

He wasn't going to admit anything out loud. Not yet. But if Luke wanted him at Liz's wedding so much, maybe it wouldn't hurt to make the effort…

****

_A/N: The next chapter is already freaking me out, since it involves the infamous dorm room scene... So my question is, do you want either Rory's or Jess's take on that scene, OR Rory or Jess's perspective POST that scene? I have a vague idea of something, but I'm happy to be swayed... Now please review!  
_

_Cheers,_

_~VC_


	46. The World Spins

**The World Spins**

Graham was cute. She couldn't deny it. And hey, he taped her boxes. How chivalrous.

Eight hours later she was less impressed by the Saturday Orphans, as he and his friends liked to call themselves. She sat at a table and tried not to look completely uncomfortable. Is this what dating was like? Her 'romantic dry spell' suddenly didn't seem so bad if this was the alternative.

Okay, so chivalrous had clearly been the wrong word for Graham. As he took off with his friends and left her in the bar, she tried to work out her next move. Ruling out the idea of hiking to the ATM, she pulled out her phone…

Her back stiffened as Dean casually shifted his chair closer to her. What was he doing? They'd nearly polished off a plate of buffalo wings, and Dean wanted to know if she wanted desert. She wasn't ready to swear by it, but she got the feeling he had that _look_ on his face. That: 'I think you're wonderful, and I'm hopelessly devoted to you' look that was practically Dean's trademark. But she didn't dare look at him to check. It was the kind of look that you should only give your girlfriend. Or your wife…

'I don't need dessert. I should probably just get back to my dorm.'

'Okay. I'll walk you.' Dean stood and pulled Rory's chair out for her. Was that chivalry? Or something else?

They chatted mindlessly on the way back to the dorms. It was friendly and nice, but Rory couldn't help feeling that Dean was almost _too_ friendly. She kept expecting him to take her hand as they walked, and so buried them in her pockets and out of his way.

But as they got to the door of her room, he started leaning. No. This couldn't happen. 'Dean, how is it that you can be out like this, here, with me, or with anyone, for that matter? Where does Lindsay think you are?'

'She thinks I'm out.'

So he was keeping things from his wife. Great. This was awkward…

And the awkwardness increased ten-fold as Jess made his entrance. Welcome to the Life of Rory Gilmore – drama, drama and more drama.

Was this really happening? Not so many hours ago her friends had been discussing her 'romantic dry spell.' She'd been completely alone, single, unattached. But in the last four hours she'd endured an awful almost-blind date; had what felt uncomfortably like a dinner-date with Dean; and now the dark eyed heartbreaker who was responsible for her current dry spell was standing in front of her, telling her that he wanted to be with her – wanted to start over.

She'd been down that road with him already. It hurt. 'There's nothing to start!' And how did he know she wasn't already taken?

He said he was different now. She could count on him.

She'd tried that before and she'd come up short. 'No!' As far as he knew, she could already be in a relationship. Maybe with someone who cared about her enough not to bail when things got tough.

He said they were meant to be together and he'd always known that.

But if that's true then why did you leave me? Huh, Jess? Huh? Had he expected her to just be waiting around all this time for him to be ready? She couldn't do this. Her head was spinning and her mind was struggling to process everything. She wanted it to stop. 'No, no, no, no, no!'

'Don't say "no" just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me.'

'No!' She said the word before Jess's words had really registered. The look on his face as she said it…It broke her heart all over again, and she knew she'd just broken his - probably not for the first time.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, she thought, as she watched him backing from her room. A year ago, there had been a hundred things she wanted to say to him, to tell him. She couldn't remember any of them right now.

The silence in the room seemed to swallow her. It was empty and suddenly terrifying. She was alone again. She sank onto a box and dropped her head in her hands.

_****_

_A/N: So possibly this chapter wasn't what you were expecting - it definitely didn't end up like I'd planned - but it's kind of setting up something I want to explore in the next chapter. Please review!_

_~VC_


	47. Coin Operated Boy

**Coin Operated Boy**

He was leaning again. But this time she didn't think she could fight it. Fighting was too hard. He cared about her. So why should she fight it? He was good and kind. And like she'd said to Lane, this morning: he was safe.

'Dean? How we doing with those doors?'

So why, when they were interrupted by Tom, did it fee like someone had just pulled her away from the edge of a cliff?

The rest of the day, Rory steered clear of Dean. It was better that way. Sure, he obviously had feelings for her and she cared about him, but he was married. It was wrong. There were plenty of other guys out there.

Other guys that will hurt you and break your heart, a voice in her head taunted.

Well, she tried to reassure herself, that was the game. If she didn't want to go through the painful stuff, she'd just have to get used to being alone; to being lonely.

But sitting in the dining room at dinner time, watching her mom make eyes at Luke and hearing Jackson talk lovingly about his and Sookie's anniversary, Rory started to think that maybe being alone wasn't the best idea. Maybe the pain was worth it. Maybe she should have fought harder for Jess when she had the chance... Better the devil you know, right?

Sitting in her room, sorting through her CDs Rory found herself feeling embarrassingly nostalgic. Inevitably, her music collection was full of memories. Her lips quirked into a small smile as she pulled out the album _Coral Fang_. 'Probably not the mood Mom wants,' she mumbled, putting The Distillers CD back and moving on to the next shelf. She remembered her and Jess's less-than-perfect date to The Distillers concert. Lane had said this morning that Jess being unpredictable was cute. Maybe it had been sometimes, but it hadn't exactly made for an easy relationship. She remembered that night at the hockey game, watching Dean and realising he was with Lindsay. She'd felt so awful and out of place, seeing her ex being happy with someone else, while she hung around not knowing where her boyfriend was.

Lane thought Jess's proposal to take her away had been romantic. Maybe. But Rory still thought there was every chance she could have gone away with him to New York, and in a couple of days time he'd forget that she was there. After all – what kind of guy tells you he loves you and then runs away? How could that be love? Dean would never do something like that. Dean was the freak-type who remembered things like three month anniversaries. Jess had never bothered with anniversaries.

She wondered what he was doing now. Drinking? Reading? Consoling himself with some Shane-type skank? She hated that thought. The idea of him with someone else hurt a lot. But that's the kind of guy he was. Like Lane had said – he was the bad boy. 'And you don't need the bad boy. Bad boys hurt. Suck it up. Move on,' she scolded herself, trying to ignore the fact that her hand was still clutched around the _Coral Fang_ album as it sat on the shelf. Bad boys don't really have a clue about love. She knew it was a cliché, but she didn't fight the prissy little voice in her head that told her 'they were only after one thing.' It made it easier to think that Jess didn't have real feelings.

A knock on the back door finally broke her out of her self-indulgent pity party. It was probably a good thing. Any more time spent like this and she was going to morph into Bridget Jones. She did a double take when she saw Dean, looming in the doorway. Wow. He really was _always_ there, wasn't he? So reliable and dependable… And he had big strong arms – very convenient when it comes to transporting CDs. That won't be weird. He'll be happy to help…

But he didn't seem interested in her CD mission. Dean had other things on his mind. And Rory had Lindsay on hers. But it seemed she wasn't on Dean's mindat all. He was only thinking about Rory. By the sounds of it, he'd already given up on Lindsay.

'It was a mistake, and I know that now. From the very beginning, it wasn't-'

She could guess at what he was trying to say, but she quickly tried to move past it. Get him to focus on Lindsay… Lindsay, who was probably sitting in her house, waiting for her husband to come home.

'No, it's just -- it's over. We both feel it. I know we both feel it.'

Both of them? Rory could feel her resolve starting to weaken. Poor Dean. This was her fault. She'd pushed him away and he'd turned to Lindsay for comfort that she couldn't give him. He's still in love with me. He is. He loves _me_. Not Lindsay. _Me_.

He loves me and I won't be alone anymore. I won't hurt and I'll feel safe again.

She felt the side of her bed pushing against the back of her legs. 'I can't believe this is… that we're...'

'I can…'

It's okay. He's always been my Dean and he loves me. He loves me....

****

_A/N: Wow! This chapter pretty much wrote itself, hence the speedy update. I've had the idea for this one brewing in my brain for months. Hope you all approve! Thanks for all of your amazing reviews on the last chapter._

_~VC_


	48. New Era

**New Era**

Jess dropped his duffel bag unceremoniously on the floor and surveyed the room. For the first time in a long time he had four proper walls, and a real door. There was a set of drawers (probably IKEA drawers, but he wasn't fussy), and a matching desk. Even better: there was a real bed. It had legs and everything.

Matthew stood in the doorway, observing his new friend. 'It's not big.'

Jess shrugged easily. 'Neither am I.'

Matthew looked momentarily surprised by the remark, but then forced a smile. 'Cool. Well...you can do whatever. Make yourself at home. There's TV, Xbox, food... We're pretty established here. I've got to get back to work, but we'll order pizza later, if that's okay?' He looked at Jess hopefully.

Jess just stared back. 'Okay.'

There was a moment of awkward silence, as the two tried to size each other up. Jess knew this living arrangement was going to be different than any of his others. These people were different - new. He wasn't sure what they expected of him. In the past, it hadn't been a concern, simply because no one _had_ expected anything of him – or expected much. The emotionally unstable Liz never knew what she wanted from him; interfering, do-gooding Luke just assumed he was broken and therefore needed fixing; and the stoner drop-kicks from his last place of residence only expected him to wake them up in time for work.

But these guys were new.

Matthew seemed to have given up on waiting for Jess to say more. He just shrugged as he started to back away. 'Okay, well, I'll see you later.'

'_From now on, I want a plan. I mean a real plan with a time and a place.'_

Huh. Okay, so maybe someone _had_ had expectations of him.

'_You're the smartest guy I know. Maybe the smartest person.'_

_He quirked an eyebrow at her in disbelief. 'Really?'_

'_Well I wouldn't want you to go a round with Einstein or Twain or Rand, but I never got the chance to meet them, so…'_

'_Did you have to mention Rand?'_

_She slapped him lightly on the arm and shushed him as she started to speak faster. 'And then there are more current geniuses like Amanpour or Sondheim or the guy that invented Oreos.' Rory paused for a moment, apparently deep in thought._

_Jess just watched her with an amused and slightly baffled expression._

_She spoke again, laughing lightly. 'Yeah, I'm starting to change my mind. You're not that smart.' _

_He scoffed dismissively. 'Yeah, well, I don't see how anyone can compete with a guy that invents Oreos.'_

_Rory's face turned serious again. 'You could. You _could _Jess! And one day you're going to realise that.'_

'_You're getting mushy.'_

'_Yeah, well: three packets of Hershey's Kisses and a box of Oreos will do that to me.'_

Ugh! Seriously? Flashbacks? Why could he still here her voice in his head and remember every moment of their time together? It had been almost a year since he'd seen her, (_No, no, no!'_) and nearly two since they'd been together. So why was she still haunting him?

'_You could do more.'_

I am doing more, Rory. I'm trying. I wrote a book because of you.

Jess just stood, body tensed as he watched his new housemate retreating down the corridor. He suddenly felt uncomfortably guilty. This wasn't the right way to start. He was sure of it. Another second of hesitation and then he heard himself speak.

'Um, hey... Is there a CD player around here anywhere?'

When he saw the look on Matthew's face, he started to think that maybe this really was the start of the rest of his life.

* * *

_Huh - would you look at that? I'm not dead!_

_Review please!_

_~VC  
_


	49. Comfortably Numb

_A/N - Set sometime in Blame Booze and Melville. Enjoy, and please review! And I apologise in advance for the lack of Jess, but I'm trying to establish something here, and figure out for myself exactly how I can rationalise some of Rory's actions. So this chapter might be a bit all over the place. You have been warned!_

**Comfortably Numb**

So maybe Rory felt a little guilty about ditching her mom, to spend the night with Logan, but she wasn't going to focus on that right now.

She knew her mom didn't like him. She'd been wary from the beginning, and finding out about their 'open relationship' hadn't gained him any points in her mother's eyes. But, Rory told herself, Lorelai was just getting a bit old fashioned these days. And it wasn't an open relationship anymore anyway. She was his official girlfriend now. Lorelai would just have to get used to that.

She hadn't like Jess at first either. Well...she'd never liked Jess, but then neither had almost anyone else. Hmm. He probably wasn't her best argument. Dean. Her mother hadn't liked Dean at the beginning, but she'd grown to. Okay, so maybe she hadn't liked him much the second (make that the third) time around, but...well that whole incident was best forgotten.

Momentarily distracted by guilt over her ill-gotten romance with the once married man, Rory felt her mood darken. She fought to ignore it, and focus her attention back to Logan instead – her boyfriend.

She felt a peculiar sense of satisfaction at that thought. Logan Huntzberger was her boyfriend. It wasn't the usual girlish rush of affection, or excitement – rather it was a thrill of accomplishment. She, Rory Gilmore, had scored Logan Huntzberger as her boyfriend. She felt a little as though she'd caught Moby Dick.

Logan was in the centre of the crowd, currently engaged in a fierce debate with Robert. Poor Robert didn't stand a chance, and Rory felt proud as she watched _her boyfriend_ smartly wipe the floor with him. Everyone in the room was watching him. He was the centre of attention, but he was _hers_.

Okay, so maybe he hadn't had much time for her tonight. The guys from the Life and Death Brigade were particularly rowdy, and Logan wasn't the type to hold back at a party. But every now and then he threw her a charmingly devilish smile or a secretive wink – as if he was sharing a secret with her.

And he did just that, after trouncing another of Robert's ill thought out arguments. Feeling that thrill again, Rory was about to smile back when she heard the lusty sighs of a couple of nearby girls. For a moment she felt thrown. It occurred to her (and if she was being honest, not for the first time), that she wasn't the only one that had been on the receiving end of his 'charms.' She felt her face grow warm suddenly, wondering what the other girls were thinking and what they knew. Had they...? Had he....?

Across the room a curvy redhead moved away from Finn and sidled up to Logan, saying something to him with a knowing smile before arching an amused eyebrow and walking away. Had she...? Had he...?

Suddenly every girl in the room seemed to be a threat. As far as Rory knew, Logan could have been with any and all of them. He could have done with them what he'd done with her last night... Had he...?

_'Why are you only nice to me?'_

Rory scowled at the involuntary recollection; memories of a picnic on the bridge, of a book debate and an afternoon on the couch in Luke's apartment. He was never going to be really gone, was he? There had been nothing charming about Jess. He was as rough as they came. But he'd never even looked at another girl when they were together. Not the way Logan did.

She remembered the smell of smoke on his clothes sometimes. She hated smokers – always had. But somehow, with Jess, she'd managed to ignore it. Maybe the smell wasn't perfect, but Jess...

Ugh. Stop! She was dating Logan, not Jess. Jess was long gone. Logan was here and he wanted her and, she thought maliciously, he was certainly never going to die from lung cancer. She watched as Finn approached him with a tray of whisky shots, eager to find another distraction, now that his redhead had left him. As the shots quickly disappeared, a stray thought entered Rory's mind: what would kill you faster? Lung cancer or liver failure? Was one really better than the other?

The tray emptied, Logan made his way over to the couch that Rory occupied and flopped down next to her.

'What's going on, Ace?'

Rory smiled at him uncertainly. What was she supposed to say? But before she could decide on a response, Logan spoke again.

'You're not drinking! Why aren't you drinking?'

'I have to drive home, remember?'

Logan frowned and rubbed at his forehead. 'No you don't. Stay with me.'

Holding back a sigh, Rory shook her head. 'I told you, I can't. I'm supposed to be helping Mom shop for things for Sookie's baby shower. If it doesn't get done tomorrow it won't get done at all.'

Logan waved an arm about, agitated. 'So? Why do you have to do that? Your mom can shop by herself, can't she? I need you, Ace.' He wrapped and arm about her shoulder and nuzzled his face into her neck. 'Don't leave me alone!'

Rory's brain fizzled for a moment, not sure whether she should be angry at Logan dismissing her responsibilities like that, or touched that he wanted to spend time with her...

She remembered her mom's cool gaze when she'd asked her if they could postpone their movie night, for this party and suddenly felt indignant. What right did Lorelai have to get jealous? Sure, they had a freakishly close bond, but she was growing up now. She was a sophomore in college. She was supposed to go out to parties and spend time with her boyfriend.

She patted Logan's knee. 'Okay. I'll stay. You're right. Mom doesn't need me to shop.'

A while later, Rory slipped away from the party and used her cell phone to call home. The answering machine picked up, and she figured her mom was spending the night at Luke's. 'Um, hi Mom. Just wanted to let you know I'm going to stay at Logan's for the weekend. I mean, you don't really need me to help with the shopping and he's...- We haven't had much time together lately, with work and school and stuff so... I'll speak to you later. Bye.'

Hanging up the phone she couldn't help but think that she should feel liberated. She was taking control of her own life; making her own decisions, without needing the approval of her mother or the town of Stars Hollow.

'Hey, Ace! What are you doing out here? Come and try this drink. Finn and Colin are calling it the Head Splitter!'

She let Logan grab her hand and haul her back into the centre of the party. She took the drink that he passed to her and swallowed it down, much to the satisfaction of Logan and his friends. Yes. She was making her own decisions now... wasn't she?


	50. Where's the Girl?

**Where's the Girl?**

He watched as she babbled, obviously thrown by the situation. She was clearly as surprised as him by the arrival of the blonde in the Porsche.

She paused, shaking her head awkwardly. Her hands fluttered about excessively, as if she'd almost been caught with them in the cookie jar and was trying to distract from the fact.

'We were just going to go grab a bite to eat.'

The words were true and innocent, but she had that guilty vibe going, and Jess had to wonder if her mind still went to the places his did sometimes.

'Great, well, how about if we all go together, is that okay?'

No, it's not okay. He had things he wanted to talk about with Rory. He wasn't interested in getting to know her new paramour. But of course, he couldn't say that. He was much more level-headed these days.

'Okay by me.'

He watched the way Logan steered her to his Porsche. She didn't show any pleasure at his touch, but she didn't resist it either. In fact, she didn't show anything. It was as if she wasn't in there. Had Logan's appearance left her that shell-shocked? Huh. Perhaps she was more surprised than him.

After all, he mused as he tailed the Porsche to wherever the hell they were going – she was Rory Gilmore, bewitcher of men. _He_ should have expected that she'd have a significant other. Yes, and a significant other that's nothing like you, his inner monologue taunted him.

He scowled and turned up the volume on his stereo, as if hoping that Bif Naked could drown out the sound of his thoughts. He drives a Porsche and calls her Ace…. No - she couldn't. His inner monologue was mocking him too loudly.

Sitting in the bar, Jess tried to keep his hands on the table in front of him, fingers lightly entwined, as if that would stop him from punching this Prep school cretin in his pompous, arrogant face. It's not like he wouldn't deserve it; he was annoying him more than the Bag Boy used to, and they'd only been sat here for ten minutes.

He tried to tune out most of Logan's blathering and instead focus on Rory, but he found that harder than it should have been. Rory wasn't there. Not _his_ Rory anyway. Not the girl that spoke a million words a minute, that smiled and laughed with blazing eyes and that had - for the shortest time - made Jess Mariano feel like the most important man on the planet. The girl sitting across from him vaguely reminded him of her, but…

She hadn't read his novel yet. The sixty thousand words that he'd secretly been so proud of – that he'd brought to her, wanting desperately for her to share his pride, and to get some sign of forgiveness from her… She hadn't read them. The girl who'd once forced him to listen to her read John Galt's sixty page monologue from _Atlas Shrugged _in one sitting; the girl who'd read _Catch 22_ in three days, just so she could discuss it with him; the girl who'd insisted they had to re-read _The Princess Bride_ before they could watch the movie… She hadn't read his short novel.

He wondered if the burning in his eyes as he stepped outside was from tears. No. It couldn't be. He blinked furiously. It stung.

'Jess, wait!'

No tears now. He turned to look at the girl running after him. Huh. How many times had he wanted her to do that? But not now. Not this girl.

He listened disinterestedly as she made excuses for the blonde dick.

Did she know? Did she know that she wasn't Rory anymore?

'_I'm going be a journalist.'_

No, girl. Not like this you're not.

He had to do it. He had to wake her up. Or at least try; like she'd tried to do for him, so long ago.

'What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the DAR? No Yale - why did you drop out of Yale?'

That was the part that baffled him the most. Rory Gilmore give up school?!

It was like talking to Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel. She just babbled excuses and played dumb. But she wasn't, he was sure. Somewhere in there, _his_ Rory had to be hearing what he was saying.

'This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?'

Finally she seemed to hear him. Her gaze dropped to the ground and for a split second her perfectly made up face and fancy coiffed hair style seemed to dissolve back into that brilliant force of nature who'd had incredible dreams and the tenacity to make them happen; that girl that he'd known once.

'I don't know.' Her voice was small and uncertain. 'I don't know.'

Had it worked? He hoped so, but he didn't have the stomach to stay and find out. If he got too close to _his_ Rory he'd only get lost in his own emotional baggage again.

And so he choose to pretend he hadn't noticed her reaction. 'Okay, uh. Maybe, maybe we'll catch up at a better time.' When he touched her elbow he told himself he was just trying to be grown-up and reassuring for her – it had nothing to do with proving to himself that the girl in front of him was real – that she still existed.

As he walked away from her, he knew that this reunion hadn't gone quite as he'd imagined, but at least this time he felt satisfied that walking away was the right thing to do. He was no longer the villain in the scene.

He hesitated mid-step and looked back at her.

'Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday?' She looked stunned that he remembered. He wanted to tell her that it was one of the only dates in the year that meant anything to him. Why else would he have launched his book on October 8th, if not for her?

But he can't tell her that now. Not yet. He wants to wait and save that information to tell Rory.

**********

_A/N: Thanks for all the amazing reviews on the last chapter. I promise I am working on more updates for this and my other stories, but moving house at Christmas time can be a bit hectic! _

_Merry Christmas all,_

_~VC  
_


	51. Imaginary Girl

**IMAGINARY GIRL**

He'd always thought of himself as a realist. He more or less took people on face value and didn't expect much more than what he saw.

But with her...he thought he _had_ seen something else. From the moment he'd first met Rory Gilmore (in her bedroom, at her desk, warm smile, shining eyes, between the pages of her books...) he'd convinced himself that there was more to the girl than just being the princess of Stars Hollow. She didn't belong on that kind of pedestal anymore than her mother.

And during his months in the one traffic light town, Jess had thought he'd found it. He'd teased and wheedled and coerced and bullied until he found _her_.

He was jostled from his thoughts by Chris nudging his side.

'Hmm?' he grunted, barely looking away from his beer.

Chris nodded at the almost empty glass. 'It's my round. You want another?'

Jess's vacant gaze turned to one of surprise. He hadn't even realised his glass was so close to empty. 'Um...yeah. Thanks.'

Fighting back a heavy sigh, Chris slid out of the booth and headed for the bar.

Jess felt a little guilty. He knew his friends wanted to console him, but he couldn't even begin to articulate what was wrong. He'd never been known as the sharing type.

'It won't hurt forever.'

Jess found Matthew staring at him with what seemed surprisingly wise eyes. He cocked an eyebrow in response. 'Oh yeah?'

The younger man nodded. 'And with the application of copious amounts of alcohol, you can stop the hurting now as well,' he mused aloud, and then added as an afterthought, 'But then you'll have a whole different kind of hurting to deal with in the morning.'

One of Matthew's friends (Paul? Barry? Jess couldn't remember), chimed in at this, apparently keen to share his experiences of the world of broken hearts and alcohol. Jess was thankful that the attention had moved away from him, and slumped back into his seat, draining the last of the beer from his glass.

_'I know you better than anyone! This isn't you!'_

It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't feel so goddamn stupid. When he'd said those words to her, he'd honestly believed them. Seeing her in Hartford, playing trophy girlfriend to the Blonde Dick from Yale, had hurt. He'd been horrified, worried, disappointed, shocked, freaked and a whole thesaurus of other words, to find that _that_ was what his Rory had become...But it had been nothing compared to this afternoon.

_'I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me.'_

Had that been her plan all along? Coming to Philly, acting like she cared - pretending like she was _Rory _again... Just so she could cheat on the blonde jerk. Was that all that he was to her? Someone she could use when it was convenient?

_'Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him__.'_

He didn't understand it. He couldn't. But he was starting to realise something. Jess had broken his own rule: don't look for anything more than what's on the surface. Rory may not have been the princess that Stars Hollow had made her out to be... But neither was she the girl that he'd imagined, with blazing eyes and unstoppable energy, waiting to burst out of her fairytale... Perhaps that girl had never existed at all.

'I come bearing ale!' Chris cheered, as he returned to the table and handing out the drinks. Jess had downed his whole glass before Chris managed to sit back down.

*****

_A/N: So obviously this was my attempt at dealing with the Philly incident. Yes, I kind of took the cheats way out, 'cos I didn't want to go into the 'incident' we've all seen and cried over a million times._

_The chapter title is a reference to the John Waite song, which I came across while googling for something appropriate. The lyrics are disturbingly relevant. _

_Thanks for reading, and please leave a review. _

_~VC_


	52. Bad Best Friend

**BAD BEST FRIEND**

'God. I didn't know you were seeing Jess.'

'I'm not seeing him. We're just...friends.'

Rory wondered why it felt like lying as she said that to her mother. Friends? They weren't. Were they? As the conversation continued, she wasn't sure if she was trying to convince herself of her mother.

_'You can tell him we did something.'_

That had been the kind of thing a friend would say as a joke. Wasn't it?

Or was it just the defence of someone who'd been gutted? She'd seen his face. He had been gutted. She knew it. So they weren't friends.

_'High praise, Miss Yale Editor.'_

_'Yeah, well, I don't get to write as much as I would like. I'm mostly assigning and motivating, hand-holding and re-writing.'_

_'Yeah, and you love it. Every minute of it. Come on, tell me you don't.'_

She did love it. Of course she did. He knew that.

'_I know you better than anyone_.'

She suddenly thought that maybe he was right. He knew her sometimes better than her mom. He had known her... So...they were friends.

Her mother was babbling about something or other and Rory tried to focus, but then watched sadly as Lorelai left to get another drink. There was something going on with her, and she knew as her daughter and best friend, she should be keeping an eye on her. That's what they did. They looked after each other.

_'You know, I could track him down and whack him,' Lorelai joked._

_Rory forced a smile. 'Oh sure, Mom. Kill Jess and get yourself thrown in gaol. That's a great plan.'_

_Lorelai pulled Rory closer to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 'I just don't like to see you hurting kid. And he did this. Just up and left you. Ugh. I should never have-'_

How many times had he left her? Disappeared on her? Broken her heart? They weren't friends.

_'Happy Birthday.'_

_'What?'_

_'Your birthday – wasn't that a couple of weeks ago?'_

He remembered that. Of all things. He remembered her birthday... Why would he do that? That's what friends did....huh. Forgetting where she was, and the conversation that she was pretending to have with her mother, Rory nodded her head. Jess _was_ her friend.

She smiled softly, remembering the warm, friendly banter they'd shared in Philadelphia.

_'I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me.'_

Her stomach churned as she remembered that part. What the hell had she said? What had she meant? She hadn't….had she?

_'You came here alone. To Philadelphia.__..'_

No. They weren't friends. No matter what they'd been once, what they'd shared...right now they weren't. The realisation gave her a sudden and intense feeling of sadness. There was a heavy weight in her stomach and a creeping warmth came to her face. She felt that awful pricking in her eyes that signified the coming of tears.

Her and Jess weren't friends.

But she really wished they were.

Suddenly moving quickly, before her mother returned,Rory pulled out her bag and rummaged around until she found the invitation to Jess's open house. She didn't take the time to wonder why she'd kept hold of it – even going so far as to transfer it from one bag to another. Her eyes scanned the invite until she found what she wanted: Jess's email address, scrawled in the bottom corner.

She bit her lip and picked up her sidekick.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry - I know it's not Paul Anka or Back From the Future but it's all I've had time to do. The others are on the way though. _


	53. I Feel the Earth Move

**I Feel the Earth Move**

Jess's heart leapt into his mouth when he first checked his emails – figuratively speaking.

Of course, it quickly dropped back down and settled in his stomach with a sizable lump of nervous dread as his mind jerked back to the real world.

_'I'm in love with him.'_

He didn't click to open the e-mail. He couldn't.

He paced for fifteen minutes until he stubbed his toe and then returned to stare balefully at the computer screen.

**Sender: **Rory Gilmore** Subject: **Hi, Jess…

What the hell kind of subject line was that? It told him _nothing_. Less than nothing. It was completely devoid of personality, of emotion, of feeling.

Just like her these days, a bitter voice teased in the back of his mind. He scowled, trying to ignore it. That wasn't true. He didn't really believe that. He just…he didn't like the new Rory very much.

Trying to avoid getting bogged down in self-pitying thoughts he stood up again and strode to the stereo, choosing a new album and cranking up the volume. Was it really possible for something to be so loud that you couldn't hear yourself think? He didn't think so, but it was worth trying.

The music vibrated angrily through the floor and Jess was momentarily glad that he was alone today. His friends would be demanding an explanation if they were here right now.

He stood, trying to focus on the music and the vibrations. Suddenly he felt the urge to cry. That was ridiculous. He was making this into a much bigger deal than it probably was. But therein lay his predicament. As long as he didn't open the e-mail there was the potential that it could contain something good. Something real. Something…Rory.

But he wouldn't find out until he opened it. And if he opened it and it was something rubbish… He started pacing again, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, until he hurled his fist at the wall. It didn't help, but it hurt quite nicely.

He went to the kitchen to get some ice. Nice. Excellent procrastination method. Real grown up Mariano. What next?

Open it. Click it. It's not hard.

He was back at his desk, once again staring (read glaring) at the monitor and running out of ways to procrastinate.

A sudden silence descended on the room and he looked at the stereo as if it had betrayed him. The CD had finished. He could hear the quiet whirring as the machine rotated discs.

'Huh.'

He looked to the clock and then dropped his head to the desk with a groan. Over an hour had passed since he first logged in to the e-mail account.

Two sandwiches and a bottle of beer were now sitting heavily in his stomach next to the Lump of Nervous Dread and the combination was making him decidedly nauseous. This was pathetic. Just rip the damn band-aid off Jess!

Without allowing himself another moment to think his hand clicked straight away on the mouse and he raised his head slowly.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he skimmed through the first few lines.

_Chief Operating Officer, Clydesdale Bank…estate of a deceased client… financial portfolio of fifty million dollars…please lend me significant money_

He actually started to laugh then. At himself. His idiocy. His fear of an email.

Deleting the email from Salama Husamadi, who so desperately needed his cash to help him rescue his lost millions (sure, like he hadn't heard that line before), he clicked decisively onto Rory's e-mail.

_Dear Jess,_

_To start with, please forgive my terrible subject line. I wasn't sure what to use. You can't put 'I'm sorry' in a subject line, can you? Which brings me to my point…_

Taking a deep breath and pushing invisible strands of hair from his eyes, Jess relaxed into his seat and continued to read.

****

A/N: Hey peoples! I wrote something! Check me out...or not. I hope someone still remembers me and my stories. For those still paying attention, there should be some Back from the Future by the weekend. I changed jobs just after Christmas and traveling more than 3 hours a day on a train really cuts into my writing/relaxing time!

I hope anyone reading approves of this chapter. I'm now working much more 'off script' as far as cannon goes (though I'll still be sticking to the time line of the show), so I hope I perform okay. If you did read, please review.

Toodles!

VC


	54. She's Waiting

**She's Waiting**

Rory slipped away from the bed quietly and padded to the sofa. Logan had finally passed out peacefully, dosed up with painkillers. Admittedly, there'd been some arguments put forward about the merits of scotch as an alternative pain reliever, but Rory had quickly put a stop to that line of thinking.

She relaxed into the sofa and breathed a sigh of relief. Caring for a sick little rich boy had proven to be unexpectedly tiring. But, she reflected, at least it had provided a distraction from… Well no. Thinking about that wasn't conducive to a healthy state of mind.

Resolutely she reached out for the remote control, and turned on the television, muting it quickly and turning on the subtitles before flicking through the channels. She was working really hard not to notice her laptop, sitting on the edge of the coffee table.

Reruns of _The Golden Girls_; perfect. It should be easy to focus on something light and entertaining. But watching a sitcom like that in silence, without getting the comic pauses or canned laughter was surprisingly not as compelling as she'd hoped. Damn Logan for not having a bedroom door. Her attention waned quickly, and her gaze drifted back to the laptop.

This wasn't the first time she'd had to fight this battle. Half a dozen times a day, every day since Lane's wedding, Rory had been playing a twisted game of what she was now calling Email Chicken. She'd fight the urge to check her email for as long as possible, until finally giving in, usually under the pretext of _having to check it anyway._ But no matter how many times she'd tell herself that she really was only interested in the latest updates from the Yale Daily News, she always found herself feeling terribly depressed by the time she logged out…

It was stupid. It really was. Jess was a friend; she hoped. He'd respond eventually. It's not like there had been a deadline on her email to him. And he was entitled to take his time responding. He had his own life that he'd worked hard for. Obviously that kept him busy. She was immensely proud of him. Everything he'd created for himself was perfectly Jess. She had to concede to herself that his lack of a college education didn't seem to have hurt him. He had a job, a career and a real life to keep him busy.

A sudden groan from the bed reminded Rory of her boyfriend's presence.

Jess had a life. And she had a Logan.

She watched her patient for a moment, mentally begging him not to wake up again. She was too tired to deal with his complaining right now. After a short silence she released a tense breath and her posture relaxed. No. He was still fast asleep.

Sinking back into the cushions of the sofa she allowed her eyes to close briefly. She shouldn't sleep. Not now. It was three in the afternoon and she had school work to finish; a paper on the Attorney General, among other things. And of course, there would be things she needed to check on for the Yale Daily News…

Her eyes were open and she was hunched over her laptop moments later. Just a brief check of her email, she told herself. Just a quick check for newspaper-related e-mails. Just a scan of-

'Damn,' she cursed under her breath as her laptop started beeping shrilly. The battery was just about dead. She scrambled quickly to her bag and retrieved the power cord, stubbing her toe on the coffee table and catching her nail in the bag's zipper in the process. Flustered and wounded she dropped back onto the couch and restored the power to her laptop.

Logan hadn't stirred at all during the kerfuffle, she noted, and so started to relax a little more-

Shit.

She clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle the squeak that erupted.

He'd replied. It had taken him over a week, but there it was. But she couldn't open it. Because what it… Well who knew what it would say? She just couldn't… But she would.

It took a further 73 minutes of procrastination and inner turmoil before she finally managed to click on Jess's e-mail.

She glanced across at the almost-comatose Logan (and tried to tell herself that she _didn't_ feel guilty), and then began reading.

_Dear Rory,_

_Have you ever been called a numpty before?_

Her face involuntarily split into a grin even before she had finished the first line.

No. She had nothing at all to feel guilty about…

Yes, I updated. Don't faint. And I know I'm horrible for not writing out the emails, but there's a reason for that and a kind of method in my madness. Stay tuned. xx


	55. Dirty Little Secret

**Dirty Little Secret**

Their relationship was strange now. Jess couldn't deny that. But when had they ever been normal?

Rory and Jess were the impossible, never-should-have happened couple of Stars Hollow. Friends, enemies, lovers… they'd been just about everything they could be to each other, but what were they now?

Almost-step-cousins? Jess chuckled a little at that. He should have known he'd never truly be free of Rory Gilmore. Once Luke and Lorelai were married, that was it.

Although…if his latest e-mail from Rory was anything to go by, they might be further away from being step-related than he'd thought. He closed his laptop and moved across his room to flop on his bed. He was worried about Luke. And Rory was worried about her mom.

Their last few e-mails had been spent dancing around the Big Issues, in favour of analysing the Luke/Lorelai relationship. By the sounds of things, it was getting messy and complicated.

Jess appreciated being kept in the loop though. And he was over-the-moon happy that it was Rory that was keeping him in it.

Sure, he knew she was still with Loser - sorry - _Logan_ – but neither had tried to label what the two of _them_ were. On a simple level, they should be friends, right? But with enough baggage between them to fill a small aeroplane, friends didn't seem like the right word.

And the way she was confiding in him through her e-mails… The easy back and forth, the joking, the stories, the...warmth? He was sure that Loser didn't know about their 'friendship.' And it felt like a lot of their conversations were the kind that she should be having with Loser.

He snorted at that thought. The idea of anyone sharing a deep and meaningful conversation with that guy was too much to contemplate.

So why was she with him?

Jess groaned and rolled onto his side. He couldn't rationalise it, no matter how hard he tried. It hurt his head to think about. He'd spent so many months actively trying to _not _think of Rory... it was much harder to do that when they were e-mailing each other every few days.

What did she think of him? Did he cross her mind at all, in the space between their e-mails? Did she get little butterflies when she turned on her computer? Was he her dirty little secret?

No that it mattered...he knew that whatever they were, whatever she was doing, whomever she was with, he wouldn't be the one stop their correspondence. Because in her sometimes short, sometimes rambly, always crazy e-mails, Jess was starting to believe he'd found _Rory_ again.

He was finding the girl he'd fallen in love with.

_Yes, I updated again. And seeing as I'm feeling like a writing machine at the moment, you might trust me this time when I say you can expect another update soon. I've been out of the Gilmore world for awhile, but I seem to getting back into it, so..._

_On an unrelated note - if anyone reading this also reads Paul Anka, I have a weird question. Any chance anybody copies or saves stories? The last chapter was accidentally deleted and my laptop died before I could replace it. After searching everywhere it appears I have no back up. For those who aren't sure, it was the chapter where Rory returns to Stars Hollow and Yale, Logan returned from London and April came to visit the Danes... If anyone can help, I'd be forever devoted to them!_

_Thanks for reading this. Hope it met (long-held!) expectations._

_~VC  
_


	56. Keep Talking

**Keep Talking  
**

Rory grinned as she went through her e-mails. There were a few from Logan; mostly forwarded jokes and one that was just photographs of him in London. And there was one from Jess. She deleted the jokes without reading them, looked at Logan's photos briefly and then settled in to read the latest from Jess.

She was touched that he seemed as upset as her by the breakup of Luke and Lorelai. She'd told him about her dad's involvement and was even more touched when she read his opinion on the matter.

_Don't be angry at your dad for what happened. If he's been chasing Lorelai for as long as you say, you can't blame him for stepping in when Luke wasn't there. When a guy feels like that, they've got to take any chance they get. _

_And honestly, Luke's the major jerk in all this. He let the woman he loves walk away. If he's realised by now how much he's screwed up, I can assure you he's going to be feeling crappy for a long, long time._

_So I was meeting with this poet the other day—_

A poet? What? Shaking her head in frustration at how quickly Jess had changed the topic, Rory went back and reread the previous two passages again. Sure, to the average reader at first glance they might just sound like common sense statements, but she was Rory and he was Jess. There was more in these statements. Jess could have been referring to himself as much as her dad. He had always stepped in whenever Dean wasn't around. He'd taken every opportunity to make his presence known to her. Stealing her books, hi-jacking her sleigh, buying her basket, kissing her at Sookie's wedding...Kissing her at his open house... And even though the moments weren't always illicit, she'd known they were wrong. Wrong, because of how much she enjoyed them, how much she felt with him that she hadn't felt with Dean or Logan.

Wait - Hadn't? Didn't! Shit. No. Did. She did feel things for Logan. Dean. She hadn't for Dean. Did for Logan. She looked around her room guiltily all of a sudden, as if she thought maybe someone was watching her and reading her thoughts. She had just gotten her words mixed up, that's all. Of course she felt things with Logan.

Not the same as you felt with Jess though, a soft voice whispered inside her. She scowled and shook her head, trying to clear it. Escape the confusion. Her room felt unusually warm now. There was a heavy, guilty fog in the air. She climbed from her bed and pushed the window open, letting in the cool night breeze.

She stood in the draft of the window and breathed deeply. She loved Logan. She was just...things were strange because he was so far away now. She was just forgetting how she felt when he was here. That's all it was.

Feeling a little better, Rory headed back to her bed, preparing to return to the email. But the voice wasn't done with her. Jess left you more than three years ago, and you still remember how he made you feel. Logan's been gone a month...

'Shut up,' she scolded herself aloud, and then leaned across to flick her stereo on. If she had music to drown out her thoughts, it might stop her from second guessing herself.

But then she had to deal with the second paragraph. _'...as much to blame as anyone for letting her walk away.' _Sure, he was officially talking about Luke, but she wondered if it was also supposed to be applied to him as well. He hadn't technically let her walk away, but he'd certainly walked away from her...

...And she'd let him.

Oh God. It was her. She'd let Jess walk away from her on countless occasions. And it did feel crappy. He was right.

But how would he know that? He had to be referring to himself, she conceded. It was just a coincidence that that statement applied to her as well. Or maybe not? Maybe Jess had known when he wrote it that it went both ways.

For weeks now, they'd been e-mailing back and forth, discussing everything and nothing. Apart from her first e-mail to him, they'd been avoiding their baggage because neither of them really knew how to deal with it. She wasn't sure what he expected from her now. She wasn't sure what she expected from him. She just knew she was happier when she had him in her life. Sharing her life with Jess again was a crazy, amazing wonderful thing and she didn't want to stop. She couldn't stop.

There were things they talked about that only he understood.

Watching her mom's world crumble around her, Rory had felt terrible, but it wasn't something that she could talk to Lorelai about. Not yet. And Lane was too close to it. And Logan. Well. Just - no. He barely knew her mom and he didn't know Luke at all.

And there were other things. The books she'd started reading again; the debates she'd had in her classes at Yale; the music she'd discovered. (Okay, admittedly she could theoretically talk to Logan or Lane about thee things, but for some reason...it was better with Jess.)

No. She wouldn't stop writing to him. But it was time they stopped ignoring their baggage.

_Dear Jess,_

_Maybe I'm reading too much into that last e-mail, but there's some stuff I think we need to deal with. _


	57. Bullet ProofI Wish I Was

**Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was**

The beer wasn't cold enough and the buzz it gave him wasn't strong enough, but still he tried. He flipped the top off another bottle and drank, staring darkly up at the ceiling. He figured eventually he'd have to get to a point where he wouldn't be able to remember stuff; wouldn't be able to relive things; wouldn't be able to feel...wouldn't be able to regret things. He could just wake up here on the couch in the morning and all of this would be forgotten.

'No! Pirate wenches are way more awesome because they carry _swords_ and kick ass!'

When they had first met, Jess had been mildly fascinated at the random friends Matthew would suddenly show up with. The concept of friends was so foreign to him. He had since formed friendships with Matthew and the other Truncheon guys (and with Rory?), but Matthew's one night friend-stands still didn't make sense to him. One such friend was now sitting in his lounge room, debating the finer points of wenches with his flat mate.

'The wenches don't have the swords! The pirates have them. Maybe you need to go find yourself a nice pirate; one with a patch and a parrot.'

'You moron! _Some_ of the wenches have swords. And it's one of them that I dare you to compare to your silly bar wench.'

Matthew snorted. 'My 'silly' bar wench carries a gun in her left cowboy boot. Your wench doesn't stand a chance.'

Jerry (Paul? Tom?) was laughing loudly. 'Your wench is going to shoot mine?'

Matthew's response was short and confident. 'Yep.'

As the guys began to argue about whose wench would win in a cat fight, Jess wondered briefly if they realised that they should be more worried about their respective imaginary wenches killing _them_, rather than each other.

'Jess? You think you might have an opinion here? The Wild West wench would totally be the kick assiest, yeah?'

Jess didn't answer – that would take too much effort – but the silence made him uncomfortable. He drained the rest of his beer in one long gulp.

Matthew finally realised that his friend hadn't been a part of the conversation for quite some time now. He looked at him with confusion. 'Jess?'

Letting the bottle drop to the floor next to his others, Jess groped blindly at the table. 'Shit.' The beers were all gone.

'Are you okay?'

It was an effort not to flinch at the question. He wasn't okay, but he wasn't about to tell these guys why. 'I'm fine,' he muttered, hauling himself off the couch.

Without making eye contact with Matthew or his current friend (Patrick; he was sure his name was Patrick) Jess pulled himself up from the couch and after making a quick detour to the kitchen to pick up a bottle of scotch, headed straight for his bedroom.

Matthew's confusion had grown into concern. 'Dude, what's up? Jess? Where are you – You don't even like scotch!'

The bedroom door shut forcefully in answer.

In his room, Jess glared at his laptop for a moment (it didn't matter that it was turned off; he could still remember every word - _That night at Kyle's party..._), before sitting cross legged in the corner of his bed and leaning his head against the wall.

_That day on the bus..._

He had known it was coming. It had always been coming. And if he was brutally honest, he knew that it was time. These were conversations that had been avoided for nearly four years.

_I don't know if I'll ever understand why you just left like that._

He hated that there wasn't more hate in her words. That she didn't sound as angry as he had expected. She almost sounded sorry...Sad...Regretful?

_But there was something I wanted to say and I didn't because I assumed I had more time...That we had more time. _

Jess Mariano knew about regrets. He had enough of them to write a book the length of _War and Peace_.

_Ever noticed how strange a story can seem when you re-read it or re-watch it knowing the twists? How the 'heroes' don't look so good anymore and the bad guys seem kind of heroic? _

Jess was proud of himself. Of what (who) he had eventually become. He liked to believe that this was how he was always going to end up. But deep, deep (really really deep) down, he had to kind of sort of vaguely acknowledge that maybe this Jess was the product of having Rory Gilmore's voice in his head.

_And what are you supposed to do when you realise that if your life was a story, you're not sure if you'd be the hero or the villain?_

If she really had regrets that could mean...

_This is me, saying it now: I'm sorry about what happened at Kyle's party. About freaking out. About Dean. About letting you walk away._

She was just a girl. Just a girl.

_About letting you walk away, and again. And again. And again. It's just, sometimes..._

Just a girl. But Rory Gilmore was way more dangerous than any pirate wench or Wild West bar wench.

_I'm really sorry, Jess._

###

_A/N: Major thanks to Djux for being Djux and awesome. Okay, so obviously I didn't completely believe you when you said it was okay before, but you reassured me enough to deal with it. I owe you (as always!)_

_To everyone else - your reviews mean everything, so don't hold back!_

_VC  
_


	58. Tears Are In Your Eyes

**Tears Are in Your Eyes**

(set during French Twist, and Rory's trip to Stars Hollow).

###

_'Yale Daily Whatever. It's no big loss. I survived, Gilmore.'_

_'So you finally handed over the reins. Awesome! It's time to move on to bigger things, Ace!'_

_'Aw, I know you'll miss it, sweets. Ooh! Our plane is boarding. Au revoir!'_

###

Stars Hollow had always been a small town, but occasionally it was even smaller than Rory realised.

'I- Jess!'

'Uh- hey...'

Rory found her mouth had suddenly gone Sahara desert dry. She wanted to swallow before she spoke, but didn't dare in case her throat closed up completely. Instead, she stood outside Doose's, clutching her purchases and fumbling for words. 'What...um... What are you...I'm buying Rice Krispies...'

It was small consolation that Jess looked as awkward as she felt.

She'd just gotten used to their e-mail-friendship-thing and was enjoying their every-other-day-correspondence. Or she had been. But then she'd sent him _that_ e-mail. It had been almost three weeks with no reply. She'd spent the past nineteen days torn between wanting to take it back and wanting to give Jess a good slap. But now here he was, and all she was able to do was babble about breakfast cereal.

'Oh.' The return of monosyllabic man was punctuated by Jess shoving his hands into pockets as he looked anywhere but at her. 'I just came to-'

'You didn't e-mail me back.' Good one Gilmore; straight for the jugular.

Slowly, Jess lowered his gaze, almost meeting hers. He jerked his head. 'Can we go...somewhere else?'

There was a brief moment of hesitation before she shrugged in silent acquiescence.

As if of one mind, the two began to walk towards the bridge. Rory found herself resenting the fact that it was such a natural thing for them to do. She was with Logan; she shouldn't be able to do something like this with another guy. But that thought was followed quickly by the comforting idea that whatever had happened between her and Jess, at least they still shared _something_.

Yeah, like a ton of baggage that Jess just refuses to deal with, the slightly resentful voice in her head reminded her. It was true – it would be obvious to anyone watching that there was tension between them. Both of them were clearly lost in their thoughts, Jess was staring mutely at his feet as if he had to make sure that they didn't fall off, and she was clutching her cereal box to her chest like it might serve as a shield.

She was reminded of their awkward teenage years and the way that Jess would so often shut down. She didn't want to go back to that. Without another moment's thought, she spoke. 'You're a jerk, Jess.'

Jess spoke so quickly, it was evident that his words were not a response to hers. 'I've been meaning to e-mail you.'

Yes. They'd always had super awesome timing…

Both of them stopped then, and turned to face each other, processing what they'd just said.

Rory stared nervously at Jess, willing him to say more.

He exhaled slowly and ran his hand through his hair. She had to fight to keep her gaze forward. She couldn't admit to anyone how her stomach flipped when he did that.

'I know. I think maybe it runs in the family.' He paused again, eyes back on his shoes. 'I keep writing e-mails to you and then deleting them.'

She tilted her head curiously as she waited for him to continue.

'People think that just because you like to write, it should be easy, you know? That words should just come easy. It's not. They don't. Not when it's...'

He broke off again, and Rory watched his gaze shift over the world behind her. She felt as if he were trying to find the words in the darkness around them.

'I can't do this.'

'Do what, Jess?'

'Us. This. I don't know what you… I'm seeing someone.'

It was hardly unexpected, and yet Rory couldn't explain what was going on in her mind. Couldn't explain why she was feeling…what was it?

'I don't…that's not…' Why was it that he could always stop her brain like this? She wondered suddenly what the time was. How long had it been since she'd left home? Lucy and Olivia were probably wondering where she was, waiting for the Rice Krispies.

Oh! She jerked her hand up to her head, feeling the lumps under her beanie. 'I have tin foil in my hair.'

Pulling his gaze up from his shoes, Jess glanced at her in surprise. 'Um...Some sort of alien invasion tactic?'

They were on the bridge now and Rory was self consciously tugging at her beanie as she dropped unceremoniously onto the planks.

'Lucy and Olivia. They thought we should put streaks in our hair.'

'The girls from the art gallery?'

She stopped playing with her beanie and looked at Jess as he sat himself next to her. He remembered. She bit her lip, trying not to feel as touched as she did that whatever his failings, he cared enough to remember the silly, irrelevant details that she put in her e-mails.

'Um...yeah. They were bored. I was bored. We thought we'd come visit Stars Hollow for the night.'

As soon as the words left her mouth she realised how ridiculous that concept must sound to Jess; to the boy who'd grown up in New York, who'd travelled to California, who lived in Philadelphia; Stars Hollow as a cure for boredom.

But to her surprise he just nodded, as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

There was a short silence before she spoke again. 'So why are you here?'

'Liz. She wanted me to see Doula. And I sort of wanted to see Luke.'

'Oh, she had her baby!' She fought to hold back a smirk. 'And she called it Doula?'

Jess shrugged and rolled his eyes as she chuckled.

'And you thought Gigi was a crazy name for a baby.'

He snickered. 'At least Doula's not destined to be a courtesan!'

'No, she's destined to be a doula!' She was laughing properly now, and it felt remarkably good; so good that she gave in to it and laughed for longer than the situation probably warranted.

She stopped when Jess playfully shoved her shoulder. 'Don't mock my sister! At least she knows better than to leave the house with tin foil in her hair.'

Wiping tears from her eyes, Rory steadied her breathing. 'Only because she probably doesn't have hair yet.'

Jess gave a slight nod of his head, indicating that Rory might have a point.

The silence fell again, but this time it was Jess that broke it.

'Um...aren't you supposed to take those foil things out at some point?'

'Shit.' So much for the two of them ever getting to deal with whatever the hell was between them.

She scrambled less than gracefully up from the bridge.

Jess followed suit. 'Um…Your cereal…'

'Thanks.' She took the box that he's picked up for her and was now proffering towards her. 'We were going to make Rice Krispie Treats'

'Rory Gilmore is going to bake?'

She laughed dismissively. 'I don't think it really counts as baking. Just mixing and refrigerating…' Her hand instinctively lifted to push back invisible strands of hair, but of course, it was all trapped beneath her beanie.

'Still - What on earth would tempt you to try something like that?'

'Hey! I'm not completely useless! I was the editor of the Yale Daily New, you know.'

'Was?'

Rory flinched. What? Why did I…

It was the tender surprise in Jess's tone.

'Yeah - was. There's a twelve month turnover rule, so my time is officially up. Time for me to move on.' She tried to sound nonchalant as she spoke.

'Are you okay?'

Don't Jess. Don't be all caring and awesome about this.

'Oh yeah. I'm fine. I had my turn. It's Bill's shot now.'

'You're terrified aren't you?'

No. No. I'm fine. I…everyone else is. I have to be. 'No, I'm…Completely fine.'

She knew that Jess wasn't fooled.

'Rory?'

She bit her lip and wrapped her arms tighter around the cereal box. 'Yeah, I'm terrified.' But I'm not going to cry. I'm not.

Before she knew it, Jess was suddenly stood directly in front of her and his hands were on her shoulders. Not going to cry. Not going to cry.

'It's okay to be scared.'

Without hesitation she launched herself forward, wrapping her arms around his chest. A short moment later he was holding her as well.

For the first time in a while, Rory felt safe. Strong. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. This time, she believed herself. But…Why is my heart doing the samba?

No sooner had she wondered that, than she realised it wasn't _her_ heart that was doing the samba. She was far too melancholy for her heart to be dancing...

Oh shit. And suddenly she realised why Jess hadn't been able to respond to her e-mail. She understood just how much she'd hurt him in Philadelphia. She understood a whole lot more than she thought she wanted to. She stepped back from him quickly, all thoughts of her previous almost-breakdown forgotten. She had to get away.

'I…thanks, Jess.' She raised her hand to her beanie again. 'I should…'

Jess's arms were still partly extended, and if she stepped forward she knew how easily it would be to slot right back into them. But that would be wrong.

'I have to go get these things out, before my hair turns green.'

It took a few seconds before Jess reacted with a nod, shoving his hands back into his pockets. 'Yeah. Go. I'll see you later.'

There was one last glance between them and then she was running, back across the bridge, down Elm, along Plum, across Stars Hollow, faster and faster and faster, as if she could run away from the realisation that she was having.

Olivia and Lucy were clueless enough about small town life to believe her when she told them that the store had been busy.

She kept up the back and forth banter with them as they removed the foils from their hair. It was all good. Keep busy, keep busy.

Wow; pink streaks. She studied her reflection in the mirror. And suddenly she realised that she hadn't run far enough. She probably never could.

Tears always had a way of catching up with you.


	59. Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word

**Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word**

Jess clutched the phone, his brow furrowed as he digested this new information. Luke could probably teach journalism classes in 'how to bury the lead.'

'_So then they took her for surgery and got her appendix out. She has stitches which she says are cool. I haven't looked at them yet, cos' you know – stitches... And yeah, Lorelai came to the hospital and she's married now. But April's okay and she should be back at home in a few days, so that's...good.'_

_Jess's back had straightened almost involuntarily. 'I...wha-...Lor...' But in the moments it took him to process the news, Luke had resumed his April story._

'_I took her a copy of your book yesterday. She seems to like it.'_

_There was a beat as Jess tried to turn his mind back to April and his book. He smirked. 'It doesn't have too many commas?' _

'_Well I don't – Oh. Kirk's here. Jess, I've gotta go.'_

'_Okay, later.' He was about to hang up, but something made him stammer out quickly, 'I'm sorry, Luke.'_

_There was a pause._

'_Yeah, well...Kirk! No! You can't just touch that and- Kirk! I mean it. Bye, Jess!'_

And so, here he sat, the dial tone of the phone still beeping a steady but unsettling rhythm.

Suddenly he was dialling again, perhaps out of instinct, but also with a purpose he had not yet realised. The phone didn't ring for long.

'Hello?'

'Hey, Rory...'

'Jess?'

She was surprised, he could tell. 'Jess,' he confirmed. 'Or Jerk, if you prefer.'

There was a silence on the other end before she spoke again, and he could imagine her biting her lip.

'Sorry. I didn't recognise the number. What's up?'

He then realised why he'd called her. 'I just spoke to Luke. He said your mom...she got married.' He knew right away that it was a sore subject. There had been a barely noticeable change in Rory's breathing. He proceeded carefully. 'Was it a secret? You didn't say anything.'

She let out a heavy breath before she spoke. 'I didn't know. I found out two days ago.'

'Oh…wow…your mom didn't-'

She cut him off, before he could say the words. 'Nope. They got married in France. Some magical, spontaneous ceremony in the rain. They invited me over for dinner when they got back, tried to feed me snails and then made the announcement. I'm supposed to be okay with it.'

It was clear from her tone that she was far from being okay. For Jess, the fact that Lorelai hadn't shared this with Rory was more shocking than the information that she'd actually gotten married. He wasn't really sure what to say to Rory though. 'That's…'

'Yeah. I know what it is. But I'm okay. I'm dealing. I'll just call it revenge for what I did to her last year. Now we're even. How's Luke?'

Jess understood and respected Rory's need to redirect the conversation. His mind quickly shifted back to his Uncle, remembering their conversation earlier. What could he say? 'Well…he's Luke. He's being…Luke-ish.'

'So, that means trying to pretend it didn't happen?'

'Pretty much.'

'I feel bad for him. I mean, yes, you were right, he was being a jerk before they broke up but… I know he didn't mean for this to happen. They were so good together once. I mean _really _ good. I hate how everything is going now.'

Jess hmm'd awkwardly in agreement. His mind had once again started drawing the inevitable parallels between the Luke and Lorelai Implosion and Rory and Jess: The Early Years. He understood now why Luke had been so angry with him when he was eighteen. And nineteen. He understood, because it wasn't so dissimilar to the anger he now had for Luke. How could he let things fall apart so much? But of course, that question led him straight back to his own failings. The Danes and the Gilmores seemed to be caught in a never ending circle of screw-ups. He could definitely sympathise with the guy.

The silence on the line had now stretched on way too long. He wondered if Rory realised where his mind had gone. 'Um, so, how's your hair? Did it fall out? Turn green?'

'Oh. No, it's all still attached and it's back to its normal colour. Thanks for the concern.' Rory hadn't responded right away, which was enough for him to believe her mind had gone to a similar place as his.

And suddenly the words were out before he could rethink them. 'I'm sorry.'

'Sorry? I happen to like my normal colour, thanks very much!'

'No, Rory No. I mean – I'm sorry. I know I should have said this a lifetime ago but I'm a jerk and I didn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't answer your e-mail, I'm sorry I showed up at your door like a raving lunatic, I'm sorry I didn't take you to prom or call you when you wanted. I'm sorry I bailed in high school. I'm sorr-'

He could have gone on all night, but she cut him off. And to be honest, he was kind of glad.

'Jess, did you even read my e-mail?'

She sounded frustrated and he wasn't sure why.

'Um..ye-'

'Because I spent a lot of time writing it and thinking about it and if you had read it you'd know that I've already forgiven you for all that stuff. It's time to move past it.'

He smiled a little. 'I did read it, Rory. But I still owe you an apology. You can't forgive me if I don't actually apologise. So this is me, officially apologising.'

There was a short pause. Jess wondered if he'd said the wrong thing. He added quickly, 'Now you can forgive me and we can move on.'

Her voice was soft as she finally answered. 'Thanks, Jess. I forgive you. And I'm sorry too.'

'Well. Glad that's taken care of. Your e-mail was really good by the way.'

'I'm glad you think so. It took me forever to write it.'

'Really? It didn't read like that.'

'No I mean – I don't mean I sat writing it for forever; well, a couple of hours, but I meant it took forever to...'

Her voice trailed off, and he finally understood. 'We're a great pair, huh? Four years to deal with a high school relationship – do you think that's a record?'

'Well my mom left high school twenty two years ago, and she's still working stuff out with my dad...'

He chuckled softly. 'Point taken. So we've still got time to fix whatever we are?'

There was a long pause, and Jess began to wonder if he'd crossed some sort of friendship boundary line. Shit. But then - 'We've got time, Jess.'

His heart was suddenly thumping way too hard. She's going to hear it. She's going to hear it. Stop. Breathe. Don't...

'Um, Jess? I have to get to class.'

'Oh. Yeah. Okay.'

'I'm glad you called.'

He stood and walked to the window, staring outside, trying to find something other than his emotions to focus on. 'Yeah. I just – Luke. You know.'

'Of course.' A harder edge had crept back into her voice as she was reminded of the mess her mother was in. 'Well, bye, Jess.'

'Yeah. Later.'

'Oh, and don't think this is a replacement for an e-mail. You still owe me one, mister!'

It took a few minutes, but once he'd collected his thoughts and had tired of staring out the window, he set the phone down and walked purposefully to his desk, switching on the stereo as he passed by it. He slipped into his desk chair and switched on his laptop.

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_A/N:_ _Sorry...just - sorry..._


	60. It's A Family Affair

**It's A Family Affair**

'Hi baby. Dinner's almost ready. Think you can watch the baby – my other baby – for a second?'

Jess shrugged out of his jacket and obligingly went to claim Doula from his mom.

Liz beamed. 'Ah, look at my two babies! You're so gorgeous; both of you.' She leaned forward to kiss Doula on the cheek while simultaneously ruffling Jess's hair. He fought the urge to cringe and run.

'Where's TJ?' he asked, as his mom started pulling plates from a cupboard - not out of any real interest, but rather because of an innate self preservation instinct. It was a similar tactic to the one he employed when dealing with Miss Patty and Babbette, or some of his more annoying clients at Truncheon. If you knew where they were, then you know where _not_ to be.

'Oh he'll be back soon. I sent him out to Doose's because I needed some cranberry sauce and hairspray for dinner tomorrow.'

'Right. Great.' Jess quickly decided _not_ to ask why his mom needed hairspray for Christmas dinner. He figured he was better off not knowing.

It was a bit early in the season to be celebrating Christmas, but TJ wanted to go visit his brother's family for the real thing, and introduce them all to his most amazing creation (Doula). And having this dinner earlier with everyone else worked out well, since Luke would be able to bring April, and Jess would be back in Philly in time to mind Truncheon while the other guys went away.

The infant in his arms suddenly started to gurgle and Jess looked at her awkwardly. 'Um. Hi…don't cry!'

He was met with a vague, unfocused gaze and another bout of gurgling. Mercifully, it seemed like happy noise, though Jess was still not completely at ease. 'Good baby…'

Liz paused her flurry around the kitchen to watch the pair. Jess looked up in horror when he heard a sniff.

'Ah, don't mind me. I just…you both…' There was some more sniffing and a quick swipe at damp eyes. 'I'm so proud of you Jessie.'

'Oh my Gods! You guys won't believe what I just saw!' The front door crashed closed with a jolting bang as TJ charged into the kitchen.

For once, Jess was almost grateful for his arrival.

'What, honey?'

TJ dropped his shopping bags unceremoniously on the counter and turned to his audience with outspread arms. 'So I'm coming out of Doose's and I'm minding my own business, cos' that's the kind of guy I am. And then, out of nowhere – SMASH! And well, I tell you Lizzie I thought the world was ending for a second. But then I recovered my considerable wits, and realised that it was actually the display on the green that was ending. Ended. Because _your_ brother, and Lorelai's fancy hubby were tearing it – and each other – apart.'

Liz looked astounded and not quite sure what to do. Jess on the other hand passed Doula to her father without a second thought and was already pulling on his jacket.

'Have dinner without me,' he threw back over his shoulder as he whizzed out the door.

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He stood in the kitchen of Luke's apartment, watching his uncle closely. Luke was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table…no. Make that _sprawled_ in a chair at the kitchen table.

April wandered in from the bathroom, carrying a tube of cream. 'I found antiseptic.'

'It won't be strong enough. The guy is made of septic,' Luke muttered darkly.

Jess shot him a reproachful glare. 'Luke! I thought you were the adult!'

Luke sighed heavily and shrugged. April had pulled up a chair next to him and was applying the cream to the grazes on his knuckles and face.

'At least there are no black eyes. I can't imagine you could hide that from Lorelai.' April's tone, though bright, was strangely adult.

Jess looked at her with interest. She was a strange kid. 'Does he do this often?'

'As far as I know, this is the first time.'

'Well, that's a relief,' he intoned drily. 'If you really wanted to be more like me, there are better traits you could have picked.'

'I punched him three months ago.'

Both April and Jess looked at Luke in astonishment.

Luke just looked back at the hand April was applying cream to.

Jess shook his head. 'I don't know whether to lecture you or just have you committed. You're supposed to be the sensible one in the family!'

'He started it!' Luke defended himself again.

'You punched him three months ago!'

'Only because he-' Luke bit off whatever he'd been going to say, but Jess quickly put the timeline in place and filled in the gaps. This time it was his turn to sigh.

'Oh. I'm sorry, Luke.'

'And now I think there's something going on here that's completely over my head, so now that you're all antisepticed up, I'm going to go to my room, put my headphones on and play my music really loudly.' April rose from her seat and after giving the men a knowing look, headed off.

'She's a strange kid.'

Luke smiled at that. 'I know. But I like the strange.'

A heavy silence fell on them. The topic of Lorelai was swirling through the atmosphere, just the way Lorelai herself did, but Luke didn't seem ready to bring it up. 'You're not going to talk about it, are you?'

Luke's gaze again moved away from Jess. He stared at his fists, at the grazes, at the tube of cream on the table. After a short millennium he finally looked back. 'I can't…not…no...'

Jess felt sad. He understood Luke's pain all too well. 'Okay.'

'Oh…there's a Christmas card on the counter for you.' Luke pointed to an envelope that Jess hadn't noticed before. 'Rory dropped it off,' he explained, seeing his nephew's confusion as he picked it up.

Jess's head snapped up. 'Rory?'

Luke nodded. 'You two are friends again, huh?'

'Um…yeah.'

Luke seemed genuinely happy as he responded. 'I'm glad.'

'Me too.' The words surprised Jess as soon as he'd said them. Not the sentiment, but the fact that he could admit it aloud to Luke, or to anyone for that matter.

Moments later he claimed a chair across from Luke and held out a beer for him. His uncle shook his head with a dry chuckle, but still took the drink.

The two men looked at each other as they removed the tops of their respective bottles.

'Merry Christmas, Uncle Luke.'

'Merry Christmas, Jess.'

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_A/N: Wow - two updates in three days. Don't pass out. I think it must just be that time of year. I'm going to try and rustle up something for my other stories too. I'm sorry there was very little Lit in this, but I wrote it intending to go somewhere I didn't end up. And I think it was good for me to explore the grown up Jess/Luke relationship a little. The next chapter, I promise, will be more Litty... (I think I just made up a new word...)_

_Thanks to all the people still reading and reviewing. I know this has been a LONG saga! And Iscah McKrae - I think you just reviewed about 45 chapters in a row. That's insane and fantastic. Thank you!_

_Cheers all,_

_~VC  
_


	61. Can't Stay Away

**Can't Stay Away**

Jess suspected that even as he packed his bag, he was lying to himself. By the time he'd made it to the car after saying goodbye to his flat mates he was considering that he may be crazy. As he turned onto the interstate, he fought the urge to check his rearview mirror for men in white jackets.

He was going to Stars Hollow. Again. It was less than two months since his last trip, and yet, here he was. By the time he started seeing signs for Hartford he was certain that the drivers on the road with him must be able to see how pathetic he was. Even the guys at Truncheon had looked at him oddly when he announced that he was taking another trip to see his family.

But none of this was stopping him. The diner was unusually busy when he pulled up. The dinner crowd were out in extra full force, and he could see Patty and Babette discussing some presumably torrid gossip at their usual table, surrounded by a number of familiar faces. Feeling suddenly far more sensible, he opted not to go in. Ditching his car, he headed on foot to his mom's place.

GGGGGG

'Jess! Baby!'

Liz's overly enthusiastic greeting and forceful hug was almost enough to make him regret his choice, but it was too late to back out now.

'What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting to see you for months! Is everything okay? Did something happen?'

'Nothing happened. Just had some free time; thought I'd come see my sister.' Okay, so the statement was ninety percent a lie, but Liz looked like she'd just won a million dollars, so Jess decided not to feel guilty about it.

'That's fantastic. I'm so happy. It's so good to see you. Doula's asleep right now, but she should wake up in an hour or so for a feed. She's going to be so thrilled to see her big brother!'

Jess was skeptical that a two month old baby would be thrilled about anything of the sort, but shrugged amiably and didn't contradict her.

'Where's TJ?'

'At the diner. He went to pick up some burgers for us, but he's been gone awhile.'

'He probably got lost.'

Liz rolled her eyes and swatted Jess softly on the back of the head. She was used to his teasing of TJ by now, and it didn't bother her. She smirked, playing along, 'He better not have. I gave him a map this time.'

Jess chuckled in surprise. 'Nice one, Liz. Actually, I drove past before. The place was crowded. Did Luke finally install a pinball machine?'

'No.' The news seemed to make sense to Liz. 'I bet I know what's going on; it's about Lorelai and Christofancy – I don't think things are going too well for them.'

At Jess's blank look, Liz tried to explain. 'Lorelai's dad had a heart attack, and from what I hear, Christopher wasn't at the hospital when he should have been.'

Jess didn't admit that he already knew about the heart attack. 'And this explains the crowd how exactly?'

'You don't see? Woah! And I thought you used to live in this town! It's Lorelai and _Christopher_. People want to know what's going on, so they go to your uncle.'

'Because Uncle Luke is such a gossip queen,' Jess stated drily.

'No, but he's involved. Lorelai is his Moby Dick, so obviously, people want to see how he's taking the news.'

It was Jess's turn to roll his eyes, both at Liz's reference to literature and at the never ending insanity of the townspeople. Maybe I'm not the craziest one here, he mused, although he didn't feel exactly comforted by that possibility.

'You staying here tonight? I can make up the couch for you.' Liz seemed excited by the prospect.

'Oh you don't have to do that. I was going to crash at Luke's. You guys don't have a whole lot of room.'

If Liz was upset by his rejection, she covered it well. 'Okay then. Tell my brother he can come over if he needs someone to talk to.'

The idea of Luke needing to confide in Liz was somewhat hilarious to Jess, but he simply answered, 'Sure.'

GGGG

'She what?'

'She wants you to go to her, if you need to talk about…stuff.'

Luke moved his baseball cap off and on his head as he laughed hollowly. 'Sure.'

Seemed Luke had the same feelings about the topic as Jess did.

'So why are you really here, Jess?'

He'd already fed Luke the same lie he'd told his mother; unfortunately, Luke was smarter these days. He shrugged.

'Jess?' There was a serious tone in Luke's voice.

There was no getting out of it. He could feel his uncle watching him as he ambled aimlessly around the apartment. He finally stopped in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter as he met Luke's gaze.

'Why did you go to the hospital?'

Luke was caught off guard for a moment, before registering that it was a rhetorical question. They both knew why Luke had gone. He'd gone for Lorel-

Luke, gave him a sad, weary smile. 'Rory. You came for Rory.'

'Yes.'

Luke walked to the fridge, and grabbed two beers.

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_A/N: I'm very excited right now, because THE NEXT CHAPTER IS ALREADY WRITTEN! This hasn't happened since the early days, when I was writing the first few chapters. Hope this chapter is satisfactory. Let me know when you're ready for the next one ;)  
-VC_


	62. Long Way Home

**Long Way Home**

'Just tell her to make sure the article is on your desk by tomorrow morning. And if there are any errors in it, tell her you'll pull it.' Rory frowned as she strode quickly home, after spending the day at the Daily News office. 'Threaten her with a picture of a cute cat, or a clever dolphin.'

Rory fought the urge to groan as she listened to Bill complain about Tammy. For the most part the Daily News staff were really great, but every now and then someone would come along that needed the Paris Gellar approach. Tammy's habit of never-quite-making-the-deadline was beginning to wear thin, and Bill was struggling to deal.

'I don't care if it's the biggest scoop of the year, she's been promis-' Rory's rant ended prematurely as she spotted a familiar figure lurking at the entrance to her building. 'Bill, I have to go. You'll be fine. Just channel Paris.' She ended the call without giving Bill another chance to respond, and stepped uncertainly towards the visitor.

'Jess?'

'Hey.'

'I…what are you doing here? Is everything okay?'

'I was in Stars Hollow to see Doula. Thought I'd…stop by.'

'Stop by?'

'To see how you're doing. You know, after your grandfather…'

He was here to check up on her? Is that what they did now? Were they that close?

'Oh, you didn't have to do that. But…thanks.'

Jess just shrugged. 'So…how are you doing?'

'I'm…fine. It was scary.'

'Was?'

'Well they say he should be out of hospital soon, so I think that's good.'

'Yeah. They don't generally let you out if things are bad.' Jess smirked a little. 'I'm glad he's okay.'

'Thanks.' Rory wasn't sure what else to say – it wasn't like Jess even knew her grandfather – so she changed the subject. 'How's Doula?'

'Small.'

'You've gotten very descriptive lately.' She teased him lightly.

'And you've gotten very bossy lately.' He nodded towards the phone she still held in her hand. 'Bill's the new editor, right?'

He remembers. Why does he always remember?

She nodded. 'Yep. He's having trouble with one of the newbies. She's not exactly reliable.'

'This is Yale. I thought all you Ivy League types were supposed to be super responsible.'

Rory couldn't help thinking of Logan at that comment. No. Being an Ivy League type definitely didn't make one responsible. Although Logan was trying now; Rory was proud of him lately. Proud of him, yet frequently corresponding with an ex-boyfriend…She moved up the steps to the entrance of her building. Standing too close was not a good idea.

'How's your girlfriend?'

Jess gave her a look of startled confusion, but whether it was caused by the change in subject matter or the question itself, Rory couldn't be sure.

'I…my girlfriend?'

'Last time we met…you said you were seeing someone?

Jess looked like he was about to die on the spot. 'I…oh…I…'

He'd lied. He hadn't been seeing anyone at all; Rory was suddenly certain of that. Oh, Jess…She remembered how his heart had sambaed when she'd hugged him on the bridge. 'So it didn't last?'

Jess jumped at the bone she was throwing him and nodded, somewhat too enthusiastically. 'Didn't last.'

'I'm sorry.'

'I'm not,' he said with a shrug. 'I uh…I started writing another book.'

Another book? Maybe this was why he'd come? 'Wow! That's great, Jess. What's it about?'

He was almost smiling again. 'Stuff.'

She laughed. 'Oh that sounds wonderful! Another book about stuff. There really aren't enough stuffing books around. You're absolutely going to corner that market, Buck-o!'

He was smiling now. 'Well I can't really explain it yet. I'll send you a copy when it's done.'

'You'd better!' She reached out to push his arm, not anticipating him to move as she did; she almost tipped off of her step and her hand flailed uselessly at empty space until he reached out and grasped it in his own.

'Still a klutz I see?'

His hand was warm. His grip was firm. Her brain had slowed down considerably. Pulling her hand back shouldn't take this long, should it?

She had opened her mouth to speak again but the words were still forming in her brain. The sentence was not yet formed when Jess spoke first.

'I should go.' Jess released her hand.

Do you want to come inside? That was the sentence. Whether it would have been a friendly overture or a brazen suggestion on her part she wasn't sure, but it was too late now. Jess was pushing his hands back into the pockets of his jeans.

'I told Luke I'd help out at the diner tonight. April's coming over.'

That was fair. She forced herself to nod. 'Okay.' She had stepped back down to street level without thinking. 'Thanks for coming by. It means a lot.'

This time it was Jess that reached out to her. She didn't move. His hand squeezed her shoulder gently. 'Take care, Rory.'

She watched him walk away, unable to shake the feeling that Doula hadn't been the focus of his visit. Logan had borrowed a helicopter and flown to be with her when her grandfather had had his heart attack. Now Jess had driven from Philadelphia to Stars Hollow and to New Haven to make sure she was okay…but only one of them was her boyfriend.

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_A/N: Not completely happy with this one, but honestly, I'm getting as frustrated as you guys with this story. I want to get to the ending!_


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